Can no longer unsee red flags

For context I stumbled on FDS in 2019 after seeing hate posts on Reddit- this of course was after a years long journey of trying to figure out why dating was a series of disappointments at best and at worst untenable “compromises” in a transactional “relationship” (if it ever got that far).

FDS is the touchstone and framework for all of my continuing education on heteronormative relationships and why men do what they do.

Anymore, in real life, social media and especially so called reality-based programming (or more accurately pick-me propaganda) I see all the red flags and then the negative impact on the women involved.

In real life I see women off load the men’s inexcusable behavior in toxic ways that preserves their relationship, deference to men, and self-destructive pick me beliefs. They often blame shift into others to maintain their relationship and that can get ugly for the victim/scapegoat. IMO it’s dangerous and difficult to be associated with women in this dynamic because they can and will target you.

Recently I declined a good job due to knowing that the woman who owned the company with her husband and has been for the last 2 years trying to reconcile with her husband who is a serial cheater, has refused to work and contribute financially to their family. He said that he cheated on her “because of her attitude” like his penis fell out of his pants and into a mutual business acquaintance’s vagina since his wife seemed “bitchy” sometimes.

From experience I know that since this prospective boss prioritizes this degenerate and degrading relationship the resulting pain and frustration will create toxic workplace environments particularly for other women.

On social media spotting red flags is like spotting sunshine in the desert. It’s obvious! Anymore I’m convinced that it’s not “weaponized incompetence” or “entitlement” or “the patriarchy” that explains male red flag behavior. These explanations seem to remove the man from his behavior and basically explain away his culpability for his own actions. Anymore I believe that it’s more organic and originates in personality disorders that employ all the explanations listed above (and more). This shitty behavior in men runs deep.

Finally, I enjoy watching “reality shows” especially the ones where they get married. The men in general on these shows have red flags that are stereotypical- they can’t complete simple adult tasks without direction, they are sexually coercive, they try to baby trap, they are not actually “single” and etc. Watching these women on TV with their wedding princess and soul mate fantasies live out crushing humiliations and then contend with online backlash- it’s like I’m constantly thinking to myself “wow” how much longer can this relationship narrative as “entertainment”continue on as is ?

The last 5 years of constant education on what actually benefits women in relationships has dramatically changed my life and increased my ability to spot the red flag man worship nonsense and excuse factory necessary to participate. Even if I’m not the one in that toxic red flag filled relationship.

To be transparent it’s taken me 5 years to undo a lifetime of beliefs. And it’s only recently that I have the sufficient understanding of red flags to begin considering what would work in relationship for me , however that’s a completely different subject.