For those that like to use social media, I've noticed this bizarre behaviour from exes and ex-friends (before blocking them): when they're active online, maybe actively DMing you too, yet avoid your social media (e.g stories/posts).
My HV friends and my HVM love my stories/posts. They interact, comment and even bring it up in-person ("how was your trip to XYZ? The photos looked great!"). To clarify, I’m not trying to say they HAVE to be on social media (or interact with EVERY post), but it's a standard I've set for those that are clearly very active on it.
Meanwhile, the red flag people (before I blocked and deleted them)... it's like they DELIBERATELY avoid my posts/stories or too selfish to care.
Example 1: My former close friend (of 8 years before blocking her) genuinely believed I had no life outside of her. She was ignorant about my actual (and busy) life and only wanted to know superficial things (my thoughts on the latest Bachelorette episode). She never saw my stories/posts despite being chronically online, used me as her full-time “photographer” for IG and would fuss over her like count. I ended things due to a mountain of other problems, but in hindsight her social media behaviours were the first red flag. She got so angry like "why aren't you more grateful for me being in your life", acting as if she had been a great friend or doing me a favour by giving me endless plans to organise for “us” (her). If she bothered to stay up-to-date about my life she'd see how lousy and low effort she was in comparison, and that I would NOT appreciate the constant planning tasks!
Example 2: My former BEST friend of 10+ years had this selfish FOMO and avoided my posts/stories out of fear of seeing me out with other people, yet again chronically online, posting 24/7, spamming me with tiktoks and pestering me to meet up. I used to think “maybe she's too busy to see my life updates online, that’s ok I’ll update her in person!” but then I noticed the subtle signs that she didn’t even want to hear or celebrate the updates in-person! Eventually, only her life updates mattered and she stopped asking "how are you going?" (instead it became "you free tomorrow? I need to vent").
Example 3: My scrote ex was a diagnosed narcissist so this proves this behaviour is a red flag! This scrote posted endless pics of his abs and I would catch him constantly scrolling through other people's stories, commenting on other girls’ posts yet he never saw or liked mine. We broke up when it became blatantly clear in many other ways that he had a seething resentment/jealousy of me.
Anyway, just thought this might be an interesting observation to share. For anyone that still uses social media, beware of this behaviour!
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EDIT: Just want to clarify that just because I’ve learned how to observe social media red flag behaviours more closely, doesn’t mean i’m craving online likes/attention/validation. The Handbook is filled with red flags to watch out for and I’m showing niche examples. I’m barely online but when I am, I expect loved ones who are watching me to actually CARE.
In my opinion, you're putting too much focus on social media. Likes/comments, etc. are low value and literally don't mean anything. It takes a person 0.001 second to 'like' a post/story - it doesn't mean they actually care about you. Stop being so chronically online like your ex-friend(s) and focus on having internal validation.
The only situation in which someone's commenting/liking would be valid is if you're dealing with a scrote. If your boyfriend doesn't engage with your posts, but 'likes' other women's stories/posts, then we have a problem. But with friends & family? Hopefully they're showing up in your life in other ways than just 'liking' and 'commenting'.
OMG thank you for writing this. I have wondered for some time if I was the only person who noticed or was bothered by stuff like this.
People who actually talk to me, use social media, and care about me do what you said. They often reference what they saw on my profile and ask a followup question or make a smalltalk statement which never comes as a surprise when they frequently drop a reaction or comment on my posts.
The red flags are the people who I always see online who never post, react to, or comment on anything, and then still make a comment to you in person referencing the fact that they're still checking. WHY??? You just admitted to my face that you're a creeper, and if you're only reading my updates for information and never actually want to interact with or be friends with me, just "keep tabs" on me.... you're getting blocked and deleted.
I agree with a lot of the reasons you stated for why this happens. Jealousy, immaturity, selfishness. A lot of people that give me issues in this way seem to behave like they truly believe happiness or anything similar is a zero-sum game where if I have it, they don't, because I took it from them apparently? You'll never fix that borderline delusional entitlement mentality. I used to be jealous of others that had what I didn't but was able to right myself in realizing other people having something didn't inherently stop me from having it or that that them having it didn't mean it was taken from me and I can find my own. In this way it's really hard for me not to see sullen jealous losers as essentially adult sized kindergarteners who are used to a grown-up equivalent taking something from you and giving it to them to "even the score" or similar irrational garbage. That's also why when your life is publicly going well these dipshits hit you up to do a trauma drama dump because they both believe you aren't entitled to what you have and that you need to basically share everything with them until they're satisfied (which conveniently will magically be once they are doing better than you and only then).
It's great though, because in exposing themselves as weak, egotistical, petty gawkers, they've exposed their opinion as useless because they're still filtering their entire worldview through the childish "the world revolves around me" mentality.
One of the quickest ways I ever drop somebody is clocking that their priorities are fucked. Similarly to how all of us here should be blocking and deleting a broke dude with a gambling problem, don't waste your time on a miserable person with a social media problem. It's always a chicken and the egg situation.
They are lurking from burner accounts, usually, so you don't see what they are doing and how much energy they put into stalking you.
Usually though only my closest friends heart my insta stories
I’ve had the opposite problem… people lovebombing me on fb, liking and commenting on every post talking like we are close friends but that is all the friendship is… not irl or beyond my fb wall
I agree with this. Like you said, it’s not a must for them to check our posts but when so called “friends” or loved ones never like posts or say “congratulations”, for example, it shows that they don’t actually care for us.