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Reasons why texting can be low/negative value:
Manipulative:
- creates false intimacy, makes you think he's taking time for you when he isn't
- asking you questions to gain information to then feed back to you to gain your trust
- if he has a written log of everything you've ever said to him it's easy for him to "search" back in those conversation and use those weaknesses against you at his convenience
- if using AI/chatgpt to draft answers he is neither answering as himself nor with his own voice
- By texting he knows you are more likely to interpret what he means in his favor because you like him and you have fewer means to perceive negative context/intentions
- texting makes you think you have their attention when you are likely part of a rotation - mass texts and scheduled mass texts are easy!
- he could literally adopt a persona over text that isn't even him and you'll never know until you meet him. If that first time also happens to be a risky situation for you because you figured "you knew him and could trust him by now" that could quickly become dangerous if he's not who he says he is
- sending you nudes/explicit material when there are no repercussions if you say no
- soliciting nudes and then later using them for revenge porn
- expects you to be constantly available by text and answer messages instantly or message constantly
- double text, spamming, or begging you to respond (the amount of texts or their contents has no connection to their actual feelings for you)
Lazy:
- texting can be done while doing other things so you aren't getting the person's focus just a small portion of their attention
- all kinds of texting templates and AI exist so he doesn't have to even read what you say to draft a response
- talking all night over text does not constitute a date as you didn't physically see them or even hear them at all
- texting is low effort, quick, and free and therefore shouldn't be seen as an exceptional investment of any kind - again mass/scheduled texts are easy
- low effort communication = low effort in bed
Useless for Vetting:
- if they use AI you don't know their natural speech or writing pattern
- if they're texting you won't see their face or hear their voice or laugh
- they can mass copy/paste messages to multiple people so you can't know if they're writing an original message or not
- you can't sense a bad vibe in body language or appearance over text
- someone can disguise bad in person social skills with good writing and you won't know until you meet them
- you can't tell their hygiene or smell
- you're going by his words rather than his actions
By responding:
- you look like you have nothing else going on and are constantly accessible
- you look needy and desperate, like you're afraid of the relationship not happening (scarcity mindset fallacy)
- if you respond to boring or one word messages it demonstrates you're willing to do the emotional labor of carrying the conversation
- you are conditioning yourself to anxiously await their response and get a dopamine hit when you get a reply, reinforcing the cycle of seeking validation from his messages
- you demonstrate that you settle for messaging instead of a date
- you remove any incentive he has to make plans to see you since he gets access to your time and energy via text
- you remove a significant amount of mystery and anticipation from the relationship by giving frequent updates about your routines, comings and goings, etc.
TL;DR: With the invention of AI texting is now useless in terms of telling anything about a person, ergo it's useless except in very basic instances of logistics planning.
Thanks for sharing.
I'm in my late 30s and old school. Texting, for me, is reserved for logistics. This is how I think texting should be used in romantic relationships. When I was in college, my dates/friends and I never texted each other more than once or twice a day. It was perfectly reasonable to wait 2 to 3 days to respond to someone's text. Absolutely no one got offended if the person they texted did not respond within 24 hours.
More young women need to stop texting men as much as they do.
I hate texting so much. I tried OLD for the first time in my life two weeks ago, and all they want to do is to text, all day, every day. I thought at least one of them would ask me out, but no. Just one, but with no follow up. I think it's so true that they mask poor social skills behind texting.
Great post, thank you! As a follow up question for you, how would say that to him? Prefering phone calls over text where, in my case, in the very early days