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Cannot even describe how it feels to be with someone who fits my aesthetic preferences (I don't mean in the incel fantasy "6'4" chad" way, I mean has an intact hairline, actually cute, good body, dresses well, takes great care of himself physically) and who I don't have to jump over mental hurdles to want to engage with sexually. I have classic rape/sexual assault trauma but something also felt genuinely traumatic about spending a decade forcing myself to do things with the fucking dicks of guys I was physically put off by on some level (and then going on Reddit and reading that I was evil because I didn't want to literally drink these guys' fucking semen, which I don't even want to do with my attractive BF and haven't the two years we've been together, with zero complaints from him 😎). The funniest thing was that the meaniest, bitchiest, most sexually entitled guys were also the ugliest! There was no point to giving any of them a chance and if I could go back in time I would just not have engaged with guys I wasn't attracted to, which would have severely limited my prospects and still would have been worth it.
Anyway only being with someone you're attracted to/being celibate >>>>>> doing anything you're grossed out by doing, and I'm still kicking myself for not realizing it sooner... I wish I had started being "unfair" to men earlier. Being in a great relationship with a man has not only deepened my commitment to radical feminism but made me feel the same way about men that misogynistic men do about women, lol. Stay strong if you're in the trenches, because those trenches are fucking deep...
Unfortunately for me, I work in a liquor store.
A young woman came in one day saying she had been asked on a date by a man she wasn’t attracted to but she wasn’t sure if she should give him a chance.
I said, “My vote is ‘no’. Your heart, your mind and your body, especially your vagina, are not charities. Charities get tax write-offs for giving people chances. What are you getting?”
She seemed pretty satisfied with this response so I hope she heeded my unsolicited advice. I used to be one of those “give him a chance” fools and like you said, it’s a waste of time. The sex was awful and painful. I never climaxed.
I’ve been celibate for almost six years now. I don’t expect to ever have sex again in my life, but if I do, it’ll good and damn well be with a man I’m excited to see naked.