.png)
Unless you live somewhere like NYC where it is literally not worth it for most people to have a car due to the time it takes to drive around versus simply taking the subway, my advice is to not even date a man without a car. Even though I am originally from another big city area, Toronto which has great public transport, and it's is not uncommon to not own/have the need for a car, especially if you live in the downtown area; I personally wouldn't date a man without a car.
However even if you would be okay if he didn't, my advice is DO NOT travel to or from dates with a man unless you are already in a commited relationship.
I’m pretty sure this may be in the handbook, but I haven’t sent it discusssed recently so I thought I would drop a quick reminder.
Why?
We are all familiar with “marathon dates”, which is when a man takes you to multiple locations in one day/night. We all know this is bad because it builds a false sense of familiarity or intimacy.
IF you do happen to head to another place after (a bar after seeing a concert etc.), unless it’s a super short and easily walkable he should be paying for an Uber.
It’s one thing if you’re already in a relationship, going places together often and therefore getting Ubers all the time simply isn’t practical. But otherwise, when you are leaving and choose to take public transport home, do not ride with him even if you're heading in the same direction. And especially do not meet up and travel to the place with him.
This is primarily for safety reasons (particularily when leaving), he should preferably not know which area you live near, however it is also to give yourself time to reflect on the date, and not grant him any more access to your time than necessary.
I saw two people on the streetcar the other day who I could tell were still in the very early "talking" stages. I could tell due to the type conversation they were having, and how they were also sitting across from each other (despite lots of avaliable seats), which a couple would likely not be sitting this way (as opposed to right beside eachother).
They clearly did not know each other and they basically were chit chatting as if they were on a date but were perhaps heading back from somewhere.
The type of things I heard were- “what’s your sisters name again?", or
"What’s your fave place you’ve travelled?", shit like that. Stuff like that which people in a close relationship would and should know
Also- whose shocked that the girl was dressed super cute and the scrote smelled like shit, had greasy ass hair, and had on saggy pants, and a wife beater?
Not me....
Similarly to “marathon” dates this may lead to a false sense of intimacy and even worse so because at least if you go to multiple locations in one day- there is always the chance that you can see if he at least pays for everything etc.
On the transit, you would be tapping your own pass.
Additionally, this time period after a date is when you should be reflecting on what went down. It’s very easy to get caught up and forget little things that you otherwise would have taken notice of otherwise such as, did he pour your water glass first (or at all) before filling his own?
If it’s someone who also heading in your direction and perhaps even knows your area/address already and is heading that way too that direction too, then he may as well be paying for Uber home. If he’s not? Why not?
If he doesn't know yet and asks what direction you’re going in/leaving towards- ask HIM first and if it’s the same, just give the opposite route and let/make him leave first.
If he later finds out you were lying or whatever, a HVM would understand exactly why (as this is for safety too).
If he also happens to offer to “wait for the bus/streetcar/train/subway” with you, just decline. Say you have to make a call asap and let leave first. And you take the next one. Again, unless he’s a scrote he won’t push your boundary (ANY boundary).
Another benefit of this is that you don't seem too available for him.
For all he knows- you have another date afterwards, or are about to be picked up by another man. Even if you really are just leaving right afterwards and heading home; him not having that confirmation (by going that way with you) indirectly plants this seed and boosts your level of desirability in the eyes of other men (aka his competition).
Let him wonder...
Don’t for one second think he isn’t well aware that every minute you’re not spending with him is time that you’re potentially spending with another man, and may even be snatched up by tomorrow. And the more unsure he is, the faster he will act. ASSUMING he’s ACTUALLY into you...
We all know men don’t wait to make a move on someone he really likes, unless he thinks he is only interested in wasting your time, in which case if you follow this advice, he has less of it to waste.
So in a nutshell, If you’re going to meet someone, and both happen to take transit- never agree to go there with him, and immediately leave afterward. No man deserves a nanosecond extra of your precious time expecially if it's not even during the date which he is ideally paying for.
I don't have an issue with public transport (at least where I live, I appreciate that other peoples' experience might be different) but I definately agree with the part about not moving to a second location on a first date (or in the early stages of dating). In the early stages of dating, the guy you're dating is a stranger. There's too much potential for him to have a sinister agenda when he takes you to a second location e.g. he could drag you into a side street and assault you or he could have friends on standby around a street corner waiting to jump you. It's also worth pointing out that moving to a second location makes it harder for people e.g. your friends to find you if something bad happens to you because when you told your friends you were going on a date, you would have given the first location. This is why predators are so big on moving to a second location, they know that the first location is the first place that people will look for you. (I know that all this is in the FDS handbook but it's worth repeating).
It's also worth pointing out that if a man waits for the bus/train with you or if he gets on the bus/train with you, you're still paying your own fare but he gets to appear like a gentleman. Plus like OP says, he'll also get an idea of where you live.
I agree with this!
I live in a smaller city and we still have a good public transportation system. Where I live is still pretty car centric though.
I was a little older than most when I got my drivers license and back when I didn't drive I didn't want to date men that didn't drive. Some thought it was hypocritical. But I do think it's different when it's a man that can't drive vs a woman who can't.
I still take public transit if I'm going downtown or to events etc.
I think when you're on a date and neither of you drive, sometimes you tend to go to lots of different places and you're right about it creating a false sense of intimacy.
I think if you don't drive or live somewhere where it's extremely expensive to have a car there's safe and smart ways to date.
However, if you live somewhere like me and almost everyone has a vehicle, don't date men without a license/car!
I once made a simple mistake of driving a guy home after we had been on a few dates. I felt bad because it was a cold night (I'm In Canada, so winters it can be like -35C) and he told me he was taking the bus. He didn't live far, about a 10 minute drive.
HUGE MISTAKE.
After that I felt like he kept seeing me because he wanted rides to places. I don't even think he liked me. I always would say no to giving him rides, but he kept asking and asking. It was wild.
After this experience, I will never date a man that doesn't drive.
Also, don't drive something recognizable to your date if at all possible. There is little to no public transportation at all in our nearest city, and Uber and Lyft are unreliable, so it's driving yourself, being picked up, or nothing.
I own three vehicles, two of which are considered 'cool'. Guess what I drive on dates? My daily driver one-of-a-million wrangler. It's not at all memorable, no visible aftermarket mods (It'll still climb a mountain, but I specifically didn't make it look 'badass'). One of my friends prefers to drive her neon green and hot pink wrangler to dates, and I cringe because that vehicle is FAR too easy to pick out in traffic.
I'm on board with this 100%.
I lived in New York for many years, and if the walk between venues was more than a short block or two, I fully expected the man to pay for an Uber and not make me walk or take public transportation.