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Years ago I was asked out by the GM of our HOA- and as a single mom working 3 jobs (at the time) this seemed like one heck of a proposal. Rich, powerful, nice, and… shlubby. Dude was chunky and in need of a haircut, not to mention a complete wardrobe overhaul. Back in the day this would have been my cup of tea. Even when I was a little girl I dreamed of having a “nice guy” (read: below average in looks) who would worship the ground I walked on. Think Jessica Rabbit with Eddy Valiant- surely he would know how lucky he was if he landed a girl like that? Only they never do.
One of the most eye-opening revelations of FDS is, and I paraphrase completely because I’m too lazy to look it up:
“Dating men who are less attractive than you will not make them love you more. Men are constantly in a “grass is greener” mode. When they are able to secure a date with a woman out of their league, they don’t stop there, thinking “Wow! How lucky I am!” Instead, they think, “Oh! I can get a girl this hot. I’ll bet I can get one even hotter!”
Anyway, I didn’t bite. And for freaking years he’d send his flying monkeys to try to talk me into just one date with him. He’s rich! He’s powerful! He’s kind! And he likes YOU! YOU are the lucky winner!!!
But I believe in love. Yes, I still do. I may be one of the few FDSers who still comes here for dating strategy. I believe good men are rare, but I believe they exist. And I even believe I can find a good one who I am attracted to.
So I held out.
And lo and behold:
Scandal!
Suddenly Facebook has been flooded with gossip regarding the wrongdoings, mischief and flat-out criminal activity of this “nice guy”. It appears he misappropriated millions of dollars in HOA money and is the target of an investigation and audit. He is being referred to as “The GM from hell”.
Queens, can I tell you how happy I am to not have my name and reputation attached to this man?
So to any of you who are here for dating strategy:
Know your standards, hold on to them, and most importantly:
Hold out for them.
It’s true, I’ve dated beneath me in the past, and the men aren’t grateful. They see you as a trophy and use you as such to gain favour with others.
It’s attractive men or nothing for me from now on.
Spoiler: They can't.
I took a chance on an insecure guy once and he abused the hell out of me before ghosting me for other women - none of which worked out and one of whom abused the hell out of him.
A decade later, he's still single (not by choice).
Men don't appreciate women who take a chance on them. If anything, they look down on you for it. Nobody hates men more than they themselves do, and they'll punish you for thinking they're worth anything.
Contrary to the dream that he will adore and worship you, thinking himself lucky - he knows that he is lucky, and so these men who are substantially below you in looks (and shape) will neg you to put your confidence down and keep you.
I'm not saying all of them will do this, but I'm saying that's been my experience and many others.
I look at it this way:
Most men are scrotes, regardless of how handsome or ugly they are (and regardless of how rich or poor they are).
So why go for an ugly man when you can have a handsome man? Why go for a poor man when you can have a rich man? All types of men will take up your time and energy, no matter what. So pick the best on all fronts.