Never move in with a boyfriend, and never without legal protection

Learned this lesson the hard way, unfortunately. My boyfriend (at the time) got a new job in a different state, so we both decided to move there together. I didn't want to live where I was anymore, so I wasn't opposed to quitting my job and finding a new one after moving. My boyfriend assured me that he would take care of me while I job-searched. I learned very quickly that he didn't mean it. I settled for a retail job that made me miserable, just to be able to contribute financially. It wasn't good enough for him and he resented me for not making more money. He resented me for complaining about how much I didn't want to work there, but I couldn't find anything better in the area. I was 23 and fresh out of college with little work experience. Less than a year into living together, he started cheating on me and kicked me out. I had nowhere to go, and he knew that.

But, I guess he had some empathy because he did let me stay (not that I wanted to) until I found somewhere to go. I was very lucky that I found an apartment I could afford on my own maybe about a month after the breakup. Living with an ex is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but the alternative for me at the time would be homelessness. Turns out, I wasn't on the lease so I never got my security deposit back either.

Once I adjusted to living on my own and had gained some financial freedom, I found a much better job and am proud of myself for how far I have come. I will never live with a man ever again--not unless we are married and I am certain I will have the resources to be able to move out should things go south.

Yup. In my pickme 20s, I moved in with a boyfriend who kicked me out after one year. He knew I had no place to go, and it was a mad scramble for me to find a new place within two months. I had no protections, legal or otherwise.

And yes, I had paid my share of the rent the entire year.

The whole experience broke my heart. I will also never again live with a man who is not my husband.

I just wish an older, FDS-aligned woman had stepped in during my 20s and slapped some sense into me.

I used to believe that living with a boyfriend without being married was the modern, enlightened thing to do. Then a friend of mine moved her boyfriend into her place. After a year, he broke up with her. Given that the place was hers, he was obviously the one who had to move out but he took his sweet time doing it. Six months after they broke up, he hadn't even started looking for a new place to live.

Whenever she brought it up, he'd say "You promised we'd remain friends. You're not being very friendly right now". (On a side note, this is why I no longer believe in remaining friends with the ex. Men only suggest this because they want to weaponise it in some way).

I suggested to my friend that she start making it more uncomfortable for him to stay. For example, I suggested that she should have most of her meals out and not keep any groceries in the fridge. I also suggested that she turn off the wi-fi when she's not home or when she's not using it. This must have annoyed him because after a few weeks of this he did start looking for a new place to live.

Eventually he did move out but that wasn't the end of it. He kept contacting my friend about things he had "left" behind. Every single week he was contacting her about something. Eventually she said to him, "It's really hard for me to get over you when you're constantly contacting me", to which he responded again "You said we'd remain friends. This isn't very friendly of you, is it?!". I suggested that she gather up everything of his, put it in a box and tell him to collect it that weekend or else it'd go in the trash. I also suggested that she blocked his number after that because after all, he had no reason to contact her after that. She did and thankfully she hasn't heard from him since.

This incident really opened my eyes to how messy it is to break up with someone after you've moved in together. If my friend hadn't moved her boyfriend in, she would never have had to see him after he broke up with her but because they were living together, she had to keep seeing him until he moved out and even after that, he kept coming around to "collect his stuff". I'm now very against the idea of moving in with someone unless at the very least, you're engaged.

Almost just made this mistake. Thank you for reminding me. Love can be blinding, but my eyes are open.

so for someone that doesnt want to get married like me how can i even go about say acquiring a romantic partner? I almost threw up typing that cause in my own real life brain I know even that might not be feasible.

Conversely, I wouldn't marry someone without living with them first. I feel like it's a lot harder to hide stuff when you live together so if I learn my spouse is a serial killer or something, the day we move in together, I don't want to be legally bound to him!

I have some relatives who didn't live together before marriage and I've heard murmurs of "If I knew he was gonna be X or live like Y I never would have married him" and they are MISERABLE. But they're too traditional for divorce (or premarital cohabitation.)

I think a good compromise is once there's a ring on your finger and a wedding venue is booked with a deposit paid (from him, obviously), THEN I would move in with them. It would be a requirement, too, otherwise I would call off the engagement 'cause that makes me think he's trying to hide something and trap me once we've exchanged nuptials, thinking I won't leave.

I have no problem canceling a wedding the day before if I discover something I don't like during our engagement. If he doesn't get a refund, that's not my problem.

I am genuinely curious about this. What about this scenario?

He was in a LTR for 8 years, then his girlfriend breaks up with him because she's sick of his shit and got tired of waiting to get proposed too, 3-4 months later he has a new GF & they date for a year, they also break up and 3 months later, has ANOTHER new girlfriend but this one within the year, they look for a place and move in together. A couple months later, he proposes to her.