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I have noticed that I feel attractive when I am on my own or in the company of friends or my daughter. But when I was in the presence of my ex boyfriend I felt weirdly unattractive/ uncomfortable in my own skin. He never did anything to give me that feeling. He told me often how attractive I was, but being somewhere with him I felt uncomfortable.
Is that normal? Have you noticed anything similar when in the company of different boyfriends or dates?
This is such a great point! In so many of my relationships, the man has started off treating me like I was so attractive, and then once he thought he had me he’d start acting like I was ugly or an embarrassment. Lately I’ve been enjoying all of the attention I’ve been getting from strangers and I wonder- why would I give that up to feel like an ugly slave in a relationship? Don’t get me wrong- I’m a hopeless romantic. I would love to be loved properly. But it’s going to take some real convincing for me to give dating another shot.
I think this relates to a man (usually intentionally) making you feel less than.
I have never dated a man who has called me unattractive, but in my pickme teens and 20s, I dated men who made me feel inadequate through subtle negs that I didn’t recognize as negs at the time.
Maybe the discomfort you felt around your ex-boyfriend was the effect of the sneaky negs.
Men will literally not compliment you at times and withhold compliments particularly when they don’t want to gas you up too much. They like withholding compliments because they think it makes them stand out apart from other men. Not only that, when men literally have nothing valuable to give to you, they would intentionally withhold compliments so that it becomes something of value that you crave and yearn for. It’s always insecure men pulling up stuff like this.
I would not necessarily consider this negging but, like assuming that not acknowledging that you are pretty and make heads turn would make you question your self worth because they assume that pretty women are so used to compliments.
I dated a man for months; he just took me out on nice dates. He never called me pretty or beautiful. He once called me "cute." Maybe said an outfit that hid my figure looked "nice." That's it. It still messes with my mind because I wonder if he ever was attracted to me. But if he wasn't, why would he take me out all those times? Men are not confidence boosters generally...
They're negging.
my body feels like "damn I better not end up pregnant with this idiot" or "tonight I will be gobbling birth control like tic tacs"