Please take the time to figure out what your inner 'romantic narrative' is.

Along the same lines as the topic on using crushes to one's advantage of my last repost, here's a pretty good thought-provoking one from user u/sozwrongrobi.

*****Hi ladies!

I was struggling to fall asleep last night for the first time in a while, and I was having one of my days where I'm just especially saddened by male depravity, so decided to resort to my teenage coping mechanism of telling myself a story to fall asleep. When I was younger, I used to spend hours daydreaming about my perfect man, and where and how we'd meet etc, but since the start of my FDS journey, it's near impossible (thank God tbh). Sometimes I still like to do it, as my main hobby is writing, and I find it can inspire stories. But I realised something last night: my own fantasies always involve a 'friends turned to lovers' plot. 

And then it hit me - that's my inner romantic narrative! 

It's the story I tell myself of how love should be. I think lots of us do it (or more so, did it) unknowingly. Do you ever talk to a pickmeisha and she talks about how she loves a 'bad boy' and they complain about X being 'too nice.' (I'm specifically thinking of people on First Dates here.) Or a different type in an off again/on again relationship convinced that they're Ross and Rachel, and therefore meant to be together? It's the same thing, different story.

I did a bit more thinking about it, and it's very obviously from the media I consumed growing up, and in my late teenage years. For example, I used to love Jim and Pam from The Office, or Leslie and Ben from Parks and Recreation (I still do, but we move). It's a standard storyline in comedies and detective shows, it seems. I can also see how someone who loves reality TV could come out with a desire to tame a bad boy, or a conviction that marriage is the most important of life from reading too many classics. We only have to look at the impact the fwb movies had on our 'hook up' culture today to see how deep these story lines affect us. 

I think a lot of us this is common knowledge, and I've read a lot of brilliant discussion on this sub about the impact media has had us in many ways. I never realised how much this inner narrative has affected my life, though. All my relationships sprung out of 'friendships' (as if they were ever friendships), and I have a habit of getting into complicated and questionable friendships with men, where the lines are always blurred. But I've always seemed to be fuckboi-proof, and I can see through love-bombing straight away (if he's too good to be true, I'm gone.) It's always confused me a lot, and now I can see why. 

These narratives we carry are our vulnerability, the entry point for the "right sort" of LVM if we're not careful. However I think this one is as easy to sort out as it is getting rid of a crush. This excellent post is just amazing for those of us still on our level up journey. https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/n3r4fa/how_to_use_crushes_to_our_advantage/

From that, what I suggest with dealing with your inner romantic narrative is this:

1. Identify it, and recognise the patterns in your dating history it may have caused. 

2. Remind yourself that it is a plot device, used to lengthen a series, and keep audiences hooked, whatever it is. Remind yourself that real love is usually so boring to a viewer, or so uncomfortable for a pickmeisha to acknowledge as real love in the face of her reality, that nobody would watch it. 

3. Really try to think about what shows, books and movies your narrative was derived from, and reevaluate their value, and compare them to your reality. For example, Jim and Pam are relatable to so many because their relationship is so flawed and low effort, and doesn't make people uncomfortable to watch. My work place relationships (I was a teenager in a hotel, forgive me!) were so cringe and forced I would rather die than repeat them. 

4. Now that you've realised how little value this brings you, identify what it is exactly that attracts you to it. Is it passion, love, a feeling of achievement, the low amount of effort you'd be required to make to get it, etc, and think about how you can implement it into your life as is. With mine, I can tell that the low effort aspect is a big enticement, as is the recognition of my personality rather than my looks. So, instead of looking for friendship, I should recognise and accept that I'm not the sort of person suited for going on a couple of dates every week, and that I shouldn't give guys drawn to my looks a chance. A woman who is attracted to the bad boy type is probably chasing a feeling of achievement, of getting someone who doesn't want to settle down to settle down, and should maybe look into other ways of feeling more fulfilled. A woman drawn to on/off relationships could inject more excitement in her life through a thrilling hobby...

5. Now throw the whole script away, it's bullshit. You've extracted the little value your narrative had, and now just forget about it. Real love isn't what you see in movies. 

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I hope this helps someone, and if anyone has anything to add, please comment below.*****