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I had a Gift of Fear moment this week, except that I was never afraid.
After finally getting shelves in my den, I had something to get rid of on Craigslist. Now, I'm a seasoned Craigslister, never had any issues. I listed my item for free, had a flurry of interest.
I deleted any men who replied, and pinged back the first woman. We got on the phone later that day and my spider sense was tingling.
From the get go, she launched into a sob story about her mom having cancer 🚩, moving 'back' from Australia (except she had no accent) 🚩, used my name more than normal (forced teaming!) 🚩, complimented me excessively 🚩, and ignored my polite no 🚩. The details just didn't add up. Then she wanted to swing by later in the evening to get it 🚩🚩🚩. There was just something off about her.
As soon as I got off the phone, I blocked her and reached out to another lady who contacted me earlier. She lived very locally and within an hour was at my place with her husband and kids in the car. She was grateful to have the item and very polite. Our transaction was over in less than 5 minutes and everyone was happy.
So glad I listened to my instinct and didn't gaslight myself into being "nice" and holding the item for the lady who seemed off.
If you have not yet, please read Gavin de Becker's The Gift of Fear. I re-read it every single year to refresh my skills and awareness. I just re-read it in January, so it was fresh in my mind for this incident. Always listen to your instinct.
In order to survive the patriarchy that is our everyday reality, we have to be misandrist at times.
Several years ago, I stayed in an Airbnb hosted by an older woman. She told me she had a strict no-male-guests policy because men were dangerous, and if we were all sleeping under the same roof, she'd rather "take her chances with a woman". She said she turned down many men who seemed very nice, but rules were rules.
Well done on heeding your spidey senses.
I recently learned that I'm a discriminatory "misandrist" (and worse) for doing this. I only reply to women even if men wrote me first. I also only reply to polite messages in halfway reasonable full sentences (apparently that's "racism" and "discrimination", too). And if I texted or spoke to a woman but it's a man who arrives to pick up the item - which happens more often than you would guess - I don't open the door.
Who knew that not wanting to invite strange men from the internet to pick up free furniture in my home is evil misandrist discrimination.
That book is a godsend. I have it just about memorized by now.
I do a lot of Craiglist & FB Marketplace, it's the nature of one of my income streams (salvage building materials). I actually have a business page for this set up so that I do not have to disclose I'm a woman and I always google the delivery site and if it's out in the middle of nowhere or the dude seems sketchy I take one of the boys with me. I am a 6' tall, gun-toting, weight-lifting, steer-wrestling farm kid and I still take such precautions if my gut tells me I need to.
My messed up mind went to a woman helping male sex traffickers
Thank you for posting Queen. Your posts always cheer me up.
There are a lot of scammers on Craigslist.
The forced teaming manipulative tactic was new for me. A couple months before I read The Gift of Fear, I had this dude that I had only met 3 times forceteam me, and I didn't realize at the time wtf happened. I knew it felt weird, how he was trying to put us together as this "team" even though I barley knew him, but I didnt have a word for it till I read the book. I run a meetup group for Gen X'ers, and this man, came to my first 3 events. On the 3rd event, we were talking to this woman who was new and it was her first event. I was telling her how if she didn't have a friend group, that she could be a part of my group, and this man, out of no where says, "Yeah! You can be a part of our group! You can be with us and we'll be your friends!" And I looked at him like HUH?? Our group? Be with us??? You can be our friend?? Like dude, I only met this man 3 times and he was already claiming that the group was not mine but mine and his! Our group? Be friends with us?? There is no us. This is MY group not OUR group. Like wtf! But I didn't have a word for it til I read the book 2 months later. I still can't believe that MF forced teamed me like that.
https://giftoffear.com/
Free online Gift of Fear Masterclass, no sign up required to watch the linked videos.
It is a great book!