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Some men out there are capable of being good fathers; others are just interested in making your life harder and keeping you down for their own benefit. If he wants kids, be careful you're sure of his reasoning before agreeing to conceive with him. If you're a woman who wants kids, you must ensure to have children with the person and at the time most beneficial to YOU.
Manipulative:
- you are automatically tied to anyone you have biological children with and men know this and abuse it
- men can leave once it's too late to end the pregnancy and you'll be an involuntary single mother
- men can become useless or abusive once the child comes along and you'll actually have to kick them out yourself and become a voluntary single mother
- men know single mothers are stigmatized so will behave as badly as they can get away with because the mother won't easily risk social conseqeuences by throwing the father of her children out of the house
- children keep women busy, exhausted, and broke
- men know that simply providing the genetic material for the pregnancy to happen is just the top of his long slide into the easy social credibility of parenthood, while women can never do anything correctly before, during, or after pregnancy and will lose social credibility no matter what they do
- his family, if they are in his life, will be all over your pregnancy and have opinions and proprietary feelings about it and your parenting choices
- he can stigmatize what pregnancy does to your body and shame you for normal biological processes and/or leave you once your body inevitably changes due to having the children he wanted
Lazy/Cheap:
- why does he want to create children to spend time with when there are many other ways to do that other than birthing them and having them in your living space? (ie: playing with younger cousins, volunteering somewhere working with children, hanging out with friends and their children)
- it's easy to want something that risky and labor-intensive when it's not your body and health on the line
- does he have any experience with children or pregnancy? Or plan to learn? Or does he expect all of that to be a "you" thing
- why didn't he adopt? Why is he waiting for someone else to come along so he can be a parent? There are women who are single moms by choice and he is not required to impregnate someone in order to become a father.
- he could also pay a surrogate but chooses not to front his own money nor take on the burden of single parenthood but it's expected you take those risks by getting pregnant and hoping he stays and remains a good father and partner
- perhaps he doesn't care about any child that isn't biologically his or refuses to try to bond with children that aren't his
- wants "his money" to be for "him" and you "pay for the kids" and shames you for "wasting too much money" on things for the kids
Irresponsible/Careless:
- too many children already live in poverty, the foster system, or are homeless to consider making more while many desperately need loving homes
- unless his family personally has wealth, businesses, etc to pass down, you don't need a "legacy". What do you need them to carry on from your life? If it's just your name do us all a favor and please don't.
- the planet is overpopulated and this has already contributed to climate change. More people being born obviously adds to this burden on the environment.
- many areas of the planet are dangerous and have poor human rights protections and having children in any of these places will cause unnecessary suffering especially depending on the baby's gender
- children are expensive if you don't have the resources to raise them and despite having savings if something unexpected happens like them having a disability, accident, or illness it may take more resources than you have just to ensure they survive
- getting a spot in daycare is impossible these days as well as unaffordable, and you'll still have to save for a post secondary education while paying the exorbitant daycare costs
- post secondary education gets more expensive, more competitive, and less advantageous every year. As does the job market. Unless you have family-business related job security your kids will likely struggle in an AI-decimated future job market
Even if a man wants children for the right reasons, not all HVM make a HV dad. Plenty of women and almost all men underestimate the cost, struggles and sacrifices they need to make to have happy and healthy children.
I also find it amusing that a lot of women who have a realistic view about pregnancy/childbirth/childcare opts out of having children altogether. Most of my friends who became mothers thought it'd be all fun and easy.
I'm against surrogacy because it treats human beings and bodies as commodities and service. It also attracts narcissists and self serving "parents" who think they deserve perfect designer children. Both surrogacy and sole male adoption also risks the child being trapped in the "care" of monsters.
You missed one important reason too, that some men want children because they are pedophiles. Especially if they go after single mother's specifically.
To be fair, adoption agencies giving out children to single men is a massive safeguarding violation and any man who hires a surrogate is a red flag in and of itself because doing so displays a dangerous entitlement to woman's bodies and anyone at all who's displayed a capacity to engage in human trafficking (buying a tiny human like they're a commodity) is probably a sociopath. But otherwise I agree with everything here
The world is covered in plastic and animals are going extinct because of us.
Any man who wants "his" bloodline to be continued is either racist or egotistical.
My ex wanted kids because "they would take care of us in old age."
When I realized he was fundamentally selfish and evil and divorced, he didn't beg me to get back, but begged me to have another kid on my way out.
Men hate the planet.
Lots of good points. Whenever a man tells me he’s eager to have kids (or worse, “we’d make cute babies”) I get major ick. Most of the time the men who say this have no idea what child rearing entails, and they end up leaving it all to the woman.
This post reminds me of r/FemaleAntinatalism.
Also, I love the way you formatted this post with bullet points and bold titles. I agree with some of your thoughts, especially the manipulative section.
"why didn't he adopt? Why is he waiting for someone else to come along so he can be a parent? There are women who are single moms by choice and he is not required to impregnate someone in order to become a father."
A man who wants to adopt a child and become a single father on his own would be strange, and my first thoughts go to human trafficking. I hope no adoption places allow this. I've read articles about gay male couples who adopt boys and use them for sex. I don't have the link, but I'm sure you can find stories online about it. Also, many of them don't want to adopt girls.
I'm not sure why you're suggesting a surrogate. Women in third-world countries get exploited with this method of pregnancy. You need to read about it. They get paid pennies, and it's mostly wealthy people who do this. Also, once again, there's been cases where gay couples have used a surrogate and didn't want to pay her because the child was a girl. There's an article about this online as well. I'm starting to see a pattern here. Hm.
I don't want to have kids ever. However, if I wanted kids, I know for a fact that I wouldn't want to adopt any kids. It wouldn't feel like my own child. I would want the child to be a creation of myself and my partner. I think it's selfish to always recommend people adopt if they don't want to, similar to how people don't want women to get abortions. It's our choice, as women.
When women celebrate their pregnancy, subreddits like r/Antinatalism that are full of men and even women will make posts about how they want to kill a woman just for being pregnant. Subreddits like that give people a full pass to be misogynists.
" unless his family personally has wealth, businesses, etc to pass down, you don't need a "legacy". What do you need them to carry on from your life? If it's just your name do us all a favor and please don't. "
Are you suggesting only wealthy people should have kids? I'm not suggesting low-income people should have kids because we all know how that goes, but what makes wealthy people above others to have loads of kids? Some of them just live off their parent's wealth without contributing much to the world.
AI can't replace all jobs. I'm kind of tired of seeing this everywhere. Remodeling, plumbing, HVAC, electrical, etc.—all of these jobs require a person to be onsite. Even the self-checkout at the grocery store can't operate on its own, while I still have to call the cashier to come scan the store code because I didn't place the item in the bagging area correctly.