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I broke an FDS rule and had a man I'd been seeing over before I had properly vetted him--I had vetted him a bit and we had mutual friends who vouched for him--and we ended up sitting at my dining room table and chatting for a few hours. During that time he doodled absentmindedly on a piece of paper.
I didn't think much of it and I nearly threw out his doodling right after he left but I decided to take a look at it and around the shapes he had drew, he had written the words "kill", "defile", "die", "c--t", "plaything", "lover", "all alone" (a reference to me living alone), "vile", "prey", "for shit fun", and he circled the letters "SA" over and over again, as well as his name.
I was and am COMPLETELY freaked out.
I obviously broke it off but before that I asked him about it, he got defensive and said "It's nothing! I have ADHD." And I asked him what SA stood for, he wouldn't answer so I asked "does it stand for sexual assault?" No answer. "How about sex addiction?" No answer. "Were you thinking about the fact I live alone and that you could have easily sexually assaulted me or defiled me in some way?" No answer. Pause.
Him: "I can't believe you're accusing me of wanting to sexually assault you!"
Me: "I'm not accusing you of anything. I asked you what your writing was all about, you didn't answer, so I am now guessing to try to figure this out."
Him: "How dare you? I told you I have ADHD! I don't want you in my life! Never contact me again!"
I'm still thinking about filing a police report. Actually, I don't know what's holding me back.
Oh, I do this all the time. I have ADD and everywhere I go, I write violent things, with my name next to it. Especially at people's houses, I don't know why, it's just a tic. There's no need to overreact about it. It's a totally normal thing, everyone with ADD will tell you it's just a funny, cute little thing we do. Another tic I have, due to ADD, is that after I sleep with men, I castrate them. Again, it's just another funny little ADD tic, I'm on medication but I still have these tendencies from time to time. I think it's just biology, I'm naturally wired this way, and then the ADD kind of makes it into an impulse you know? People sometimes make a big deal about but hey, it's biology and a mental illness, so you really need to be kinder to people with these afflictions.
🙄
Of course I'm kidding. How absurd. I'm so sorry you went through something so traumatic, in your own house. And the fact that he didn't dispose of those doodles himself, he wanted you to see them. Yikes. Stay safe out there.
He darvo'd you and tried to pull the reverse uno card ("YOU'RE the disturbed one, not me!")
Good riddance to this creep. I'd keep a record of that doodle
This is so, so scary. And I agree with the other comment: that's what was on his subconscious mind while he was talking to you and being in your home. That man is seriously disturbed. If it was just "doodling" he could have drawn hearts or spirals or something harmless like sane people do. He drew violent rape fantasies.
This also applies to men who draw their own comics and mangas or write stories, by the way. Look at what they are drawing and writing. It's most likely violent, rapey, pedo shit and not harmless. If his fantasy is "girl who looks 12 gets penetrated by a monster" and his hobby is drawing pictures or writing stories to play out his fantasies, that guy is sick and dangerous. This is worse than just consuming the content (which is an immediate dealbreaker and bad enough already), he's creating his own, new fantasies out of it. You don't want to be around when that escalates.
Whoa!! OMFG. This actually reminds me of something I read years ago where this doctor said that doodling is the subconscious mind playing out. And this is what was in his subconscious mind. He probably wasn't even aware consciously of what he was writing which is why he kept saying it's "just ADHD". But NO, it was his subconscious mind saying the truth. Man, this gave me an idea for vetting though. From now on, I'm always going to have a pen and paper around for men to doodle on, so I can catch any psycho shit like this. I am actually happy that you confronted him about it. Some men need to be called out for their behavior. I mean, ADHD has nothing to do with the words he doodled. He could have doodled puppies, and rainbows if he has ADHD, but his mind doodled violent shit. WOW
you dodged a train-sized bullet.
No need to contact him anymore you already know he is dangerous man block delete from everywhere he should have no avenue to contact you
It's hilarious how he told you to get out of HIS life when it's YOU who should've been saying that not that trashbag! That's why we should just ghost and block and don't even say anything to them and let their heads spin lol like how they ghost women after sex all the time. Some even walk out on sex right after just for a power move. We gotta stop giving our bodies to these sociopaths.
Yeah, not sure why you're holding back either. This is a terroristic threat and it's not like after you break things off with him he's going to be a productive member of society and won't sexually assault another woman.
Make sure you keep solid evidence, file the report, show it to your friends (if they defend him now you know who your enemies are), show it to his place of work bc quite frankly fuck that nigga.
He seems cocky. Cocky enough to write it on paper in front of you. I wouldn't be surprised if he has a record- did you look him up?
Glad you're safe, Queen. In a sane world that would be enough to lock him up to protect the public. But instead he'll go on to SA someone and maybe even get away with it. Please block everywhere and be very careful.
Honestly I would report him even if it doesn’t go anywhere. The police will still go see him. Also for anyone who vouched for him, make sure they know who he is and call them out on their BS for recommending this violent rapist, because he is.
As someone with ADHD I hate, hate, hate when men use it to justify their deranged behaviors. Most people wouldn't even know I have it unless they spend extended amounts of time with me (and even then, they might just think I'm quirky). ADHD doesn't mean antisocial or unhinged. Jeez
Why would a man think to write "SA"? Men dont discuss sexual assault on the internet, and the only place anyone abbreviates sexual assault like that is in female centered internet spaces. Does this guy stalk FDS or twoX or something? Does he have fenale sock puppets that he uses to troll women online? Something is suspicious here.
Wow they always use ADD as an excuse eh? Had one LVM self proclaimed into poly loser tell me that from the jump like it's a get out of jail free card to excuse all their toxic abusive behavior. Sounds like a covert narc or psychopath so you definitely dodged a bullet! They definitely have thoughts of killing you when they're with you and will act on it at some point. The sh*tty thing is we're outnumbered by covert narc males hence the term LVM and NVM which describes them.
One NVM my cousin is friends with doodled a penis on the receipt he signed after dinner so the poor waitress could see it. He's a narc probably and mysogynist at the least and made jokes about treating his son better than his daughter..he also didn't even offer the tip or to pay anything for dinner and it was my cousins bday so just goes to show he is cheap allowing the woman to pay and obviously not his real friend either since he made some cruel jokes on him at dinner. Idk why my cousin even entertains males like this as his friend when they're absolutely disgusting POS.
Agree with all the comments that even though police won’t do anything, a report is still useful. If he does anything later on they will say well why didn’t you bring this up the first time. Also I’d suggest making a tiktok and publicly posting to FB so mutuals see. There’s a FB group where women warn other women. Not sure about your city but you mentioned Canada. I think I heard Toronto has one so other cities might have one too
All other comments here are awesome, it definitely was massive waving red flag and he tried to gaslight you about it - but I'm also considering that he actually did that on purpose just to idk, mess with you? See if you will see through him or just laugh it off? This could be a test which you probably "failed" in his eyes.
I mean, how stupid can someone be to write stuff like this on a paper and leave it?
Are you still with him ?
You were right to be scared. The good news is you confronted him and it is unlikely he will proceed with his creepy plans now. I would file a police report personally to document the situation even if nothing is done about it.