“Rob Andrews is a domestic violence counselor in Australia. He told ABC News that he advises people to use what he calls the "No Test" to identify potential red flags early on in a relationship.
"The No Test is basically to watch out for the way your partner responds the first time you change your mind or say no," Andrews said.
"While expressing disappointment is OK, it's not the same as annoyed. Annoyed is 'how dare you,' a sign of ownership or entitlement."
Ownership, entitlement, control—these are red flags that often lead to increasingly abusive behavior. And though women can definitely be abusers, the reality is that women are much more likely to be the victims of domestic violence and male abusers tend to be more dangerous to their partners.”
"I hear a lot of people saying how it's so hard for men now, it's all so confusing," he said. "It's very easy to be a man. Just be polite and respectful to people, it's not that difficult really."And yet, men act like they deserve a Nobel prize when they manage to do the bare minimum.
I recall hearing the similar advice to intentionally cancel an early date with a man “because you have a deadline for work” or what have you, just to test his reaction to your scenario. Shows his true colors. Great advice.
12
Unknown member
Mar 16, 2023
Also Gavin De Becker discusses the importance of the word NO, in his book The Gift of Fear. This no test has saved my life too many times. I also call it boundary testing. If I state a clear boundary, and they immediately break it or try to figure out ways around it, it's an immediate block and delete. Men who do not respect your NO, are only trying to manipulate and control you.
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The NO test
“Rob Andrews is a domestic violence counselor in Australia. He told ABC News that he advises people to use what he calls the "No Test" to identify potential red flags early on in a relationship.
"The No Test is basically to watch out for the way your partner responds the first time you change your mind or say no," Andrews said.
"While expressing disappointment is OK, it's not the same as annoyed. Annoyed is 'how dare you,' a sign of ownership or entitlement."
Ownership, entitlement, control—these are red flags that often lead to increasingly abusive behavior. And though women can definitely be abusers, the reality is that women are much more likely to be the victims of domestic violence and male abusers tend to be more dangerous to their partners.”
"I hear a lot of people saying how it's so hard for men now, it's all so confusing," he said. "It's very easy to be a man. Just be polite and respectful to people, it's not that difficult really." And yet, men act like they deserve a Nobel prize when they manage to do the bare minimum.
So true. The response to the word “no” will give you a glimpse into your future.
I recall hearing the similar advice to intentionally cancel an early date with a man “because you have a deadline for work” or what have you, just to test his reaction to your scenario. Shows his true colors. Great advice.
Also Gavin De Becker discusses the importance of the word NO, in his book The Gift of Fear. This no test has saved my life too many times. I also call it boundary testing. If I state a clear boundary, and they immediately break it or try to figure out ways around it, it's an immediate block and delete. Men who do not respect your NO, are only trying to manipulate and control you.