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Edited: Mar 21

When he makes comments about other women in front of you… leave him. He doesn’t like or respect you.

Listen y'all. If a man truly likes and respects you, and if he's truly a HVM, he will NOT comment on other women around you. He will not check out other women around you. You will never have to doubt that you're his first and only choice. Doesn't matter if the most beautiful supermodel is standing in front of you. He will still make it known that you're his #1.

I find myself frustrated, as per usual, by the dating advice I see being given online and also in real life. Scrotes and pick mes around the world seem to try to gaslight us into thinking that we should be alright with our man gawking at and commenting on the beauty of other women while we just sit there quietly with a smile on our face because "that's just how men are", "men are just ViSuAL creatures", and to avoid being labeled as "insecure".

Not only does this usually make the OTHER woman extremely uncomfortable if she notices or hears, but it also makes you feel uncomfortable too. You ask him not to say things like that, you ask him to maybe keep that thought about that woman's ass to himself next time. You CoMmUnIcAtE with him.

At best, he gives you a half hearted apology and says that he'll do better (though he will always fall back into old behavior eventually). At worst... he calls you InSeCuRe.

You ask friends and family for advice. You ask the internet for advice. Everyone tells you you're being insecure! Yeah he was oogling at the waitresses boobs throughout the whole dinner. Yeah he made a comment on how your friend is a hottie. Yeah he told that cashier that she has beautiful eyes right in front of you. But but, people tell you it's natural for a man to find other women attractive! You're warned to stop nagging him and to just be the cool girl or else you'll be seen as insecure and he'll leave you for someone else. "He ChOsE yOu!!!"

Men will tell you "oh just because we look, it doesn't mean that we actually want her." Lol, nah. From my experience in my own relationships and also observing others relationships, a man who blatantly gawks at other women in front of you is either:

Trying to neg you and bring down your self esteem
Is unfulfilled in the relationship and settling for you, but doesn't want to break up with you because he doesn't want to be alone

Also from my experience, men DO actually want to be with these women, but they know that they will never have a chance with any of them. He didn't CHOOSE you. He's settling for you. And girl you deserve better. Because you best believe that if he suddenly felt like he DID have a chance with these women he fawned over in front of you, he'd be gone.

In my experience, a HVM will never make you feel uncomfortable or disrespect you in ANY way when other pretty women are around you. Of course, it's natural to be attracted to other people!! But that's not what this is about. It's not natural to constantly give in to that attraction when you have a partner.

And trust me, men know this. They hate when women give them this same treatment. I've heard countless stories where a woman is fed up with how her scrote BF acts around other women, and so she starts acting the same way around other men. This usually results in her scrote BF throwing a temper tantrum because he can't handle it and knows that he's being disrespected.

So now this is what I tell any woman who will listen to me...

It's not about INSECURITY. It's about RESPECT.

And you deserve respect. So if a scrote acts this way around you, just leave. There are HVM out there who know how to treat their woman with respect no matter who they're around. Don't waste your breath on him, don't spend time explaining to him how he's hurt your feelings... he knows how he's disrespecting you, he just doesn't care. Walk away from men like this and don't look back!

22 answers0 replies

Comments (22)

NotTheOne

Mar 21

•

Absolutely. These men, if given half the chance, will absolutely cheat on you with the woman they're ogling.

LevelingUp

Mar 21

Replying to

Most definitely!!

soyuz

Mar 22

•

Something that took me too long to understand. It would make me feel bad every time a man did it too and I thought I was just being insecure or possessive. I think another aspect of this is, if he's making comments about other women, asking you for advice, seemingly triangulating, etc and it's like early on, or a guy that you are just getting to know, etc...he also literally just doesn't like you like that and is just using you for validation. I had experienced a couple instances of me having a crush on a guy, having to listen to him talk about other women in that way, and each instance he was either 1. literally just seeing me 'as a friend' or 2. knew I liked him, but wanted to string me along because he liked the validation I got by sticking around him and giving him female attention. Either way, it was clearly a guy that just didn't reciprocate the same type of interest I had, and that's no good.

LevelingUp

Mar 22

Replying to

Yes very good point!! And even if you’re friends with a guy who acts like this and ALSO flirts with you (and even if you’re sleeping together), it still doesn’t mean he likes you... at all. It just means that he likes the attention lol.

To add onto your point, if you're friends with a guy who acts generally disinterested like you describe and suddenly starts changing his behavior and pursuing you, there’s a 99% chance that he’s settling for you because he couldn’t get the other women that he was talking to you about (ask me how I know, lol 🤦🏻‍♀️).

I truly believe that men know very early on whether they want to be in a relationship with a woman. If it takes him months and months of friendship to figure it out, he’s just not that into you.

It’s kind of like the earlier stage version of the FDS advice “if he doesn’t know that he wants marriage with you early on then he’s settling and just not that into you.”

And my last point… this is why I don’t do friendships with men anymore. NOTHING good comes of it!

Edited

Tris Canna

Mar 22

Great post! Plenty of scrotes in relationship on the internet admit to fantasize about other women and wank on it. Men checking out women is never harmless.

I just want to add, even if a man comments negatively about other women, he's still paying other women attention which is disrespectful to both us and the other women. It's also a controlling behavior because he wants us to "prove" that we aren't like the other woman.

LevelingUp

Mar 22

Replying to

Oh yeah very true! That’s just as much of a red flag, if not more so. Instant ick when men insult other women in a way that’s supposed to “compliment” you.

LevelingUp

Mar 21

And a bonus for the ladies that need to hear it… this has nothing to do with your own physical appearance.

There are scrotes who gawk at and make gross comments about other women even when they have a beautiful supermodel girlfriend by their side who is leagues above them. There are HVM who wouldn’t dare act that way because they love, cherish and respect their woman even if she doesn’t fit into conventional beauty standards (but HE finds her beautiful which is all that matters to the HVM).

(A LVM is more concerned with impressing his “bros” by getting the latest hot chick than he is actually pursuing and investing in someone that he’s attracted to even if his “bro friends” don’t approve).

A LVM feels entitled to women, whether it’s as “innocent” as blatantly checking her out or making comments about her appearance even if it clearly makes her uncomfortable, or pursuing her and cheating on his partner if he’s given the opportunity.

It’s all about the man, his mindset, and level of maturity.

LevelingUp

Mar 21

Replying to

Not sure if this was your intention, but I don’t think that dissing another woman’s appearance is the answer (who knows, maybe he’s genuinely into the muscular look). But I definitely agree that scrotes will literally grasp at any given opportunity to triangulate and make you feel small and insecure, to the point where they just make themselves look desperate and ridiculous.

I do think that a lot of scrotes love to pick out the woman who is the least similar to ourselves and compliment her in order to make us feel inadequate as we are.. If you’re a tall skinny blonde then the scrote bf suddenly compliments the short curvy brunettes, if you have a soft and feminine body type then the scrote bf compliments the fit and muscular women, etc etc.

But yeah, there’s no winning!

Mol17

Mar 21

Replying to

Yeah but the whole point is that it's insulting and abusive for them to do that to us in the first place. I guess i was just lashing out at the manly looking woman since I'm a petite conventionally attractive blonde and he was trying to dig the knife in deep out of spite and envy like the jealous psychopath he is. But yes he wanted my emotional reaction and to upset me on purposely. I wwish men like this were locked up and not allowed to interact with women. They make my blood boil in rage and just wanna get them back ten fold worse than how they did to me.

Edited

LevelingUp

Mar 21

Replying to

I understand. I know how much it hurts in the moment. Just gotta direct that rage towards him and not the other woman! And by “direct that rage towards him”, I simply mean use that rage as motivation to walk away from him and never look back!!

Your “revenge” is not allowing men like him to have access to you anymore, and continuing to live your best life without their presence dragging you down.

Sounds like you don’t interact with this guy anymore but I just mean in general.

No doubt in my mind that he was trying to get under your skin and manipulate you by pointing out a woman that’s the opposite of yourself.

Once you can clearly see the games the scrotes are playing, you gain the power to no longer let their actions affect your self worth. It gets easier to take a step back and see the absolute pettiness for what it is and not take it personally (I’m not perfect with this yet either, but it does get easier with time the more you remind yourself of these things).

Unimpressed 🤷🏼‍♀

Mar 22

I remember when I first found FDS, a post just like this felt so validating for me to read, after so many awful experiences with men draining my self esteem with their thoughtless comments about other women. I never felt like I was good enough for them, when really I should have realized that they were not good enough for me. To this day, I'm still anxious about watching tv or movies with men I date, because I worry they will ogle or make comments about the actresses (and lord knows everything needs to have female nudity in it these days 🙄). I used to think I needed to work on my self esteem, that I was making a mountain out of a molehill everytime I cried to my boyfriends about how they hurt me with their inconsiderate comments. But then I stopped to think and realized that I myself would never comment on other attractive men in front of my boyfriends. I had more self awareness and integrity than that. I was able to stop and think how such a comment would make my boyfriend feel, and I was able to stop myself from saying it (not very hard to do when you are capable of empathy). It's not that you're being iNsEcUrE, it's that you're dating a scrote who lacks basic human decency. HE'S the insecure one for feeling the need to bring you down to his level because he isn't capable of rising up to yours. It's best to cut these people out of your life before they destroy your self worth.

LevelingUp

Mar 22

Replying to

Glad you liked the post 🙂 FDS was also one of the first spaces where all of my feelings on this stuff were validated. Finally I was given permission to listen to my intuition after years of ignoring it until I got my heart broken and self esteem destroyed.

Also yeah I’ve always naturally had the respect for my boyfriends not to make comments about other men that I find attractive… it just seemed like common decency and treating him with respect! The idea of staring at or talking about an attractive man in front of my partner makes me feel so shitty, which always REALLY made me feel terrible that men do this so carelessly.

So many men simply do not practice empathy or consider our feelings, period.

Unknown member

Mar 24

Replying to

I can so relate to this! I was also gaslighted into making a mountain out of a molehill, "every man checks out other women, it's harmless" and blah blah, so I always doubted myself. But at the same time I was always respectful and would NEVER make comments about other men, so I thought: "If I can do it, why can't he do the same? Why am I made to feel as I am in the wrong here?" Yes, us humans are not blind, we notice other people, but the difference is, there is absolutely no need to COMMENT on other women in front of your SO. Keep it to yourself. It's not just about the respect, but also about the fact that if a man comments on another woman, it sends the message that you're just a placeholder because he can't be with that "hot woman" and I am not interested in being anyone's placeholder. And yes, when I discovered FDS I felt so validated too!

hamburgerfries

Mar 22

I don't understand why our "insecurity" is blamed for all this. If anything, this type of scrote behavior CAUSES the insecurity in the first place.

Unknown member

Mar 24

Replying to

Very true, it's actually the behavior that causes the insecurity. Labelling it as "insecurity" is just a convenient way for them to place the burden onto us so can continue with their sleazy ways.

Unknown member

Mar 22

This is one of my biggest icks.

Literally, if a man does this in front of me, I can’t be interested anymore. It is that big of a turnoff.

Edited

Unknown member

Mar 24

Replying to

Same for me. When I was a pickme, I felt like I had to prove myself, that I am better or worthy. But deep down I always thought: "why don't you go be with her then if she is so much hotter?". And eventually it would boil up and I would say it to his face and then I was done. Nowadays I am not even interested in getting to know him if he mentions other women and I certainly will not prove myself anymore. I've come a long way thanks to FDS. <3

hamburgerfries

Mar 21

If the man doesn't agree about that one thing about looking at another woman being the same as adultery in the heart, then he's out the window.

Edited

Unknown member

Mar 23

IF he also mentions "Lets check out other women together!" you better run quicker than you blink. Don't agree just to be the cool girl because that gives him the excuse to get away with it by involving you in it

LevelingUp

Mar 23

Replying to

Lol so many pick mes jump on this train and say “I check out the women with him so I don’t mind!!” If you can’t beat them, join them type of mentality. There’s no way those pick mes aren’t secretly seething underneath their fake smiles while they “join in” objectifying women with their bfs.

leighlawrence22

Mar 27

you know you're doing something right if a LVM is accusing you of being " jealous and insecure".

When he makes comments about other women in front of you… leave him. He doesn’t like or respect you.

It's not about INSECURITY. It's about RESPECT.

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