Men always know what they’re doing: The fallacy of them “not knowing” + Never ever be ‘too nice’

You know how you randomly have cringe moments pop into your head? I had one last night about the time I was too nice to a guy I had a crush on in university. It’ll always be something that makes me cringe when I think about it.

For my master’s degree, there were a lot of group assessments that I had to undertake. Fortunately, we could pick our group members so I always ended up in a group of guys and girls that I had become friends with. There was a guy in the group that I started to crush on and I found myself doing the one thing many women always do: I was too nice. This showed up when we were brainstorming ideas on how to tackle the various tasks we were given. Most of the time, he had good suggestions but some of the time, his ideas weren’t so good and wouldn’t work. I’ve always been an accommodating person who has always found it hard to put people in their place when they’ve wronged me many times or tell people “no” because I didn’t want to hurt or embarrass then. I wasn’t any different in this case as I was the one mostly saying that his idea was ‘alright’ or ‘not bad’ which I did to spare his feelings. You know what he did one day? After another brainstorming activity where he suggested something that wouldn’t work and I stupidly went along with it, later on, he told me that I was “too nice” and “shouldn’t keep agreeing with his ideas to spare him, which he knew wouldn’t work”. He was very nice in the way he said it but I felt very embarrassed that I allowed my aim to spare his feelings make me too agreeable. I was also embarrassed that he picked up on this and could tell that I didn’t agree with him but didn’t say so.

Just yesterday, I saw a woman (OP) complaining in a Two X Chromosone Reddit thread (by and large, it’s good a subreddit that has FDS-aligned content but you do get some libfem posts on there) that she’s pregnant and went to a concert with her boyfriend. She caught him staring at a woman’s butt which was very prominent, along with the thong she was wearing. The boyfriend turned around to her and asked her why she doesn’t dress like that. The OP said she felt so hurt seeing as she already felt insecure about her changing body that is carrying their second child. She asked why he said this to her and what everyone reading thought his motive was.

I say all this to say: men know what they’re doing. When they insult or embarrass you, try your patience or cross a boundary, they know what they’re doing. It’s not a mistake as so many of us like to think it is so don’t explain it away as him “not knowing” something was rude or inappropriate or him having a “bad childhood” as to why he mistreats you. Enough with the psychoanalysis and excuses we make for them. They don’t excuse behaviour they deem as ‘bad’ from us. They know. They’re not stupid. It is a fallacy to think that men just don’t know what they’re doing is bad or are that they’re unaware of certain things being bad. They know and don’t care. They are always trying to see what they can get away with and they will judge you harshly if you allow them get away with bad behaviour.