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If you want to know if a man is truly high value and provides for you from a place of sincerity, look at what he invests in for you.
If he’s only investing in your nails, your hair, your luxury bags, he’s mainly looking out for his own benefit. After all, he benefits from you looking like a 10 on his arm in public. Yes, men do reap social rewards from a woman’s presence.
If he also invests in your education, your certifications or your hobbies for example then he’s looking out for what benefits you solely. Key word here is solely. He’s showing that he’s a true provider by not just helping you level up your looks but also your personal growth.
Get your assets and your $$$!
Preach 🙌. Always check the intentions behind his actions. He is LV if he pays for fancy dinners simply because he’s lonely and wants company. He is LV if he gifts you makeup, clothes, or a gym membership because he wants you to look a certain way and use you as a trophy. He is LV if he encourages you to socialize simply so he can interact with more women or for eye-candy. I’ve heard true stories of this happening and it disgusts me.
I also argued with someone on this forum who was endorsing a sugar baby lifestyle and to essentially WASTE your precious time dating old, wealthy, LV scrotes (which she tagged as “maximizing female benefit”). So thank you for posting this reminder. As you said, it is not actually YOUR benefit, it’s HIS.
This also seems relevant here, and is something I heard my boyfriend tell a mutual female friend:
A weak and dishonorable man will try to use his finances to buy you; a strong and sincere man will leverage them to honor you. Make sure you're paying attention and can tell the difference.
Ie- are the ways he uses his money things that control you, box you in, and make you dependent on him, or are they things that help you be independent and achieve your full potential.
Because a man who knows he has to buy you wants you dependent because he knows he has nothing to offer you but money. A man who knows he has other things to offer, like good character, wants you to choose him for those things. By helping you be more individually secure and more independent, over time you have less and less reason to choose him for his money. The easier it is for you to walk away, the more sure you both can be that it's not about the money.
My abusive ex did not just invest in things that benefitted him, in fact, it was very tailored to my interests (many of which he didn't share). But he used that as another way of controlling me and to have plausible deniability when he did emotionally abuse me (”but I've been such a good boyfriend to you all this time!”). I feel this M.O. is more common among the smart and wealthy LVM. The “what” is rarely important, it's the “how”. Does he keep score? Does he brag to others about what he bought you? Does he sometimes overwhelm you with his generosity in a way that makes you feel guilty?
Hmmm, I have heard of a man who helped for his wife's education just so that he could plot his early retirement and "stay at home dad life" so that she can earn more than him and he doesn't have to work.
Meanwhile, they were both working, and he was not contributing to any chores or barely taking care of the baby.
If it were me I would love for my (future) man to invest in my hobbies above all because that is that little extra thing that helps me have a fulfilling life,that extra thing that I can't gift myself when I my finances don't allow me to, such as travelling and paying for sports/arts clubs etc. As for my education, my parents help me.
I agree with the points you've made.
When and how do you think you should bring these things up? How do you express, in the early stages of dating, that you would like a man to contribute financially to your education and certifications?