.png)
Hi Queens,
Who here has read this book by Faith Jenkins? I'm currenlty listening to chapter 5.
She goes into the importance of doing due diligence (ie vetting, in FDS lingo) when it comes to the men we date. She poses what she considers good questions to ask on first dates, and how to probe further, to get a sense if you are a mutually good match with a man.
While I agree with the value/importance of the concept of what she is saying (assessing for compatibility), we all know men are very good liars and will often tell you what they think you want to hear for as long as they can until eventually the mask comes off.
So I'm in a bit of a spot at the moment where I'm thinking...
Most LVM are pretty easy to spot.
Would a HVM be deterred by the hardcore FDS vetting approaches?
The last 'man' I was 'with' got annoyed at me being so 'guarded', but I guess that was representative of his LVM status...
Or, do HVM respect a woman for perhaps not giving away too much, and earning her trust authentically and organically?
Doesn't he wish to 'vet' too, for compatibility and standards?
EDIT: And doesn't a woman's high guard prevent him from doing that I'm not divulging much about myself?
I have a vague recollection of reading something about this in the handbook quite a while ago... Does it ring a bell for you?
I feel like as I'm writing this I have possibly come to the answer myself , ha, but I would love your thoughts and experiences on this, especially if you have found your HVM and you were vetting a LOT all the way through.
Thanks
I read “Sis, don’t settle”. It’s been mentioned here few times but I found out about it through a YouTube interview with the judge herself.
There is nothing wrong with being guarded until this man becomes trustworthy. A HVM will respect that and they will like the challenge. If a HVM is looking for a wife, he will respect her and go with whatever she is comfortable with, because he will understand that she has boundaries and respects herself.
When you say “if she is guarded”. In what way? Not saying a lot of personal info about herself??? Being too formal?
great question, waiting for the answers to roll in.
i know that i am keeping my guard up with a particular employer...he definitely negs and seems annoyed at times, yet simultaneously he respects me more than he does most of the women around him. i pretty much ignore him and do my job relative to how much i am paid for it. it takes WORK to unlearn fawning, but i definitely get more of my needs met when i DON'T do it....i don't know that that really answers your question, but that's my experience with the idea you're presenting.
A HVM would respect your needs (one of which is to get know him slowly and build up trust) and let you do whatever you need to do to feel comfortable. Don't worry about them.