.png)
Men tend to tell on themselves very early on! Like within the first few conversations. It's very important to know what to look for.
When they show interest, have great convos with you, then silence. Block.
Bad grammar / spelling name wrong though it’s clearly there printed in black and white.
“I’m a photographer let me photograph you 🤢🤮”
Listen for any repeated phrases in which they are trying to get you to believe something about their character. "I will always stand up to protect women," "It's important the man takes care of the family," "I want to financially take care of my family." - If you are hearing repeated ideals of what his character is all about, I promise the opposite is true of what he is saying. Men will SHOW you who they are, not tell you. So any guy telling you things like this in the beginning is almost always lying and trying to manipulate you. You can put money on the fact that he's love bombing you. Whatever he's saying, it's the opposite that is true.
If they say they need more time to decide on kids/marriage. I am dating a HVM right now who told me he told exes who wanted kids that he needed more time to get to know them. The truth was they were perfect in every way but wanting kids, and he didn’t own up to the fact that he never wanted them. I don't want kids and we fit together like glue, but he always thought when he was younger that he just needed time to warm up to a women to figure out if he wanted kids. As he got older he learned that wasn’t the case. On our first date he stated straight up said he didn’t want kids at all and didn’t want to waste time if I did. So if our relationship ever ended I will always keep in mind that men who want kids or marriage will know they want them immediately, even if it doesn’t happen with you, they will be forthcoming about it.
Anytime he starts off by yelling you what he's NOT gonna do, that's LV. Boundaries are great, but when he tells you shit like, "No, I'm not taking you to dinner as a first date," when Thai food costs literally the same as drinks, then just block and delete.
Keeping it lowkey
"relax"
"Let's just chill"
"I don't know what I'm looking for"
“I don’t want to define us. I don’t like labels.”: Let’s fuck when I wanna but leave me alone in between.
"Lets just hang out and see where it goes"
I'm spontaneous, I'm not the kind that plans in advance"
"We don't always have to go out. We can just watch a film and chill"
"I don't know where we should go. Just choose a place" Let me know what you want to do: instead of making actual plans themselves.
“I don’t like drama”
People who don’t like drama and tend to live a drama free life don’t need to announce they don’t like drama. People who say they don’t like drama often have drama following them. Drama with their family and friends.
"Idk what the big deal is"
"That's just my truth"
"_____ and vibe" or "good vibes, man" - I will treat you badly and take no responsibility for it because being called out on my shit attitude isn't a "good vibe"
"I'm kind of an asshole "
"Most people don't think like me. I am what you see is what you get"
"I have a sarcastic sense of humor" or "I am fluent in sarcasm." Anything about sarcasm or a dark sense of humor. = He's a verbally abusive asshole.
Mixes subtle “joke” negs with flirting in order to avoid putting himself in the position to be rejected. Crude or rude sense of humor followed by any form of "it's just a joke", or "you're over-reacting".
“I’ve never been a big fan of (marriage/kids/home buying/relocating/any life progression milestone common among mature adults) but could see it with you.”: Future faking. You’re not special, but he wants you to believe you are. You want to believe you are, too, and look what you’re willing to ignore to hang onto that.
Themselves
“I am so/always busy with work” “I am soooo busy” -I’m too busy gaming-
Travels for work
Eats all meals out (won’t cook)
Overly concerned with fitness and diet (orthorexic & overly critical)
Overly religious - trying to make up for the shitty person they know they truly are
Discussing finances or how much he makes or lacks early on.
Status symbol item overload. (He’s looking for a human status symbol)
Bragging: Guys who brag “my house” “My car” “I own a business” “How many hours I put into x game” For the first 3 it’s great if they have these things, but I feel when men brag about these things online or early in the relationship they are over compensating for something they don’t have. Plus it’s one thing to show you, it’s another thing to brag, as if it’s their lifeline.
"You aren't like other girls"
"You're just different" “Its rare I find someone I like”
“I like a woman who -something to do with general appearance or dress style or type-
“You’re so amazing. You deserve the best, better than a guy like me.”
"You're an old soul"
"Aren't you spontaneous?"
Looking for financially independent women
"I believe in 50/50"
“No sugar babies”
You look expensive / "I don't put up with princesses"
Feminism
"I'm a feminist" (aka trying to try virtue points but in actuality is libfem when it comes to porn, bdsm, sex work, etc)
Male: -hisses- feminists
Any touting of what makes a male a male and a female a female.
Past girlfriends
Anytime they are mentioning anything about an ex further than "we didn't work out."
"All my exes were crazy/ high maintenance"
Any talk about past relationships too soon, clearly not over the past.
"I'm not ready for a relationship. My ex hurt me a lot"
I was cheated on in last rship (most men wouldn't spill this right away if it were true). So they're either lying to manipulate, or they are emotional wrecks who will soon be your problem.
When asked what their longest relationship was and the answer is under a year (he was in his 30’s)
“Every woman I’ve loved has left me. I’m tired of taking risks and getting hurt.”: Women are the most overtly socialized species on earth. Take a gander at any relationship sub on reddit. Women will stay through cheating, illicit children, physical abuse, mental abuse, emotional and sexual abuse. They’ll stay when homie won’t work and they’ll stay when homie won’t fuck. They’ll stay when he makes them miserable and they’ll stay when it impacts their lives negatively in every single way. So if a series of women have left this loser, trust me there’s a fucking reason.
They're just bitter that they either chose wrong, or were such betas (because most of them are) and weren't giving a woman what she needed, so she left. But in their minds, it's because women are hypergamous, and greedy.
Sex
I’m married/poly/I creep
Physical escalation before you signal invitation, no matter how long it’s been.
Any time sexual compatibility is brought up or used as an excuse to try to get you to have sex. You're not a car that needs a test drive.
Do not fall for the, “I was in a dead bedroom in my last relationship so I need to know if we are compatible before hand” bullshit. If you aren’t compatible than breakup once commitment is established. I don’t understand having sex before gaining intimacy because I hate that kind of sex anyway. I won’t like it so why bother to prove to him we’re “compatible.”
Redpill men view dating as a way to use women for sex; it's not about being wise to our "tricks." They want to bed as many women as possible, with as little investment of time and money as possible. That's why he's offering cheap coffee dates, or to get you drunk so you don't see how LV he is.
Pets:
If a man insults my dog he ALWAYS turns out to be a misogynistic asshole. My dog is a little overweight. Men who call her fat and make fun of her weight are the biggest fucking assholes. If anyone says anything negative about my dog, that's an automatic "gtfo my house and never come back"
They're always the victim in their stories
My life is horrible because of x,y & z
Complaining about xyz repeatedly and not doing anything about it.
Telling you sob stories right off the bat to gain sympathy.
They’re all the same. They like to call women basic bitches when they’re truly the basic ones. I cant tell you how many times i saw the same lame shit on their profiles.
“be spontaneous“ (i am flaky and won’t make plans, and if you get annoyed i will claim you’re boring and not fun!).
“don’t take yourself too seriously” (i’m actually an asshole who says rude shit, wastes your time by texting you to pass the time while i’m taking a dump, and also .. i won’t make plans. And if you get annoyed that means you are and uptight prude)
”i’m an open book” (I will talk about sexual things right away and ask you personal questions that i have no business asking. If you have a problem with that, it means you are not chill, close minded and a prude. Also I tOlD U i wAS aN OpEn BoOK 🥴)
VERY VERY good post thank you for the effort queen! Xxx
Dissing your DOG who the fuck would do that. A dog is like your child.
Re pets... I'd never date a guy who claimed he "had to give up" a pet to a shelter or some stranger. Even homeless people manage to keep and feed pets.
Great post! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 I also second the 🚩 involving individuals who insult your pets. Pets mean a lot to us for different reasons, don‘t be a dick and insult them.
Beware of inconsistent and confusing behaviour that makes you unclear of where you stand EVEN if he clarifies it later 🚩
Engaging in sex early on 🚩
Claims an ex was abusive - approach this with serious caution 🚩
BDSM, particularly claiming to be a dom 🚩
Overly emotionally supportive and clingy - they do this so you can return the emotional labour and use that against you if you do not 🚩
Sob story about past trauma, even a slight mention of it 🚩
Telling you that you are soulmates (lovebombing) 🚩
I’m sorry, i’m just tripping on a guy fat-shaming a dog. How insecure do you have to be? Dog can’t even understand you! Anything beyond “oh, what a cute lil chub, yes you are!” is just… what are you trying to prove? You’re more fit than a dog. Congratulations?
All the last paragraph as well as the "men are this and women are this" red flags came up in like, week one. And I gave this guy almost two years + a second go at it. Ugh. Learning, but slowly.
This hits home 💯 Ive heard many of these quotes so many times and it’s right on the dot. Great post. Thank you 💕
Yep. Thanks for this. That last "date" hit a lot of these. He looked like someone I could get to know, but he raised the sex card very early, and kept repeating he wanted to "play the field" and also that he's just being honest (I don't think so) and also setting boundaries, etc.. I felt bad for a hot minute when I told him basically to drop dead and peeled out of the parking lot, but after thinking it over I realize I feel bad because I fell for his bullshit for a minute there and I lost my cool about it.
Brilliant post!
So very true.