How to Spot a Dangerous Man - The Mentally Ill Man [Part 5/10]

Previous Post: The Man with the Hidden Life

This chapter is prefaced with the following disclaimer:

“Labeling men who are mentally ill as ‘dangerous’ presents some sociopolitical difficulties. No one wants to be pigeonholed as an undesirable dating choice based on something they cannot help, like a diagnosis of some kind of mental illness. So let me say up front that this is not a judgment of people who are mentally ill. I treat mentally ill people. Many go on to lead honest, nonviolent lives—lives that would seem to disqualify them from being called ‘dangerous.’ At the same time, the reason why the mentally ill man has earned a chapter in this book is because patients who are diagnosed with some of the conditions described here have a tendency toward dangerousness when they are not under the regular care of a psychiatrist, therapist, or community case manager, and/or when they fail to follow their medication regime.”

The mentally ill man

❋ may be on any kind of psychiatric medication

❋ has been hospitalized for emotional problems or life-threatening behavior

❋ is currently being treated for a psychiatric disorder

❋ has undergone unsuccessful counseling as an adult

❋ was taken to counseling as a child, but results were unsuccessful

❋ currently is or in the past was under the supervision of a case manager with community mental-health services

❋ currently is or in the past was on probation or parole

❋ is on disability for a mental condition

❋ always brings the conversation around to himself

❋ engages in black-and-white thinking

❋ is inflexible and has difficulty being spontaneous

❋ believes or acts as though rules are for everyone except him

❋ thinks he is special and unique and wants to be treated as such

❋ participates in daredevil behaviors

❋ has been diagnosed with any of the following:

- Bipolar disorder (previously called manic-depression)

- Posttraumatic stress disorder or any other anxiety disorder

- Conduct disorder (as a child)

- Antisocial personality disorder

- Narcissistic personality disorder

- Borderline personality disorder

- Dependent personality disorder

- Avoidant personality disorder

- Paranoid personality disorder

- Obsessive-compulsive disorder

- Schizophrenia or any other delusional disorder

- Chemical abuse or dependence

- Major depression

The “Your Defense Strategy” section states that “Dangerous men who are mentally ill present a good argument for why you need to heed your internal sensors as soon as you get a message that anything is “off.” They prove why we have to both trust and respond to gut instincts that tell us something is wrong, even if we can’t say exactly what it is.” This section also recommends that you “keep that information in the forefront of your awareness so you can watch for any symptoms in him,” along with honing your awareness by learning more about psychology to know what to look for, and specifically communicating with other women to aim for a more grounded, realistic perspective instead of ignoring the possible sources of harm.