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One thing that makes relationships not last between men and women is being incompatible. This shows up in men and women having differing views, boundaries and mindsets.
For a man to be on the same page as you, you must be compatible and most importantly, he must have a personal conviction about things that align with yours. What this means is that he must find certain things important to him, as an individual. His values, beliefs, morals and mindset must be determined by him, he must take them seriously and they must show in the way he carries himself and lives his life. He must have a mind of his own and not be swayed by his guy friends or by what a woman says is important to her.
Here's an example: You're a devout Christian and the guy you're dating is on and off with his commitment to his faith. Instantly, you and him are incompatible because your faith matters to you while his doesn't. You go to church regularly, pray regularly and follow the principles of Christianity in the best way you can while the guy you're dating hasn't been to church in the last 5 years and is also not quite sure if he still believes in God. In this scenario, for the man to be a possible candidate for you, he would need to have his own personal relationship with God that he takes seriously. He would need to have been a follower of the faith well before he met you. Trying to make him go to church so that you can "become compatible" will not work as it would lead to him either outrightly declining on going or going to impress you, which would lead to him resenting you later when he's tired of pretending.
Example 2: If you get married, you want the man to be the sole or primary financial provider but the guy you're dating thinks that it's unfair for all the work to be on him, believing that you should split things 50/50. Badgering him into seeing things your way will not work because he doesn't want to be the sole or primary financial provider. What would put a woman and man on the same page in this scenario would be for the man to already have had the view that a man is to provide for his family, long before meeting and dating the woman.
A man who has the same views as you would've had them well before he met you because they are views that he personally respects, holds deeply and lives by. Trying to make a man see things the way you do won't work. Trying to make a man value things you value won't work. Men that don't see things the same way as you are not right for you.
I fully agree. However, the only man I've ever heard to ally with women and against male violence, is Lundy Bancroft. Literally. Whenever I speak up about any sex-based issues, I immediately get told that I'm making shit up and exaggerating, and then when I present the stats and data, I'm just told that I hate men and that I'm just using the data to demonize all men 🙄 I deeply care about protecting women and girls, and I've yet to meet a male who gets it and responds without denial and defensiveness.
Disclaimer, lots of guys will profess values and lifestyles in the first couple weeks even throughout 6 months but not actually follow through on that. My ex claimed to be a pro-choice libertarian. But I saw that he was getting Fox News notifications on his ipad, he lied and said it was pre-installed, because he knew I was not a big fan of Fox News because their voters AKA viewers are the same people contributing to abortion bans. Here I was thinking he was this great guy but in reality he was a total f****** scrote, he wiped it tear from my eye when I told him I never wanted to go through an abortion despite legally supporting it. But then he refused to wear a condom. Guys will literally tell you that they are so values driven, so honest, a faithful guy who really cares. But you have to watch what they physically do with their actions, their patterns, and your gut feeling.
Such an important post - I've seen relationships where the woman takes on the work of "making" the man compatible and it's always waaaaay more work than its worth. Find a guy who is on your level, whether that be spiritually, financially, emotionally, etc because men resent women who remind them of their (I would argue inherent) inferiority, and if you make a "project" of him trying to get him to level up or be compatible to you, he absolutely will NOT appreciate you for it. He will not see it as an act of generosity, which is how woman view men who try to help them - he'll see it as an admission on your part that he's not a big boy who can help himself.
Period! Your values and actual lifestyle have to align.