Male friends

Male friendship, positive, & fulfillment in the same sentence...

But the real question is, why are you seeking to explore a friendship with this man? What fulfillment do you think he can provide for you? You're already calling it a "problem" so deep down you know what's up.

In my personal experience, every straight male 'friend' I've dealt with eventually got jealous, weird, possessive, perverse, &/or formed a one-sided crush. As soon as I turned them down the friendship stopped existing with them orbiting until I cut them off completely. It's a lesson I was stubborn to learn throughout my early - mid twenties until I finally accepted that men & women simply can't be friends. The only way it works is if HE doesn't find you attractive or is gay (still cautious). Personally, there's just no type of platonic fulfillment any man can give me. I happily receive that from my women friends.

i’m gonna be honest, most men don’t want to be platonic with you like that. they only befriend women they’re attracted to and be on the back burner until they can get in your pants. yeah some men are chill but always be weary 🤷🏾‍♀️

Girl...these are people who think your friendship is a punishment unless they get to have sex with you.

That's why those endless memes about how being friendzoned is the worst pain in the universe never felt right growing up.

Considering men today think you like them because you smiled at them or made eye contact and feel genuinely wronged when they find out you don't.

Your "friends" are probably going to hide their intentions, never really think of you as a friend because they're attracted to you, and most likely misunderstand your intentions because they want something more.

Why befriend a man, when there’s so many women out there?

my only positive male friendship was a gay guy. roommate in college.

I also have never seen a friendship between a straight male/female which was healthy. I don’t believe men and women can be friends. I encourage you to think about why you think you “have to” deal with this as most men who have tried to be friends with me have tried to guilt or coerce me into it. They don’t usually try to make friends with women without an ulterior motive.

This is maybe an unpopular opinion, idk take it with a grain of salt. Male "friends" are a resource. The majority are going to fuckzone you and never offer anything approaching actual friendships, and I say this even though I have kept the same 2 male friends since highschool. They both think one day I'm going to wake up and want to fuck/marry them. I still consider them friends though because of the weird alchemy going on in our neighborhood growing up, we're thoroughly trauma bonded and they would 100% help me bury a body, be my alibi, and hide me from the cops if needed 😂 you just can't give up on that kind of loyalty. You're not going to have the same meaningful kind of relationship with them that you could a female friend, and you'll have to put up with a certain level of them trying to get in your pants, but they'll also go to some extreme lengths if they think they stand a chance at getting with you. Obviously what I have is pretty rare and probably not going to happen for you (no offense), but if you demand excellent treatment and keep your expectations low you could probably get a half decent male "patron."

Honestly would love some insight on this as I've struggled to make male friends that respect my boundaries. Every guy I've been friends with has tried to push boundaries by making sexual innuendos or hinting about having sex etc. When I dont respond positively they lose interest eventually but i usually end up losing the friendship as well. I'm trying to find the right balance

Men, even gay men, have a very hard time being just friends with women. Gay men will have sex with you and/or your man; ask me how I know. Most times, men don’t even talk to women they don’t find somewhat attractive. That said, I’ve always had to have male friends being in the Army and in construction. It’s imperative that I’m able to be just friends with many men, because they’re my coworkers and most of them are married or at least have a girlfriend. I’d just never completely depend upon a male friend. Know that they’re limited in their ability to bond, and they will have sex with you should you get drunk enough or whatever would lower your inhibitions. Also, if he gets into a serious relationship, he’s probably gonna stop being so close with you, and you will feel hurt. But women do this, too, when they get married; they will even cut off their girlfriends. Just be careful and don’t attribute good intentions where they’re aren’t any. A former coworker of mine who’s 25 years older than me called me 3 months after his wife dropped dead and asked me out. I was pretty shocked, because I was only ever interested in being friends with him, and I knew and loved his wife. I was really creeped out by that. She wasn’t even cold in her grave before he’s asking me out. But that’s guys for you.

I actually do have 2 close platonic male friends, but I have no advice as to how to find them because to get them I had to go through dozens of horrible guys. Even those who see you only platonically may see you as a therapist, student, or ego booster.

One of my friends I’ve had since childhood. Both of us have had a crush on each other at some point but not many years now, and now he has a girlfriend who I also get along well with (they’re in a different country from me now so idk her well).

The other I met in college and we bonded over intellectual interests, he actually introduced me to my boyfriend and considers himself my matchmaker/love guru. He’s not interested in me because he’s a very spiritual and religious dude who believes he’s destined to marry the woman he’s seen in his dreams most of his life

I also have a group of guy friends I don’t consider close but who I’m friendly with, and we became friends after their friend became obsessed with me and they created a task force to get him away from me. Thanks guys ✌️ (they eventually cut him off as well)

I really lucked out with these friends. My advice is to not treat them the same as your female friends. Males will see kindness as flirting. So many times I’ve been 100% platonic and they think I’m giving them invitations, even when they know I’m dating someone else. Never touch or speak to them in ways that could be misinterpreted. Don’t talk about sex with them, or even past relationships (I think current ones are fine because you can position yourself as the matchmaker). Also, vet them just as closely as a date!!! Don’t be afraid to drop them at any time, even if it makes things awkward in a friend group or something