What people do you have personal reasons for not dating?

I could write a ton, but one non-negotiable is he must freely enjoy giving and receiving physical affection without the expectation of an orgasm. I am done with men who are terrible at foreplay, don’t enjoy it themselves, don’t understand it’s importance in lovemaking, or see any and all physical closeness as just an opportunity to get their dick wet.

- He invites me back to his home after a first date = he’s trying to have sex asap and will sleep with any woman who says yes

- He feels comfortable trying to hug or kiss me during the first date = he doesn’t have enough respect and nervousness toward me

- He has more than 1 drink on a date = he’s dependent on alcohol to have fun or to manage his nerves

- He doesn’t text me within 24 hours of a date = he’s playing the field and doesn’t care enough to prioritize and pursue me

- He mentions that he’s living in this city temporarily = he purposely didn’t make this clear before the date, he’s dating to have fun and not to find a stable long-term relationship

Oh I have so many personal preferences, I don't think I could ever make an exhaustive list. Maybe some that are a little less common would be

• doesn't eat meat (have said this a number of times before) at the very least, preferably vegan

• child-free and not super keen on marriage (he should want to if I want to, but not rush to chain me to him legally)

• enjoys the small things and doesn't require new adventurous experiences all the time – the boring and mundane things have to be fun with him

• needs to have an intellectually/creatively challenging hobby, but without being pretentious about it

• has to be okay with my neurodivergence and know / learn how to deal with it

• needs to be flexible and open to my suggestions. Many women here want a man who leads and has a clear vision for his future – this is not really my preference. I want someone to co-create a life with. It's not exhausting for me as I am constantly full of ideas and would feel held back by someone who wanted to take the lead all the time. Of course, he should still be able to take initiative when needed.

• needs to be very sensitive, cute, goofy and cuddly. Might be too childlike for some. In the same vein: he can't have a dark or overly sarcastic sense of humor, it should be lighthearted and “harmless”.

• needs to be meticulous, detail-oriented and observant

• ideally not an only child (I don't have siblings and I want to have siblings by proxy haha)

• a family person but not chained to them, needs to be available to make independent decisions like moving to another city without the distance to his family being an issue

• has an above average grooming regimen. I like a touch of vanity in a man.

• is a little “alternative”, think metal/goth scene, but without making it his whole personality

• I prefer kind to a fault (”Golden Retriever”) over bitter and cynical

• doesn't live to work but works to live

• likes “outercourse” at least as much as PIV

• ETA: I also like a big vocabulary, preferably with sciencey and geeky terms lol. Bonus points if he makes puns with them.

I have no dating experience, but I already know which guys would be an absolute NO for me to date: criminals, religious men (fundamentalists or not, the answer is no), men who have casual sex often (aka fuckboys), men who're cruel to staff or to women they find unattractive, socially awkward nerds, men whose social life is mostly partying, drinking, and hooking up; men who don't make any effort in courting a woman, ''laid-back'' types who are unwilling to commit, lazy men who won't improve themselves (mentally, physically, etc.).

No Porn - there for 99% of the population

No Allergies - they sniff and spit and clear their throats and it dries up my vagina

No Divorcees - more than one, I'm wondering WTAF is wrong with you

No Muffin Tops -

No Health Issues - not taking care of you dude

Picky/unhealthy eaters. If a man won't eat salad...

I participated in the first thread and I really enjoyed reading everyone's comments! I did get a good laugh, too!

One that I didn't put in my first submission - and it's a big one for me - is how I can't deal with low energy guys. There are outdoor shopping villages near where I live, and one place specifically is my favorite for what the events that they do every month. For example, this past weekend there was a huge display of sand castles made by local sand artists. This place is also situated on a hill, so a lot of the promenades vary from level ground to going up a steep incline or climbing up or down stairs.

A guy who complains that they are tired even before we get to one of the places is not who I want to go with. The only reason they are making excuses is because they would rather be somewhere indoors where they can park in front of a bar. I don't mind getting something to eat and drink afterwards, but this is not how I want to spend my day, especially when the weather isn't oppressively hot.

I had an ex who could only walk for ten minutes and he was tired. Even though it wasn't the specific place I described above, we went to the local city where walking is basically what you're going to do! I would have to forewarn him, "Do you realize how much walking that is?" and he would say, "We're not doing that then!" Stay home if you don't have the energy because I am going to go walk around, shop, or hike.

Neat post idea! Learning about others stuff is a great way to break that patriarchal mindset of "all women being born and down to date males at all times".

• I had dated men as a means to not be homeless (only works when you're 17 apparently), the same actually happened to my mother. I learned very recently that She had gotten raped multiple times before the age of thirteen and my grandmother abused her and she didn't know how to act, she got connection and attention from men because my grandmother was a pick-me that played the saint when I was a kid.

• I have vaginismus (probably from past life trauma, Mark Wolyn anyone?)

, I remember being 16 and having 36 year old men telling me to "fix myself" or dates being like "When are you going to fix yourself?" Lmao like never. In all the hell I've been through I've never respected any man enough to let him inside me. None of them deserve it, I'm a gorgeous self made woman and I'm not letting a shit stained shlong inside of my ethereal temple. I literally wouldn't show attraction to any of them and they'd be like "so when can we have sex?" Like never lol , once I get that across they leave. It shows that they're never in it for the personality or the compatibility, they literally only want sex.

• I'm scared of getting raped and pregnant and I'm not going to waste my time, hormones, money and bodily health just to buy paranoia induced birth control. I might want kids? Only a daughter but if it's a son I'll just have an "oopsie" at the lake. I want a sperm donor so I can kinda choose what my daughter will look like and I want enough money to support her without a parasitic male on site. I want to raise the ultimate boss and give her the childhood I would've wanted, surrounded by archeology books and cute things, financial education, home gym and free drivers lessons. Sorry I'm rambling on this one haha, just sharing my crazy pipe dreams.

• men literally aren't attractive. There was a time when I thought they were decent looking but after dating so many I just look at their faces and I'm like "oh yeah you've never washed a dish in your life and you're allergic to exercising and skincare, no thanks."

At 23 most guys my age can be summed up to:

- play games all day, call yourself feminist, watch hentai, blame anxiety on everything, never get a job but get a college degree handed to you.

I try dating older guys:

- finds out I can't have sex with them THENNN they start caring about the 5 year age gap. Then "we're not compatible" and then he literally puts no effort to be attractive even though I'm a goddamn snack, I still did some things in bed too but I'm stopping, they don't deserve any of it.

They literally only want sex.

But here's the catch! I meet plenty of women who can have sex, and it's not even good enough.

"Fix myself" for what? It's almost like sex itself is just an elaborate scheme for men to oppress us and get high on an ephemeral meaningless moment just to beg for more. It's all just a smelly rat race that only benefits men.

• I have a hard time being attracted to men to begin with. I love women too but I swear by the time a girl figures out she's gay she's already a single mother and wants me to "help" with that while also keeping in touch with men, like uhhh no. I'm still "a girl" to a lot of people and "girls" my age can't figure out that they're gay because of patriarchy, the constant gaslighting and hetero smoke screens that conservatives and libs like to place in front of us.

Every time I try getting closer to a girl she thinks I'm creepy or "using her for something", I'm just gay and I'm not trying to steal their Sephora lipstick or their crush. 🙄 Dating markets been annoying as shit. Deleted all the apps and now I'm just making money and trying to focus on my career.

I'm completely content with dying alone too because honestly animals do that shit all the time, it's not scary, we're conditioned by lonely men to think it is but I'm honestly just chillin. Even basing my existence on my angering past experiences is exhausting. Just live like the animal you are, nobody gives cash prizes to the birds who got laid and started a family. Our entire dating market is influenced by the fact that men only exist to have sex and die. We're much more valuable than that and we don't need to constantly partner up.

My list of turn-offs is so long that it would fit pretty much the entire human population at this point, but I guess the main ones are:

-not having any creative/artsy hobbies. I just feel like it's unnatural if you don't draw, paint, write, sing, play an instrument, etc. Idk how you can rawdog reality without some creative coping mechanism.

-not liking the company of animals or young children. this includes not getting excited when you see animals. that's very strange. like this guy who would have no reaction to me sending him pictures of my cats.

-not getting excited to see me, being a bad texter, never making plans

-not understanding mental health issues or thinking depression isn't real

-being unwilling to try to understand different cultures

-liking celebrities too much

-commenting on appearances of people too much, like saying random people look good or don't look good, judging people's clothing, etc.

-being elitist/classist, acting like they look down on poor people