Was chatting with a dude on Hinge for a bit. Wasn't really interested tbh, but then he asked for my Instagram. I told him that I don't use social media, to which he responded that he respects that, then went on to elaborate that he doesn't use Snapchat, but uses Instagram and Facebook, etc. Personally, I find anyone who uses Instagram, TikTok, or Snapchat to be a turnoff. In my experience, these apps are explicitly used for men to view soft porn and/or slide in women's DMs. I also would just like to find a man who doesn't value any social media at all, to the same degree as myself. I find it to be a complete time waster and very removed from reality. Anyway, the dude hit me up today (a day or two after his last message) to just say that he hopes my week has been going well. I politely thanked him but told him I was no longer interested, but that it was nice chatting with him. I went to unmatch, but before I could, he sent me a couple messages berating me and saying "Yikes." As if I did anything wrong. As if I am the red flag. As if I should be the one questioning myself for being mature and straightforward about my interest. I'm not going to lie, his messages really triggered me and hurt me on some level. But I know I dodged a bullet for sure. He could have politely wished me the best, etc. He could have just not responded. Had I simply just unmatched him from the start, without messaging him back, then I wouldn't feel this sense of anxiety and doubt about myself. Fuck these scrotes. I could use some uplifting words right now to pick myself back up after my mistake in engaging with someone I thought would be mature enough to handle rejection from a woman he never even asked out on a date. Next time I'm turned off, I'll just unmatch right away.
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So you politely let him down gently, as opposed to ghosting him, which men admit they can't stand, and he responds by saying "yikes"?
He's such a baby. Don't even sweat it.
Things like this makes me wonder if these days it's even safe to break up with men. They're becoming more violent than ever before, as if that's even possible. You are right and I'm so sorry you went through this. Blocking and just moving on swiftly is the way forward, I'm afraid.
Good call out & a reminder to block/delete right away. Definitely dodged a bullet there. This guy thinks so highly of himself.
Experiences like these made me understand and fully embrace block and delete. I’m not a mean person, I don’t do it because I’m angry or because I want to punish somebody. I just don’t need that kind of negativity in my life. Many dudes, especially online, have real issues and operate at a low level. Don’t listen to them, tune them out, because they will try to bring you down. Validate yourself, you did nothing wrong to nobody, you’re not “yikes” and you’re above inappropriate scrote outbursts 💪
I've always framed it this way:
I consider myself academically, intellectually, and socioeconomically above 99.999999% of men. I am descended from a long line of intellectuals and nobility. My ancestors are featured on Wikipedia for being ruthless, educated, and rich.
When men speak to me, they are speaking to their social better. This is literally how I think. This is also how you should think.
So tell me, why would you need to explain anything to a social inferior? (You don't.) Will he be thankful for the explanation? (Clearly not, as we have seen.) He should be grateful you deigned to interact with him in the first place.
Let me ✨kindly✨ (bc we have to be sure to be kind rn) suggest that you practice reframing this.
Exhibit A
You: polite no thanks
Man: yikes
You: yes, you were very scary you should work on that if you expect women to like you
Exhibit B
You: polite no thanks
Man: yikes
You: yes, you ran me off- no need to frighten me further
Continue on til you never assume a man is talking about you (also men mostly project anyway, so you'll be right most of the time if you adopt this method)
I felt like my issue has been finding men only on Instagram or Facebook and they all turned out to be the same… obsessed with themselves or soft porn on social media. It sucks because I want to find organic relationships but it’s hard. I just can’t bring myself to believe they usually begin on social media.