I set this rule for myself. No more drawn out text conversations or using text as a primary mode of communication. It's too fraught on several levels. Texting is inherently low effort. It is the least efficient and effective way to vet a man. It promotes limerence (there is a natural void to fill with fantasy). If a man wants to talk to me he should call me or plan to meet up. Maybe this was in the handbook - I can't recall. I think it's a rule worth keeping for myself.
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Texting has been a godsent for low level scrotey fuckboys who want to juggle multiple women at once. I'd rather keep the heartfelt text messaging between friends and family, and be more business-like with employers and men whom I don't really know that well.
I have a hard rule - texting and phone calls are for logistics only. I hate sinking time into staring at a screen or talking too long on the phone. I prefer meaningful face to face contact and I will never compromise on that. The people who matter to me know this about me, and if anything they appreciate it bc they can be confident that I am present and focused on them when we catch up.
As I have dragged myself back into OLD I have put a time limit on texting. More than 3 days without asking me on a date and it's a cordial "it's been nice but I'm not looking for a pen pal" and delete.
I think you can create reasonable strategies for texting like no to texting as a primary mode of communication, no double texting, don't text everyday or respond too fast, no personal or emotional details over texts.
I think the exact same and support that
I absolutely agree. A false sense of intimacy is so easy to create. I am very attracted to articulate people so it's a obstacle to being able to spot red flags.
Honestly, texting is just giving them an easy access to emotionally manipulate you. I'd much rather be able to observe their body language, in person. I agree it's low effort af, because it hardly takes a second to send a text and God knows how many women are getting the same text, within a timespan of 1 minute.
In the book, Not your Mothers Rules, the authors say to avoid “text fests” she called it. In a way it makes you too available. They say you should only share about yourself on real dates in person. If you make yourself too available, it makes it easy for men that are not serious to waste your time.
I wish I could like this post five times. Feel exactly the same way. It's funny how fast men drop off when you stop giving them the low-effort, easy access when you do most of the work texting them anyway.