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One of the most pervasive and harmful myths perpetuated in our dating culture is the myth of the magical "Dream Woman". The Dream Woman suddenly flutters into a man's life and her mere presence has such an effect on him he fixes all his character flaws and repents his fuckboy ways. The Dream Woman's hair and makeup is so perfect, her presence so captivating, that it elevates this lowly scrote to a respectable, emotionally available gentleman, the envy of all girlfriends past.
Please.
PSA: There’s No “Dream Woman” Out There Who Will Magically Make Your Trifling Man Act Right
The not-so-subtle subtext that men reinforce with this myth, is that if his exes were "enough" like she was, he would have treated them to all the better things in life they begged for, that he now so willingly bestows upon his new lady.
It's important to recognize the game being played is to make you jump through hoops to be a “Dream woman” for a man who’s not even acting like a Dream man.
Men proclaiming “I’ll straighten up for the right woman” is 98% conjecture. They are not practiced at being good men, how would they be able to figure it out all of the sudden?
98% of them don’t change that much - even for women they so called love. Even with the best of intentions leopards can’t often change their spots. Internal change takes years of deliberate work and practice. If he’s practicing not being shit, then that’s what he’s good at. He won’t be consistent at being a good man if he’s not practiced. Do something often enough and it becomes habit; and habits become your character.
Some of you will bring up how your ex “married the next girl after you” or "is constantly on instagram with his new bae" as proof this isn’t true, but you’re ALSO wrong.
Fuckboys who treat their new girlfriends to all the things you wanted but never got do so because they're desperately trying to prove you were the problem all along. Recognize it for the manipulative tactic that it is, and don't take it personally.
What better way to never take responsibility for their actions than to conspicuously lavish a brand new woman with all the praise they were too arrogant, stubborn, unconcerned, or comfortable to give you? That way they can alleviate themselves of their guilt at being an ass with the simultaneous effect of emotionally breaking you down.
It's easier to blame you and pedestalize the new woman than admit failure or reconcile themselves with the fact that they were the bad guy in the situation, because everyone wants to see themselves as the hero and not the villain.
Even if he does these things temporarily for a girl he’ll be looking for an angle to get her to accept less as quickly as possible. Wine & Dine upfront and the Netflix and Chill for the rest of the relationship - just like he did to you. He’ll constantly scan the temperature and pick at her boundaries until he can talk her down to the real bare minimum.
So what if she got a ring? She’s in for a lifetime of struggle. These same exes will be back in your DMs 6 months after the wedding talking about how they miss you.
Plenty of guys are in marriages with women they’re not that committed to and who they aren’t actually treating that well. Plenty of men are in marriages they ARE committed to but then destroy because they have not learned to consistently control their toxic behavior.
He’s still got the same character flaws with the next woman. Don't internalize men’s behavior as a reflection of yourselves.
I think the only way you can really judge anyone is based on how they treated you. It is conceivably possible that they value this new girl more than you, but if the way they treated you was wrong than it's still wrong. And honestly you just cant always blame yourself for the ways other people act. Usually it has a lot more to do with them than with you, especially if they are the type of person to be abusive. Always look for ways to self-improve, but also look for ways to recognize your own value.