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I know that a few ladies haven't liked it when I post videos from Dr. Delony's channel but I'm posting this video because I wanted to showcase just how bizarre and dangerous abusive men can be.
This guy, James, calls in to discuss how he abused his wife and how he wants her back. He claims that certain things going wrong in his life caused him to abuse her. He mentioned being around childhood triggers, his business failing and his wife not picking up quickly from a walk he was on as reasons why he abused her. Yup, you read that right. Imagine those asinine reasons being why a person feels it's alright to abuse another human being?!
What I love about Dr. Delony is that he holds callers accountable and doesn't beat around the bush. He calls scrotes out on their BS and sets them straight and you can tell that many of them are shocked because they haven't had that happen to them, especially from another man.
Here's the video so you can see what I'm talking about:
Another great thing is that a lot of comments were of people condemning this guy and advising his ex-wife to run faaaaaar away:
Also, it's a reminder that no woman should return to an abusive man. Abusive men are insane and will never change!
This is a great example of how a perpetrator can frame his “recovery” as an abuser and paint himself as the victim. Yes, it’s powerful to take ownership of poor choices and to demonstrate what he’s actively doing to address his shittiness. However, notice how little victim empathy he actually demonstrates! He is so deeply entitled to her, he fails to acknowledge or even identify the trauma he created for her. How terrified she must have been, how much he traumatised her. True empathy is wanting peace for her and seeking to understand how horrified she was, without reinserting himself into her life. True empathy is knowing that HIS presence will likely trigger trauma responses from her, so he leaves her be forever. Also notice how little bits of the truth just slip out and how much he minimises his problem behaviour and abusiveness. We learn he was unemployed, a drug addict and a violent partner. Wow, what a guy. I can guarantee he is minimising his violence as well. Perpetrators always do this, they try to refocus the narrative on their own personal traumas. I’ve never heard of this YouTube guy but I really like his approach. He could see straight through the typical abuser rhetoric. I could see how much he was restraining himself whilst holding the abuser accountable. I loved how he called out the abuser’s shitty friends too! I LOVE men calling out shitty men. Great video.
There's a support group I used to go to at my church. Everybody would rave about this one guy who supposedly had such a powerful testimony, because he was once a member of a biker gang and murdered people (but he's now reformed!) People would get so mad when I said I have no intention of hearing it. Ffs. I have zero respect for a man who killed people, and I don't want to hear his story of why his "childhood trauma" made him do that.
It was really difficult to listen to the caller describe the monstrosities he committed against his ex wife. As @creamtart mentioned, he doesn't demonstrate any empathy for her but rather for himself. "Muh childhood triggers." 🙄 Also, marijuana doesn't cause people to become violent wtf. Abusers LOVE to blame their behaviors on substances. Hats off to the therapists who work with abusers. That has to be one of the most challenging demographics to try to reform because the entitlement runs so fucking deep. I love the host's approach though. He speaks directly and honestly in a way that will make it through to the abuser and he doesn't bullshit around. We need more men like him!