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I so appreciated the "life with a LVM man" post, and I want to address the birthday issue specifically.
I've known far too many men (how odd that it is always a man) who say, "I don't care about birthdays" or "I don't celebrate my birthday, it's no big deal to me" or "I cared about my birthday when I was a kid, but not now that I'm grown." That last one is especially telling because, while they're trying to spin it as a sign of maturity, I put it through my brain's translator and the readout said, "The last time I cared about birthdays was when someone else made a huge freaking deal out of it, treated me to an entire day of fun, and we had cake and ice cream and balloons and a party. Now that I'm an adult, I finally realize that SOMEONE ELSE actually had to put all that effort into my special day, and I'm damned if I'M going to go to that kind of trouble for anyone."
Actually, hearing that old "I don't care about birthdays" is an orange flag for me because it's like he's setting you up to have low expectations. HE supposedly doesn't care about them (but obviously he'd be tickled if someone gave him a swell present or took him out to dinner or to a B&B), so YOU'VE been warned that you shouldn't care about them either because you're doomed to disappointment. It's one of the rare times a scrote actually gives a specific warning!
In my experience, guys who say this are bargaining you down. This is a tactic to activate your cool girl mode to reply "me neither!" and make you feel bad for expecting anything
My response to this would be, "Wow, that is so unfortunate! I love birthdays--any reason to celebrate, really. I can't imagine not celebrating my own life" with the old one eyebrow raised, up-and-down quizzical look. Shame them for trying this cheapskate scrote trick on you; they deserve it.
I got this from a family member. Male. How infuriating. And it is exactly how you described it.. To the T. Low value men and effort....🤡 They do not care about anyone but themselves... What they receive they know they cannot offer because they don't have the guts to man up. They really have never cared about someone before like they care about themselves. It's so pathetic. They have never done anything for someone but they always got it done for themselves with someone else's energy. When you hear this, mark my words. Stay away. They do not care about you. All they care about is getting their needs and desires met, they suck dry all those around themselves and then discard them if they date to raise the subject of reciprocity. Also, I would mention men who say this as well: "I don't care much about the holidays (Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, Independence/ National day etc). It is because: *someone* else put the effort into his special day and because he's in search of a mommy mcbangmaid, he is not the type that would move a finger for someone else.. The same type of guy that would be unable to bring you a glass of water when you're on your hospital bed. The type of man who will break up with you if you have cancer. The type of man who will cheat when you are pregnant. He needs to meet his "needs" somehow, he didn't care how but if you don't do it for him, he's intrepid and will find a way.
Yeaaa every guy that said this turned out to be low effort af and fucking killjoys. I care about birthdays and holidays and want to be with someone that feels the same
I don't care about dogs. Does it mean I am not saying hi to your dog whenever I meet them? NO! If your dog is important to you, I will pet them. If bdays are important to me, you should take them serious. it is ONCE A YEAR! you can handle it
A HVM needs to care about YOU, your feelings, wants, desires and preferences. If they don't align perfectly with his own, that's OK, but he should care about what YOU want. He should want to make you happy and prioritise your happiness.
It's OK for a man to say "I don't care much for celebrating my own birthday, how about you?" and if you respond with "I want fairy lights and cake and a week of celebrating ME" he should want to make that happen for you. 😉
I can’t say I agree with this either. I turned 40 this last year. My partner knew it was a big deal for me. He let me celebrate for a week. We had a weekend in Breckenridge full of skiing and lounging in a hot tub. Dinner at a great restaurant a couple nights in a row. And he topped it off by renting an entire winery and organized everything-from the catering to the DJ. When he turned 40, I asked him what he wanted to do. His answer: “the same thing I’d do any other day”. And he refused to let me buy him any presents. I did get him a cake-more so for our kids then him. Some people genuinely could care less for their birthday.
Just because they don't care about theirs doesn't mean they don't have to care about yours. If he doesn't like HIS birthday, fine. But if he uses his dislike of his OWN birthday to invalidate your desire to be celebrated on YOURS? That's a fat red flag.
I’ve given up caring for my birthday because no one prioritised me. I still want someone to make my 30th great. Got over 2 years to make more friends!
My ex said "I don't remember birthdays" when I was with him. He sure as fuck remembers his fiance's birthday.
So, when I was growing up, and even well into my early adult years, my parents poo-pooed Mother’s Day and Fathers Day.
so now, decades later, I do not acknowledge these days. It would also be my strategy with a man who doesn’t care about birthdays.
However, I like to be happy on birthdays, so a man who doesn’t care to pamper me on mine, won’t suit.
Can’t say I agree with this.
I‘m definitely the person who doesn’t care about their birthday but I always give thoughtful gifts to my friends and family for their birthdays, I just don’t care for my own.