Why a man needs to be masculine & reclaiming the feminine energy, an FDS post on the subbreddit that should be read.

I didn't make this post. Here's the post, but I'll copy and paste the post here.

I found this an interesting read; I haven't come across it despite going through the subreddit. It's a long post, but it's worth reading!

I think this answers A LOT of newbie questions, so newbies, please read.

FDS knows that men and women, on the whole, are not the same - whether it's biology and/or socialization, it doesn't matter. We're pragmatic about differences and seek to navigate these to benefit ourselves and protect our interests.

A lot of dating gurus out there talk about masculine and feminine energy in dating, but they mostly get it wrong. It ends up sounding like outdated gender roles. And while modern feminism doesn't serve women's best interests either, there's a reason women bucked against certain traditions too. This can leave us confused now about how to create a dynamic with a high-value man that creates attraction, meets our needs, and ultimately forms a fulfilling relationship.

Defining the Masculine and the Feminine

First, it has to be understood that masculine and feminine are energies and "spiritual" concepts, not describing something physical. They are labeled as such because the physical genitalia of the male and the female serve as metaphors for these energies. Understanding this helps you understand what is masculine and feminine.

The spiritual concept is built on the observation of mating - the male and the female create a child via sexual union. But in non-physical dynamics, the thing the masculine and feminine create when they unite is a relationship that serves to meet the needs and desires of both. The relationship is more than the sum of its parts.

But if you're familiar with the masculine and feminine, you know that everyone has both energies. The famous psychiatrist CG Jung called this the anima (feminine spirit) and the animus (masculine spirit). Typically, our conscious identity is associated with the energy that matches our genitalia, and of course, the social framework we organize ourselves with supports this. But a well developed, mature, healthy person has integrated both masculine and feminine. An unhealthy, imbalanced, immature person often has exaggerated versions of these.

So the masculine energy is active, external, visible, and seeks to penetrate by giving and pleasing; it is guided by an external response. Feminine energy is internal, more passive, receives, and creates simply by being and holding a space (i.e. the womb), guided by its own pleasure and response.

When distorted, masculine energy is violating, doesn't respect boundaries, is bossy and dictates to others, wants to be revered as superior, only gives with the expectation to get back, and may become violent. It is too aggressive and action-oriented. Most of us know to steer clear of a man in this unhealthy masculine energy - these are the more obvious users and abusers. But beware that they can put on a veneer of "charming" to get what they want. Saying "no" to such a man is a good way to unmask him.

However, healthy masculine is protective, generous, problem-solving with a desire to use one's strengths to benefit others. It's doing, planning, and making an impact to get the desired result, one which garners appreciation and respect from others because they are benefitted and pleasured.

When distorted, feminine energy is selfish yet helpless, doesn't have boundaries, is indulgent, wants to be cared for like a baby, is reactive and blames others (a victim), and does not practice any self-care or love, instead, putting the burden on others. It is too passive and no longer can create for itself.

Healthy feminine energy is self-sustaining and inviting, but with healthy boundaries. It's being, allowing, and receiving so one doesn't get depleted. It creates and expresses for its own sake and pleasure.

Low-value men (LVM) are often excessively feminine, in a distorted way. These are often the so-called "nice guys". The "pickmeisha" (a woman who presents herself as low value) is often distortedly masculine - giving to get. The so-called Patriarchy encourages this low-grade feminine energy in men as much if not more than "toxic masculinity". These are basically excuses for men to be boys, and women are thrust into the role of mamma, which is a masculine position of authority (yes, mothering is very much masculine energy - because again, these spiritual concepts aren't literal).

Navigating the Masculine and the Feminine

Here is where I think the confusion arises… if everyone has both energies, can't we all just be ourselves and the right person will come along and we can live happily ever after?

Well, I believe the first few months of a courtship involve a type of role-playing that is a mating dance. Through this ritual, a dynamic is established that creates attraction and motivates the man to invest in and commit to the woman, and it asks the woman to show she can receive his affections, attention, protection, and resources with pleasure. Her pleasure is his "reward" for this. Is that last part confusing? Remember the masculine seeks to make an impact and cause pleasure as a result - not so much receiving pleasure for itself. This means a High-Value Man (HVM) who is engaged in this mating dance is primarily motivated by YOUR PLEASURE. But if you are incapable of being pleasured, of simply being and enjoying because you've been brainwashed to be pickmeisha, then he'll get turned off. His pleasure is in seeing YOU experiencing pleasure. Pickmeisha thinks she has to earn pleasure…she has to give by splitting the bill, providing free therapy, looking sexy at every moment, playing house, etc. High-Value Women know that their joyful presence is a GIFT. The man is after her energy of being joyful and pleased. That means she prioritizes herself and what makes her feel good.

The high-value man wants to make sure he can please you…. if he picks the restaurant and you love it, then that is more pleasurable to him than the food itself. I read this once and it really resonated - almost nothing brings a man more emotional satisfaction than seeing a woman receive pleasure from him. Another reason to prioritize your orgasm (and never fake it).

I'll repeat: almost nothing brings a man more emotional satisfaction than seeing a woman receive pleasure from him.

Low-value men want to get this result with little effort. They want you to rave about them without having actually done anything to please you. But this is actually twisted feminine energy. It's selfish and baby-like. He's a man-child who wants mamma's praise. For him to feel BIG without making much effort, you must be very SMALL, thus he despises any strengths in you. And if you rave over his low efforts with your appreciation and affection and attention, then he really doesn't feel good because he knows he didn't do anything to earn it… in that case, you are actually giving to him and not receiving because, well, he gave nothing.

Another male fantasy is being the hero - he solves the problem, he protects, he fights, and the woman waits on the sidelines to kiss him at the end. It may seem to suggest women are weak and need saving (more on this under "common objections"). No, it actually is a frustrated desire to be a HVM. The more pervasive LVM are in society, the more these fantasies seem to show up in the narratives in our entertainment. As a "hero", a man sees himself as using his masculine energy to protect the pleasure of the feminine, so that the feminine energy can be fancy-free to be and receive and enjoy. This means when you are fancy-free and enjoying your life, you are at your most attractive; being concerned with his pleasure or worrying about his convenience is actually a turn off to him. He wants to provide and get pleasure in seeing you receive. Compare this to the sex act resulting in pregnancy - penis in vagina, female orgasm encourages reception of sperm, etc. This kind of emotional relating reflects the underlying instinct to mate to produce something lasting.

But we aren't one dimensional, right? Yes, but the mating dance is to make sure a man's energy is healthy. You need to see him demonstrate healthy masculine energy, but you won't attract it unless your feminine energy is healthy.

This means it's best to be very much in healthy feminine energy with a man in the early dating stages. FDS encourages the mentality which leads to the behaviors which indicate healthy feminine energy. This will feel natural and easy if you shed social brainwashing. The paradox is you attract HVM when you prioritize yourself, not when you prioritize attracting HVM. This doesn't mean prioritizing personal goals (that's fine though), but primarily your own pleasure. This is also not hedonism, which is indulgent. We're talking healthy joy. When you accept a date with a man, go with the mentality to enjoy yourself, not to impress him. And don't assume he is even relationship material to be evaluated (although you certainly will be evaluating, by noticing how easy he makes it for you to enjoy yourself). Your own experience is your primary motivation, not his response to you.

Negotiating the Masculine and the Feminine

FDS also outlines general stages as you move from this mating ritual to a deeper connection. The initial stage is about vetting and establishing dynamics. During this time, you will see other men. After this comes commitment via exclusivity (only after which do you engage in sex), and then you will enter the period of negotiation. The rose-coloured glasses come off. You will start to leave the roles behind and figure out how to merge as two complex individuals instead of the simplified masculine and feminine. However, it's best to negotiate how you want to assert your healthy masculine energy in a feminine energy manner…. and it will feel better for you and more natural anyway. Imagine not nagging, not hinting, but being honest and yet not triggering him so he gets defensive. Imagine not coMmUniCAtIng with long speeches, only to still not feel heard or understood. Remember NO JADE - no justifying, arguing, defending or explaining.

Instead, it's very simple (but hard because it means unlearning old communication habits)… you merely say how you feel and what you need with "I" statements, and you avoid using "you" or blaming anyone as much as possible. Example: use "I feel" and "I need" or "I don't want" or "I'd prefer". IMPORTANT: Don't offer solutions… let him figure it out. Not because you can't figure it out, just like you can also make reservations at the hot spot restaurant and you could easily foot the bill if you wanted to… but you need to see if the man can use his own brain and how eager he is to meet your needs.

So when you are not pleased, you must indicate to him that you are not receiving pleasure right now, but also that you see him as capable of solving that. If you villainize him, then he won't take the role of hero. He'll probably see you as a male combatant to take down or he'll go feminine on you and act like a baby who can do nothing without mamma telling him what to do. Wouldn't you rather a man who takes initiative? There are men so good at this that they will pick up on what's pleasing you or not without any direct communication, sometimes before you even realize it yourself. Isn't that much better than "wHy doN't YOu cOmmUniCatE" to the manchild?

Also, most men are simplistic with empathy… they don't connect dots as most women do… so you have to express it simply as "I feel bad" or "I feel sad" or I feel mad" and then he should get it. If he doesn't, then he probably is a LVM who is either in the unhealthy feminine energy and wants you to be mamma, or he's in the unhealthy masculine and simply wants to use you as an object.

When you want to assert your own healthy masculine side, then all you must tell the man is why this action FEELS GOOD to you. Example: many women want to work outside the home because the mental stimulation FEELS GOOD and having our own money FEELS GOOD. But a man deep down doesn't want you to do this if it doesn't feel good, which is why his ego is bruised if you become the "provider", because he sees that as an obligation. If you readily take on obligations, then it seems masculine to him.

This is why no woman should feign enjoying house cleaning (if she doesn't… most of us don't). It doesn't mean we never have self-discipline or never do stuff we don't like to do, but our motive needs to be self-care or we'll get resentful. Just as men still do many things for their own self-pleasure. However, for them, it's to recharge to be ready to move into action again. When men go into healthy feminine, it is typically "being" as opposed to "trying to create an effect", and he will let you know when he simply wants to "be". His negotiation for this will be to simply do what he wants or to directly ask for what he wants to receive because masculine energy is assertive; they don't need you to anticipate their needs. Wanting needs anticipated is feminine. Pickemeishas project this and unwittingly take on a masculine role of anticipating and meeting others' needs. As a woman in feminine energy, you want your needs anticipated and the masculine man will meet this. So if something he asks for imposes upon your pleasure, then you simply make this known in your response ("That doesn't feel good to me") - he will nearly always prioritize your pleasure in the healthy masculine energy role.

In this way, you guide men with boundaries that are RESPONSIVE. Many men are smart - they invent all kinds of cool stuff. They can and will fine-tune their inner algorithms to predict and meet your needs. The more they get to know you and see your responses, the more accurate their efforts become.

Early in dating a man will notice (perhaps even subconsciously) what pleases you and what doesn't. He'll watch your reactions to the foods you eat. He'll notice what materials you clothe your body with. He'll particularly note what makes you laugh, your eyes light up, your energy rise. He will try to orchestrate things to please you. He understands that from moment one, he is seducing you little by little, showing you he can create pleasurable experiences for you. HVM understand that money is about the ability to provide beautiful, sensual experiences and that a feminine HVW is drawn by THAT and not so much status. They understand that paying for dates symbolizes "I am willing to use my resources to provide pleasure for you and to meet your needs".

Without this investment, a HVW doesn't feel good to reciprocate with her time or energy and certainly not sexually, and she will naturally move towards what (and who) gives her pleasure. She won't lecture a man, pout, manipulate to get her way - nope, she WALKS. In doing so, she is a happy person with no resentment or tendency to nag or complain, and that is what keeps her energy alluring. HVM seek this over physical beauty, every time. He knows that to be around this energy and to support it, he has to PLEASE HER. Remember, his greatest emotional pleasure comes from seeing a woman receive pleasure from him. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS RECEIVE.

When it comes to receiving, be genuine in your response but also transparent. You don't need to be over the top in your reactions, but also don't pretend to be unimpressed if you're pleased. There is no deception or game-playing with FDS. It's incredibly honest and straight-forward. This is because you are "calibrating" the man to your pleasure. Remember, he is adjusting himself based on how you respond to him, just as a good lover literally does during sex.

Many men assume women are in feminine energy most of the time and thus anything you do is because you enjoy it. You spent your Saturday cleaning the whole house? He thinks you love to clean. It must relax you or something. You have to make it known what you like and don't like - "It feels good to relax in a clean house, but I don't enjoy spending my free time cleaning." A HVM is going to find a solution to maximize your pleasure. Most significantly - use your actions as much as words. Stop doing stuff you don't want to do and even better - don't do it to begin with. It's MUCH easier to start off on the right foot than to try and change an established dynamic.

Common Objections:

Giving from Feminine Energy

Now you may say - "But I get joy from giving to others! Can't I ever give to the man?". Yes of course, when it brings YOU joy and you are not seeking to please him and get a response for validation - or worse - hoping he returns something to you. You must give from a place of "fullness", not a place of emptiness that is seeking to get. This is easy when a man is high-value and has invested in you already.

Being a Whole Person

A HVM doesn't need a woman to be small to feel big. Wanting to be the "hero" is about him taking on obligations so you aren't overburdened. It is also feeling that he is "winning" with you when it comes to pleasuring you. It only asks you to be receptive. It doesn't require you to be weak or dumb or silly or lesser. This would not be smart for him biologically speaking.

Whether or not people want children, they are often unconsciously driven biologically to seek a quality mate for producing healthy high-functioning children. A HVM doesn't want a dumb, weak, silly wife who will pass her crappy genes on to his hypothetical children. Socially, this also doesn't look good for him either. He understands that the woman he is with is a reflection of his own value (also why men quickly know if you are "wife material" vs a woman he just finds attractive for sex and/or temporary companionship).

All the stats out there show people marry their peers, including things like education, socio-economic class, etc. This is because people will seek the best they can get, and since both seek it, they typically end up with an equal (after all, neither wants less than that).

Someone who is a peer is also more relatable. A HVM also wants genuine connection, not just arm candy. LVM with distorted masculine energy tend to objectify women and seek arm candy that is "non-threatening". LVM with distorted feminine energy seek a "mama" who will sacrifice her own ambitions to care for him.

Thus, LVM will insist men don't care about a woman's accomplishments, intelligence, etc. They will say they only care if she's hot and nice and fun. This is because they know they can't attract a HVW. They are not her equal and don't have enough to offer her. However, they may be able to bag an attractive woman who doesn't know her own worth, and she had better not ever realize it - thus he will diminish everything about her. The less she pursues her personal potential, the more she will seek validation from him, and the more easily he can manipulate her.

All men are interested in being around a woman whose energy feels good, and a woman's energy feels good to him when she is pleased and impressed by him. So LVM try to keep you small so they can more easily impress you and make you dependent on what little they have to offer. Cool Girl types will emphasize how low maintenance they are and how easy they are to please. But the easier you are, the less value pleasing you has for a man. HVM aren't fooled - they will sense you are resentful or not very happy but putting on a front; this repels them.

However, a HVM knows that when you are a fully developed person with accomplishments of your own, then you are HAPPIER. He wants a fulfilled woman, and in that sense, your accomplishments, education, etc., are important to him, because it shows you are a feminine energy woman who freely pursues her own pleasures. He also knows that when he works to please you it really means something. This is the beautiful feminine energy he is after - and it feels better to him than a pickmeisha who is hot, nice, and fun but full of resentment and who cannot receive from him despite desperately seeking validation.

This is why it all comes down to your energy, which is exuded from within. No action can fake it if the motive is always to please someone else. The “strategy” is ultimately here to train yourself, not men. It is to teach you how to benefit yourself and be in your natural feminine mode, which will come fairly easily for most as it will feel better almost immediately. It is devoid of deception and game-playing, as there is full honesty with oneself and no manipulation of men. At the core of this is honesty, which the common dating and relationship advice lacks, instead resting upon ideals and platitudes.

There is a false idea that feminine energy is actively nurturing (no, that’s masculine). Feminine energy instead creates boundaries to allow freedom of expression inside these boundaries, and to vet out anything that will squash her expression. Another myth perpetuated is that a woman needs to be young, beautiful and always pleasant to be attractive. Still another myth is that a woman should be friends with a man and that what he brings to the table as a partner or how sexually attractive and satisfying you find him “shouldn’t” matter or you’re shallow. The truth is that the feminine energy gravitates towards pleasure. Thus, a feminine woman must be pleasured to be attractive and to be attracted to a man, and this must be genuine, because feigning pleasure to try and please is a vibe that will repel others. To be pleasured, a woman also needs to be receptive. That means she is able to receive from herself and others. Giving comes from a place of fullness inside you. Your masculine energy side can and should be given expression, but know that it is best to engage in the mating dance initially and negotiate after the commitment phase. In this way, you vet men to determine their value, protect your interests, and keep your investment in the relationship in proportion to what you’re receiving from it.

To Summarize ...

During the initial dating phases, you embody the feminine energy and vet for healthy masculine energy in men, which creates mutual attraction that inspires the man to move the relationship forward. This also creates a foundational dynamic that fulfills the deeper needs of a relationship. As the relationship progresses, you both negotiate how to accommodate your individuality, which is of course multi-faceted and not merely masculine or feminine. How you negotiate this and how he responds to it is also a factor in whether you make it as a happy, healthy couple.

The goal in the female dating strategy is to get comfortable in your feminine role again, which is about prioritizing your own well-being and freedom to develop your personal potential. It is also about becoming comfortable receiving from the masculine role and being able to identify healthy masculine energy. The side effect is being more magnetic to high-value men, but being attractive is not the main point. The main motivation is to receive pleasure, fulfill your own needs, and protect your own interests, because a healthy feminine energy is not exploitive and there is no manipulation. Thus you do not feel selfish or guilt for this. It is actually refreshing for all who experience it, which is exactly why it is magnetic.

See "Getting To I Do".