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Let's brainstorm/roast. I'm not going to compile my entire list in one place publicly for security reasons, but what specific adulting related tasks are standards for you for the men you date, and bonus why are they there?
I'll start:
financial literacy - pays their own bills and isn't in a ton of debt (no personal reason just standard)
keeps their vehicle mechanically safe and in good working order (3 months into dating an ex found a recall for his car airbags he hadn't had fixed yet. He had driven us several times at this point.)
has a sense of personal style and knows how to dress himself appropriately for the situation (watched my sullen father complain every time we went somewhere that required dressing up - he often demanded my mom lay out his clothes and then complained about what she picked. I'm not explaining clothing or dress codes to a grown adult.)
not afflicted by selective incompetence doing household tasks (I clean/do laundry for no one! We all personally or vicariously have lived through a man purposely fucking chores up to get out of them.)
LET'S ADD SOME MORE:
can answer 2 or more questions sent within the same message (shocking how many men I've encountered that are seemingly incapable of this??)
understands the concept of mental load (and doesn't try to pawn it off on me)
remembers others' birthdays, anniversaries, etc by himself (especially his own family's)
I also just want to throw out there that my standards list has 6 categories. Adulting is just one of them! Will probably make this post a series and get the community's input on each category over a series of days/weeks.
- able to manage stress in a healthy way
- takes career matters into his own hands
- can plan social events
- appropriate gift giving
- can develop routines and organizational systems that work for him
- can do basic repairs
- does not make any of this my problem (my ex used to "adult" just fine most of the time, but he always made a big fuss about it)
- can course correct whenever he misses the mark on any of those things
- Can drive, and can drive well
- Can cook properly (it's beyond shocking to me how many can't)
- Can keep on top of their health by exercising and eating properly and regularly
- Doesn't sit around like dead wood on family holiday occasions when the women around him are cooking, organising and clearing stuff up (i.e takes initiative during those moments)
Understanding the concept of a mental loaf and doesn’t try to pawn it off on me is a big one. I never want to hear “you should’ve asked” or “make a list” ever fucking again.
I agree with all of those (especially good fashion sense, men with good dress sense are so more attractive!)
ill add these based on my personal experience;
- He needs to actually give a damn about his health. My degree is medical related, I know which cancers are caused by poor diet, all the health risks and benefits of eating certain foods, I CANNOT watch a man destroy his health eating junk food all the time relying on ME to cook and feed him healthy food. He needs to be a grown ass man who takes responsibility for what he eats. My ex basically set me up to be a nag, saying "i will eat better when i move in with you", he also gave himself a kidney stone. I'm not having that, it stresses me out too much.
- Needs to have a degree (ideally in one similar to mine, a STEM related one, since that means we will have something in common). Men without a degree are more likely to be low value, in my experience.
- Can cook and likes maintaining cleanliness around the house
- Good with kids and loves animals
- Researches into adulting tasks like a nerd, ie driving, parenting, etc eager to learn
- Always looking for ways to improve and grow
- An engagement ring he buys needs to be high value, not cheap, and a type of gem stone and metal that he knows i like.
- Financially independent and autonomous, good with money and does fully not rely on his parents/family.
- Bonus if he knows how to do DIY stuff well, and can lift heavy items around the house because i dont have the strength
- can cook and maintain a healthy, balanced, adult diet on his own (and doesn't survive on take out, fast food, frozen meals, eating out and eating at his mom's house)
I love this! Please post the other categories soon.
Got another: he has to be able to make phone calls. There are people who refuse to make a phone call if they have any choice in the world. I think it's so childish. Grow up, get a grip, and dial the damn phone.
Action item: dump him if he says "sorry I didnt make a reservation for dinner tonight, the restaurant doesnt let you make reservations online". That means he's scared of phones.