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Oh, calm down. I’m not telling any of ya’ll to start wearing magic underwear.
I have no interest in most of what this church teaches/ promotes.
But let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater. There are nuggets of wisdom to be found just about anywhere.
Ever seen a bum on the side of the road wearing underwear on his head? And out of nowhere he just says something that completely blows your mind? Makes you rethink your entire existence?
And it came to pass… (Book of Mormon phrase)
Okay, okay, I’ll get to the point.
Here are some things I think the Mormons get right about dating.
Dating isn’t encouraged until the age of 16. I think that’s smart. I dated before 16, but looking back I was a literal freaking child. I had no business dating before that.
When they do start dating, they are to go on group dates only until they’ve reached adulthood.
They are encouraged to date as many people as possible, for the purpose of getting to know people of the opposite sex only. They go bowling, to the movies, mini golfing. Of course, no alcohol is to be consumed- that would be a total violation of Joseph Smith’s precepts. Caffeine is also discouraged, but some rebellious teens do imbibe (I’ve even known some to sip on Red Bulls- the scandal).
They are discouraged from showing physical affection. Even hand-holding and “petting” is frowned upon.
Once they reach the age of 18, they are allowed to go on private dates. However, they are still encouraged to date around as much as possible, with the same caveat as before: no getting physical. The goal is the same: get to know different types of people. Find someone you really click with.
Then when you find the one? Seal the deal. Get married.
Yes, this is where the ideology starts to clash with FDS. We encourage a longer vetting period, and rightfully so. This part we can leave for the saints.
But I think many of us who have been raped, abused, and psychologically tortured by LVM we hastily fell into relationships with can admit that group dates and avoiding alcohol LIKELY would have prevented many of our woes.
I don’t know about ya’ll, but I definitely ended up in LONGterm (oh, goodness, did they last way too long) relationships with men I never would have given the time of day had I been of sound mind before we engaged in “petting”. Group dates, no drinking, and getting to know many suitors before settling on one? I think that’s best practice.
The rest? As I said, I’m not Mormon. I’ll leave it.
But there is one more thing that comes along later that I do like. I like it a lot.
Mormons believe that married couples should have one date night a week. Every single week. This is not just encouraged- it is MANDATED by the “elders”. It’s something that every Mormon couple I know does. They have babysitters who come by on the same day of every week to accommodate their date night needs.
Wouldn’t life be just a bit easier if our society made it clear that men are expected to continue to woo their wives, even after marriage? Without having to join a religion that has many, many issues… really, I have no interest in it. I just think- wouldn’t these parts be nice?
What are your thoughts on these Mormon dating practices?
We need to do shit like this, but with hand holding and kissing still involved for teens.
And yeah, ALL religious men like to marriage trap women as soon as possible, but marriage should still be a goal.
Finding a non religious, spiritual guy who dates like a sane person in the wild is a fever dream of mine.
Hahhaa. I appreciate the tongue in cheekiness of this post, and humour.
We in the liberal West can learn a lot from conservative cultures. We can cherry-pick practices that benefit us and discard practices that don't.
The dating practices you described sound healthy to me.
This isn't Mormonism, this is just common sense? Shocked that anything else is going on - Who the hell is letting their under 18 year old go on dates alone with the opposite sex, as dangerous as males are, with date rapes going on all the time, let alone drink. Girls are being slipped drugs at parties. That's some bad parenting.
So basically be friends with as many people as possible before dating. Yeah I believe that too. I don’t think if you are privately dating someone you should be exploring other options past the third date it leads to a false abundance mentality.
Mormons are encouraged to date as many peole as they can? That idea is truly wild coming from a religion.
Mandated couples date nights?
These actually do sound like good points. I wonder how it works out in practice though. For instance, the "separate but equal" sphres of responsibility for different genders is something you hear alot from churches, but the reality is anything but equality.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe that it’s after the third date, where the couple decides if they think that there’s a future that will lead into marriage. If there is, they’ll continue dating seriously and it will eventually lead to marriage in the near future. If not, they’ll cut their losses and move on to find another person.