How to Spot a Dangerous Man – The Emotionally Unavailable Man [Part 3/10]

Previous Post: The Parental Seeker

The emotionally unavailable man

❋ has interests, hobbies, sports, work, educational goals, friends, or some combination of these that always comes ahead of the relationship and your needs

❋ is preoccupied with his career to the extent that long-term dating, engagement, or marriage is never considered an option

❋ is preoccupied with himself and his own activities and issues to the exclusion of being truly interested in you, your life, your needs, or your interests

❋ is still married, engaged, dating, or involved with someone else

❋ isn’t “quite broken up yet” but is “unhappy” in the relationship

❋ needs someone who “understands” him

❋ implies immediate connection with you as someone who “understands” him the way “she doesn’t”

❋ doesn’t take time between the ending of one relationship and the beginning of the next

❋ does not seem to be fazed by the ending of a relationship

❋ promises to end his relationship with someone else, but “reasons” keep coming up as to why he can’t

❋ has a history of affairs or indiscretions

❋ may have a history of mental illness or a pathological diagnosis

❋ may be an addict

The “Your Defense Strategy” section of this chapter states, in regards to men who cheat specifically, “Men who are unfaithful with you will be unfaithful to you. His issue is not that he is with the wrong woman; it’s that he has the wrong character.” Additionally, sticking to your own integrity is another point mentioned in this part, described specifically as “Make a commitment simply to not date men who are married, engaged, seriously dating other women, or not totally out of a relationship. For that matter, show integrity to yourself and your own emotional health by making a commitment not to date men who are too absorbed in other goals to have a true interest in a serious relationship.”