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It is like in the movies and dramas and books;
You imagine that if a man chooses you, and you get married and have kids and all that -- finally you will be happy.
All these misery and lonely days and that persistent feeling of being "unwanted" will finally leave you.
I am sorry to tell you this;
It won't.
Because the hollow void inside of you will still be there -- you may forget about it for a while when you are busy cruising the honeymoon stage of your life;
But once the excitement of new relationship is gone and you are taken back to the reality of life?
The hollowness is still dare.
Because you don't really like your[SELF]. You maybe even hate your[SELF].
So you are relying on external party, you are relying on him to make you feel better.
I've lost count how many conventionally unattractive women who, through aggressively chasing the man, doing extreme fawning and become his mommy-bangmaid-personal slave-doormat pickme wife, and aggressively mate-guard him against any and every women;
Endures a frightening amount of stress every single day -- and they get worse as the year pass. They become the kind of toxic old women that you really don't want to be around.
And they become the kind of old women that hate the sight of every women even slightly younger than them.
They become the kind of old women that fawn and grovel at the foot of every men they come across, and turned a blind eye to anything bad these men do. Yes, they become the kind that blames the female victim for "asking for it".
And oh do they hate younger and prettier women for merely existing. And become the object of lust for these deprived men.
So, am I saying you are this kind of woman?
No, but you are damn well already on that train.
The core issue here is not about what your face looks like;
But ask yourself, really asks yourself --
Why are you so desperate for that man -- and to have family and kids, in this day and age?
You know already what it looks like, being in a relationship, being married, having kids, having a family.
80% of it is endless WORK.
Yeah, sure, it'd be nice to have someone to talk to after a hard day at work -- if you chose well and end up with a great guy.
Are you though? Carefully vetting and selecting and observing the guy, measuring how capable and reliable he is, how trustworthy he is to be your partner hopefully until the end of your life?
NO.
You are busy wallowing in misery and bullying your[SELF] for the face you are born with, beating your inner worth over and over until it is all black and blue from abuse.
And you FORGOT TO OBSERVE the large portion of men and SEE how UNWORTHY they are.
OBSERVE -- and you will realize how damn lucky you are not to be involved with sh*tty men and suffering their sh*tty abuse.
Can you not try to live in SPITE once in a while?
So what if you are unattractive?
So what if no men wants you?
So what if you are alone?
Who TF do these people think they are, treating you like sh*t just because you are born with that face?
Why TF are you letting these people treat you like you are worthless -- who are they? What right do they have to treat you like that??
WHO GAVE THEM THE RIGHT???
They can go f**k themselves to hell and back is what.
YOU should be your NUMBER ONE defender of your[SELF] against those trash.
If they think they can freely walk all over you and treat you like sh*t and put that "unwanted by men" label above your head -- and somehow make it a valid "excuse" to abuse you?
Make them taste their own consequences dammit.
Stop fawning and letting these worthless trash abuse you.
At least have the pride to NOT let other people treat you like you are worthless. Because you are NOT.
Get busy.
Sit with your[SELF].
Treat your wounds.
Tell your[SELF] how hard you have worked, how hard you have endured the struggles, how resilient you have been.
Give your[SELF] the love, the praise, the attention, and the validation no one else can give you.
Make your[SELF] realize how worthy, how important your existence it, how you are bigger that who you thought you are.
You are SOMETHING. And I am not saying that just for the effect, sis -- YOU ARE SOMETHING. But the catch is you have to find what it is yourself.
We won't live forever on this earth. So get busy.
You are NOT born to feel worthless, to be treated like sh*t by men, to feel miserable and hateful and sad every single minute of your life. You are NOT.
So STOP belittling yourself. It is so damn FRUSTRATING to watch women with terrifying potentials keep saying they are worthless -- because some shitty, underdeveloped, mentally stunted men said so.
Stop this bullsh*t already, dammit.
Stay safe, Stay Woman.
This post is amazing. It should be stickied.
Women who are (understandably, society and men fucking suck) insecure need to first work on themselves, because that insecurity follows you no matter what. It doesn't matter if you somehow marry the perfect man either, because it'll eat away at you and your relationship.
That's why I'm so thankful I found FDS, because it helped re-frame everything society has hammered into women about dating and even our own lives. When I was younger I had relatives telling me I was "running out of time" to find a man, and I used to wonder, well, why would he stay with me when I'm ""old"" or ugly then? And if he does stay, I guess I just have to put up with him ogling younger prettier women like every other old creep? I put up with losers, porn addicts, guys that didn't even believe in marriage, pining after guys that left me over having sexual boundaries... all because I was insecure and needed that male validation. My own accomplishments meant nothing compared to some random guy wanting me. I would literally just make OLD profiles to remind myself I was desirable.
I look back at my younger self with a lot of pity.
The younger women that find FDS are so lucky because they can read things like this and learn from them. Undoing the societal pressures and living their own full lives without NEEDING men, and if they do find one, they have the tools to be able to scrutinize whether or not he actually adds to their lives or not. And if they never find one, they have the confidence and support group of HV women to stand on their own. 💖
I grew up in the 70s and 80s and knew nothing about nutrition. Didn’t know I was a natural gainer. Didn’t know I had an invisible orthopedic handicap til my 20s and a bad accident/fall. Ended up over 400 lbs, type 2 diabetic at age 35. I fought my whole life with looks. I knew I was whip smart and had a good personality. But looks? I knew I was average. I’m not ugly; people smile at me all the time. I’m regularly approached for directions. Little kids talk to me; bigger kids in school called me “mom” loads of times. But internally, things were a battleground. These days as most of you know I’m 54. I’m in better shape now than I was in college. I’ve lost 160 lbs and until my rib and knee acted up on the Camino (a temporary blip) I was going great guns in getting fit but I’ll get back to it. All this to say it took decades for me to stop hating my body. In my late 30s, early 40s I made a truce because I was tired of fighting. I vowed to like my body because it is the only one I have. Over time I’ve learned to love it, feed it way better, move it more and learn what it can and can’t do. I for one don’t feel anger or resentment at the young. They are beautiful and usually fit and strong. Good for them. I am, too, just in a different way. I don’t need to change how I look; the world needs to change how it sees. Yes, I’d like lifelong, monogamous, devoted companionship but it is never worth settling. I’ve been loved well and truly by late second husband Jack. I’m convinced men generally don’t want older women because we know their tricks and they know we don’t put up with any shit whatsoever. Die mad.
THANK YOU!!!!