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OLD is strongly discouraged in FDS, for good reason. Most men using OLD are scrotes just looking for easy sex and to cheat. However, I still use it, as do many others in this forum. While I believe meeting a man organically is the ideal situation, my main reason for using OLD is because it helps me more easily vet for similar relationship goals before wasting any of my time talking to them. I am strictly childfree and will not date any man who "isn't sure" or "wants kids." These profiles get blocked before they even have the chance to message me. Similarly, any man who lists anything other than "monogomy" or "long term relationship" for what he's looking for on his profile is a block and delete.
Being on OLD takes A LOT of vetting, but so does meeting a man IRL. When you meet a man IRL, it can take more of your precious time vetting for the very basics that may just be listed in plain sight on a man's profile online. If a man seems good on paper IRL, that doesn't mean he isn't also using dating apps to look for women on the side (side note, how you you vet for this?). If you have an OLD profile, it is easier to see if a man you may be starting to see also has a profile, or if he represents himself differently online than he does to you in person. What if he says in person that he is looking for something serious, but his OLD profile shows otherwise?
The last point I'll make is that it definitely matters which OLD platforms you use to try and find a HVM. I personally only use Hinge. I never send 'likes' to men; I wait for them to come to me so I'm not wasting my time swiping through garbage. But, like I said, sometimes I will just block profiles that show up if their basics don't align with what I'm looking for. This way, my profile will never show up to them and they won't be able to waste my time by trying to match. Tinder is filled with people looking to hookup, and Bumble is filled with NVM who don't even want to be bothered to send the first message; therefore, don't expect them to plan a date or do anything beyond the bare minimum. They too are just looking for easy sex.
There are plenty of men on ALL dating apps who are just looking for easy sex, but that goes for men you meet IRL too. We always need to keep vetting regardless of how the interaction was formed. If you follow FDS standards and never entertain LV behavior, even OLD can be a positive experience. I have met a handful of men from OLD (after diligent vetting) who seemed perfectly pleasant and behaved in a HV manner, but things didn't work out simply for general compatibility issues. HVM are hard to find, and the general consensus is that you won't find them on dating apps. While I'd like to agree with this, I still believe there can be some exceptions in the case my HVM is out there using apps for the same reasoning I am (to more easily filter through the people who don't want the same thing, before wasting each other's time).
We see a lot of OLD posts on this forum that I think are just general pickme trash--ie, behavior from scrotes that should have been IMMEDIATE block and delete situations and obvious to any long-time FDSer (or people who have read the handbook before posting). I wanted to make this post because clearly OLD is still popular, but I think it should be for the right reasons, and with little expectations. We should not be centering our thoughts or time around OLD or actively using it to find matches. We should only be entertaining messages from men who clearly exhibit HV traits in the way their profiles look and the way they message you. We should not be doing any emotional labor in overthinking what to say or how to respond or try to keep the conversation going. We need to block and delete at the first sign of disrespect or disinterest. We do not accept low effort dates. We do not entertain love-bombing or endless messaging without being asked on a proper date. We stop using OLD completely if we feel our energy is being drained or our time is being compromised. There is an endless list of reasons not to use OLD, but since it seems to be the way of the world, I am hoping there are some FDS-approved exceptions. Thoughts?
Unfortunately it's only men I don’t find attractive at all approach me in person. Most attractive men that I’ve been with Ive met thru OLD. And yes the uglies who ask me out in person just also happen to want a free easy hook up like a lot OLD men.
" I am strictly childfree and will not date any man who "isn't sure" or "wants kids." These profiles get blocked before they even have the chance to message me. Similarly, any man who lists anything other than "monogamy" or "long term relationship" for what he's looking for on his profile is a block and delete."
My issue with this is it requires actually trusting they're telling the truth. I've been on hinge in my early 20s, went on dates with men who had "long term relationship" on their profile, but turned out to be fuckboys. Same with kids, a lot of people in the long run will change their mind about wanting kids.
If you look on r/tinder, you would quickly see that those on OLD apps are misogynistic, entitled, incel like LVM who get disgusted if a woman on there says they want to be taken for dinner. They do not show this in the screenshots with women they post but on reddit they talk total shit about her.
Back when I played around with OLD, a lot of men seemed undesirable, had red flags, or appeared to be fuckboys. There were some decent one I got matched with but they pretty much never messaged me first. I think a lot of men use OLD to get matches as a free ego boost.
I really hate OLD. I redownloaded it this year and even tho I was 23 at the time ALL of my suggested "best" matches were men in their 30's! 🤢Made me sick to my stomach ngl. I lasted 5 days. I did find a few dates with attractive men my age, but that was after hundreds of messages from shitty dudes saying lewd things or giving me death threats because one day I'd like to see Europe. 🤕 The incels soured even the good guys and I ended up deleting it before it went anywhere. I can agree there's a few good guys on there lurking but the overwheling majority are horrible, evil men and the kind of thick skin one needs to wade through all that is... sigh.
OLD is not for the weak. No man would ever be able to get away with calling me sugar tits in real life without getting socked in the face, either by me or someone else.
Great post! I agree with all the points you made.
"I am strictly childfree and will not date any man who 'isn't sure' or 'wants kids.' These profiles get blocked before they even have the chance to message me."
I am childfree as well and have implemented this strategy since my 20s. I do not want anything to do with men who are not also childfree. I would argue any man who 1) "isn't sure" or "wants" kids AND 2) swipes right on you has demonstrated, in no uncertain terms, that he intends to use you for sex/attention.