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It’s as vital to vet your friends/potential friends as it is to vet any man in your life. Pick mes can be predatory which is why there are women like Ghislaine Maxwell who are hired to sex traffic other women or little girls even.
Having recently dropped multiple “friends” who detracted from my life, health and feminity, here are some red flags I noticed in them:
- Having burner accounts on social media. It is weird as hell to online stalk anyone especially people they claimed to hate or dislike. Now they do the same to me lol
- Bringing up drama with other friends they have. My “best friend” would complain about her other friends and how they wouldn’t cater to her even when they had their own life problems going on. All these friends she complained about have left her or ghosted her.
Now I know why.
eventually she turned onto me, like she did them. texting onslaughts of essay length texts and voicemails attacking me when I stopped blindly agreeing with her and going along with everything she believed or liked.
- Trauma dumping on you and oversharing constantly.
If you feel emotionally drained after any interaction with them, RUN. You are not their therapist.
- Relying on you for money/asking to borrow money.
Now of course, you can be there for someone as a friend but if they have a pattern of asking you for financial favors, make an excuse as to why you can’t give them $$$ then watch them drop their angelic mask.
- They never shut up about men. Yet, you bring up solutions to their problems and point out mens bullsh*t and suddenly, everything goes in one of their ears and out the other.
- They’re jealous. They’re never as happy as you are when you achieve success. They give you back handed compliments, laugh or joke when you are in pain, give you that “predatory stare” when you’re not looking, they start leaving you out of plans when they see you leveling up in beauty, health and being free from LVM.
- They pretend to be there for you during your hard times not because they care, but because they want ammo they can use against you in the future. Never vent to a friend unless you’ve throughly vetted them and can trust them, because if they don’t love you, they will use your trauma as entertainment and to expose your vulnerability to other people.
- They encourage your bad habits. They’ll tell you “keep drinking!” When they know you‘re in a unsafe environment or you can’t handle too much alcohol. They’ll tell you, “keep texting that man!” when it comes a LVM who keeps mistreating you.
- They treat you like a minion. Like their doll that just blindly agrees with them on everything, does everything they say and if you dare speak up for yourself or dare have a differing opinion, you are their enemy. It can be as something small as telling them, “Please don’t talk to me like this.” and if they don’t respect your boundaries but get triggered instead RUN
- If they withdraw affection after you set boundaries, they don’t care for you at all!
So called friends like these will only leave you high and dry and suck the life and soul out of you. I feel so much lighter, healthier and freerer since getting rid of these “friends” my skin has even cleared up and my gastritis is improving.
Like even your body will warn you about unhealthy or predatory people in your life.
if anyone has any other red flags to share, please comment below. Stay safe everyone!
- People that gossip about others too much( because if they can talk baldly about people behind their back easily, they can do the same about you).
- Not respecting your values and the healthy choices you make about your life.
- People who think you own them an explanation when you choose to distance yourself from them. Like if you were friends for years then I can understand but if you weren’t that close at all and now they want you to explain to them why you choose to not talk anymore.
- People who call you rude names like “ you are so crazy” but not in a funny way that makes you laugh more in a way where you feel uncomfortable and insulted. But they will deny it and tell you they’re just joking 🙄
- When they don’t reciprocate or put much effort, specially in the early moments of forming the friendship and then get mad or act confused when you choose to leave.
- Women who have a lot of guy friends ( and don’t try to form good relationships with other woman) or the ones who have quite inappropriate interactions with men who are in relationships already and thinks they are just “friends”.
Two more: 1) If someone mentions that they received a letter from a former friend after the friendship is over. I was friends with a woman and in the course of our friendship she received 3 of these. This woman had huge issues and others were looking for closure/trying to get her to look at herself. 2) Someone who tries to push their hobby onto you. Woman in #1 was really into traveling and long story short tried to bully me into taking a vacation with her. If they push their hobbies onto you it’s probably to split expenses, so you aren’t a friend just a wallet.
Good list ! I've been dealing with jealousy and possessivity this summer and had to distance myself from some of my friends. At the same time, I can witness how I've leveled up and poeple starting to act funny with me. Uhm.
Holy guacamole! You just described a “friend” I am slow-fading down to a T! It’s horrifying reading this entire post and recalling a memory of each instance of her doing something similar to me. At the same time, it’s validating my decision to distance myself from her as she became deeply narcissistic and awful to be around. It took me quite a while to realise how toxic she was because I give female friends more room to improve themselves than I do with male suitors.
When they police your actions. They take notes of whatever you have said/done, then they tell you if you behave differently. That's how they manipulate and control you. I had at least two "friends" like this.
I had a friend who was deeply insecure. I felt bad for her so would do my best to support her and give positive compliments to her to help her feel good about herself. We were friends for 18 years but during that time, she only counts out friendship for 12. During that time she also only had 2 friends (including me). She would try and make friends with other people but found it hard. And she never wanted me to meet them, because she wanted her own friends separate from me (red flag number one i guess?) She would always put me down, make jokes pointing out my flaws and insecurities, and would get upset at me if I would get offended by these comments. I was constantly letting it slide and apologising, as well as apologising for behaviour she deemed as offensive to her (like one time i was surprised she hadn’t heard the song “Africa by Toto”, and that really offended her when I said I was surprised.) The last straw was when she falsely accused me of being angry at her - which she read from my text messages which included emoji’s such as 😂😅 and >< I asked for an apology and told her not to talk to me until she was ready to apologise. After that - i heard from her 2x when she randomly came over to my house to use my printer. She never apologised, and since then Ive never heard anything from her again. 18 years of friendship down the drain (but just 12 for her lol)
Thank you for this list. ❤️I am feeling lucky 🍀 today because my friends - while not perfect (neither am I ha) are loving, kind & supportive. ☺️ I only have three close friends, but at least they are good ones.