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One problem that I encountered time and time again during my lengthy court battle with a narcissist was that people in decision-making positions did not have the time or energy to unravel the intricate web he spun.
You see, one of the principal weapons of narcissists is their ability to exhaust their enemies.
It’s no wonder then, that rather than take into consideration all the convoluted details of our story…
Rather than examine bank statements that revealed massive identity theft and fraud…
Rather than try to understand why in front of different judges my ex’s employment status completely changed (in child support court he was unemployed and unable to work due to disability, whereas in our custody case, he owned a successful surveillance camera business)...
Rather than see the over 10 positive drug tests for what they were…
Most judges, mediators (and even my own attorney at times!) found one solution much simpler:
The female in this situation is crazy and vindictive.
Humans are lazy. Even those whose livelihoods are built around saving the lives of others will often do only the bare minimum that is required. I see it as an ICU nurse all the time.
So when someone gives them an easy explanation- they take it. Done and done.
It truly is amazing to me that my ex-husband tested positive for meth over 10 times, and the judge allowed him to contest every single one. I was told that I would have to fly in the medical review officers (not the people at the actual drug testing facilities, but the lab workers, often out of state) who interpreted the drug test results and pay them to testify as expert witnesses in order to have the tests considered as evidence. Thankfully, (or not so thankfully, really) my proof came in before I paid the money to do this. Unfortunately, it came in the form of my child suffering harm (he is okay now).
Just something to consider, as we so often hear the saying:
The easiest explanation is usually the one that’s true.
With a narcissist, the truth is often so difficult to get to that most people will give up and just accept their word instead.
One tactic I noticed my ex’s attorney used was to throw every accusation at me just to see what would stick. This was another tactic to exhaust both me and the judge. I had to learn to not even bother addressing some of them. I learned that doing so only gave weight to the accusations. By the way, my ex’s attorney’s signature is literally a dollar sign. That is how big of a douche narcissist he is as well.
Watch out for the tactic of exhaustion. Narcissists use it, and they use it well.
This whole thing can be prevented by not dating a narc in the first place. That's why you leave at the first sign of disrespect. There are always red flags we ignore.. this is NOT victim shaming, it's a PSA. I still remember the first red flag of every toxic moron I have dated. Cringy stuff I shouldn't have ignored. Unfortunately, I was raised by narcs so I am drawn to them. Trauma bonds keep me feeling like it's impossible to leave but I have managed to once they play the wrong card (intense cruelty, cheating, gaslighting something we both seen etc). The last narc I dated it was only a month but it was still a hard lesson. I was anxious and cried so much it felt like a year. Why didn't I leave? I assumed I was unhinged because there was plausible deniability. As soon as he stopped making sense, I was out. He was saying some guy makes him jealous even though I blocked him weeks before. Instead of maturely finding a resolution, he wanted to whine instead and leave it up in the air to continue bothering me about. I don't play that crap lol. The first red flag with him happened the very first time I met him. I said I think he is attractive and he said, "I know, I'm hot." . It made my stomach do a flip but I ignored it. I figured if he was a narc I would know in time and walk. Rookie mistake lol, they can cause so much pain and trauma bond in a short period of time. Anyway, I am with a HVM now for over a year, still no red flags or anxiety. Looks like none of that crap was actually my problem even though they are very good at making it seem like it is.