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From the experience I’ve had with OLD I wanted to make some assumptions. This is obviously my personal experience and therefore I don’t want anyone to think I am implying my opinion or assuming this is the real truth.
First of all, I know FDS is not against OLD, so anyone is free to do whatever they want. I just want to share my point of view in hopes it might help someone.
I started using OLD for the first time in 2018. Everything was new and I didn’t know how dating worked nor did I knew about FDS principles. I was 25 and VERY naive. That was also the period when I moved abroad. In summary I was brainwashed with thinking that sex on the first or second date was ok and I had no idea what I should expect from a man in terms of behavior. I also had no idea about safety and the risks I was taking.
I met men and let them pick me up and drive me home, I brought them to my home, I went to their homes for second dates, I went to their cars at night in hidden places, anyways, I am glad I am alive but it could’ve been worse. Fortunately nothing serious ever happened, only traumatic experiences in Terms of emotions.
I noticed that those men I met were all a piece of shit and just wanted to use me so I stopped using OLD for 3 years. Then 3 months ago I decided to use Facebook dating again. I knew the shit I was going to put myself in. I felt like self harming, but I wanted to experience again and solidify what I already suspected.
I went out with 3 guys. They were all around my age, tall, graduated and with a head full of hair (bare Minimum). Only one invited me to dinner and the other two were two cheap broke scrotes who took me for an appetizer.
Going back 3 years after my first experiences reinforced so much the humiliation that is going on dates with men you meet on dating apps, mainly because of 2 reasons:
Men On dating apps DO NOT consider women as HUMAN BEINGS. It doesn’t matter who you are/where you come from. This was the impression I had with ALL of them. Why?
The fact that you are on dating apps makes them think you are not good enough, because a decent women would have many men around her and she wouldn’t need apps to meet men (which is not true because it depends on various factors but I am pretty sure they have this in mind).
2. Since you don’t meet them through friends/at work/in any other social context where there’s OTHER people involved in which they would be ashamed/judged if disrespecting you, they don’t really think you are worth their respect.
With this in mind I came to the conclusion:
Men on dating apps dehumanize women.
however, there also something else I have been thinking about: if they respect women less on OLD it means that probably in real life encounters they will respect you more and SEEM like they are HVM. Basically every man I went out who I met through friends/at work/other social contexts treated me CLEARLY different as if I was more of a human than those men from dating apps. The difference is Abysmal. On the other hand, these men could also be in the apps treating women they meet on OLD as less of a human which makes them automatically LV. And my question is: is there a minimal chance of finding a HVM on OLD? Unfortunately I think the chances are way too minimal, therefore analyzing Risk vs benefit using OLD makes it not worth it.
If you want to use OLD, go ahead, but please take into consideration what I concluded here And think about if this is really worth it.
I also would like to hear your opinions.
Online Dating in this decade is such a normalized scam the patriarchy has going. We have phenomenal women actually paying to be on some of these OLD sites, where often a random man can click and know her entire real name and history.
The end result in many cases is tantamount to totally unpaid prostitution. It didn’t use to be this way. The sites today are incentivized not to allow their customers to find legitimate longterm partners. (Source: a woman who has online dated at various times since before 9/11.)
You made some very keen observations. I agree with your risk assessment: OLD is not worth it. Meeting a good man there is as likely as winning the lottery - except this is a lottery where your personal well-being and even your life can be at stake by participating. Predators congregate on OLD, and the app itself is low value in its design. These same men are out in public, and you're right: they may well respect you more if they do not meet you on OLD. You've hit on the crux of the issue, which is depressing as fuck: the problem is that most men hate women, and it's everywhere.
Men who perceive, through their Madonna / Whore complex, that women who are not on OLD are more worthy of good treatment will take longer to show their true colours.
I know this having lived the nightmare of being with a supposed "HVM" who I met IRL, moving in with him and getting engaged. It was only when he felt he had locked me down and I would not leave that he began his abuse. There are plenty of men like this; I don't think we talk about it often enough.
What's the answer? Manage your risk and keep vetting always. And stay far from known places where predators and losers congregate, hence far away from OLD. Why crawl through a pit of snakes when you can avoid it entirely?
I agree. I wasnot successful on OLD because I didn't chase after them. The ones that matched me did not initiate any conversation and those that did message me never asked to meet. It was disappointing for me. And there's just a lot of guys on there that I wouldn't have felt comfortable with. I've deleted those apps and am focusing on myself and my life.
they don't need to be on dating apps to see women as less than human. history shows they have been treating us like garbage since the dawn of time. but i see your point. and i agree when you say it's best if we don't do OLD.
I agree with these observations. I’ve been more active on old over the holiday period and the pickings are extremely slim. Due to my line of work it makes it difficult to meet men organically. I suppose all we can do is vet fiercely and keep our roster open until a man is worthy of a title.