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Never try to be the “cool laid back mom” when it comes to these things.
Just because the boy’s parents promise “they’ll keep an eye on both of them.” or “make them keep the door open” doesn’t mean anything.
Once that door closes and you leave that boys family to take care of your daughter you basically gave up your ability to protect her and the ability to witness whats going on.
Those promises about “watching them” or “making them keep the door open” can completely go out the window at any time.
Boy moms are usually pickmes while fathers are usually enablers (or even encouragers) to their abusive and predatory sons behaviors. They don’t care about the safety of your daughter even if they claim they do. It’s a lie.
If anything they’re more likely to consider your daughter a threat to their son and, assume she’s “promiscuous”, think shes not good enough for him and secretly hate her. That or they’ll see your daughter as an opportunity for their son to finally “get laid” or to “lose his virginity so his bros won’t make fun of him anymore.”
Don’t expect the parents to step in if he starts physically assaulting her or sexually coercing her into something she doesn’t want to do.
These boy parents don’t care. Their son could literally rape and beat your daughter in front of them and all they’ll think is “This girl better not be a threat to my precious boys reputation. Shes not good enough for him. I don’t know why hes with someone like her. I hope she doesn’t take my precious boy away from me”
Hypothetically even if they do care, don’t expect the parents to actually attempt to physically pull their son off your daughter or tell you or the police what actually happened because they most likely won’t. They’re more likely to gaslight your daughter and label her as “crazy” The boys family and your daughter were the only witnesses so it’ll feel like 3+ against one for her. Even if you do take her side and defend her they can just claim “you don’t know because you weren’t there to witness anything.”
They’ll choose their own child over yours every time. Even if their son is a rapist, they will prioritize the well-being and safety of their own biological son over your daughter.
Predators are very dependent on being left alone with their targets. Predators can come in many forms. Even classmates, boyfriends and guy friends. Don’t put your guard down just because they’re both the same age or go to school together.
Even though they’re both the same age your daughter is still not an age that can consent. She doesn’t have enough life experience to notice something isn’t right. Teenage girls are far more vulnerable to manipulation. They’re less likely to have the confidence to be assertive when they’re under pressure and isolated..
Another thing is your daughter may be likely to feel guilty, feel embarrassed, feel like shes “overthinking the situation because shes over sensitive/crazy” or blame herself if something happens. She might feel afraid of “getting in trouble” or getting her boyfriend in trouble because he manipulated her into pitying him.
It’s unlikely she’ll open up to you about it right away. There could be a lot of manipulation going on in that house. You might not find out something happened until its been several months or even years later and by then it’s too late to take legal action because all the physical evidence is gone.
Its better to have a daughter that’s annoyed by your “overprotective parenting style” than it is to have a daughter thats traumatized for life.
The safety of your kids should always come first.
My first boyfriends mother (whose house I stayed at frequently) actually helped him to cheat on me which in turn brought real health issues because I was unfortunately sexually active far too early in life. I agree with this 100%. Do not trust anyone, especially with yourself or your children’s health and safety being a factor of risk.