"Accept me as who I am" RUN AWAY!!!!!!

Hello,

This is a story from when I was 19yo. First bf. Lasted ~ 1,5 y. I was too young and I had too little experience to vett properly, anyways he showed his toxic traits a little "late" (6 months is not late but when it's your first relation it kind of is). Not immediatly.

He was severely depressed. Under meds. I wanted him to stop. He was having panick attacks (yes it's very sad I was very empathetic) and I supported him as much as I could, I was always there for him (as I should have done, I have no regret over that). After quite some times, it became very hard for me. The relationship started becoming very heavy. I was his "only meds" according to him. When we argued, he was often taking meds in order to be more calm and then accused me of that ("I took this because of you !"). It was enough. I wanted to leave him, I told him that I couldn't stand that anymore. He told all of his friends about the situation and told me : "I am not gonna change, you take me as I am or you don't. You have to accept me with my crisis and my depression". I COULD NOT take him as he was. I was still a teenager and it was an heavy burden on my shoulders! He was entitled to my help ! I stayed because I didn't want to be the "mean girl" (I was young). But that was the first red flag. I still advised him on everything (sport, food, etc). He struggled to change his life hygiene and resented me because I wanted him to improve himself.

Some months later, I dumped him because I am mixed person and he used me as his token "black girlfriend" (I dont look black I have 3 races I just look like some random brown person, the point is that he used it anyway) to win arguments over people online (I guess he did it with his friends in my back too but I'll never know).

He was making a LOT of racist jokes online. A LOT of very bad ones (implying black people are inferior etc, it was just bad). When I discovered it (at the end of the relationship), I told him to stop. This time, he resorted the same argument : "This is my personality. This is who I am. You can't ask me to change. Making racist jokes is my personality. I am liked by everyone by being like this. If I were like you I wouldn't have so many friends. I am not gonna change for you". He kept repeating it was his personality and that he could not change his personality. Moreover, he was asking me to change : "I don't like the fact that you don't like racist joke (even though I AM NOT WHITE OFC I DONT LIKE IT), change this and that's all"

This time, I knew I was done. That was not a teenager behaviour but an entitled kid behavior! Men that use "Accept me who as I am" are just not ready to make the effort in order to make the relationship work. They just wanna be worshipped without doing anything. When there is an argument, he will gaslight you using this "accept me as who I am". It's exactly the same as "if you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best". BUT THERE IS NO BEST! I think it's a very individualistic mindset that CAN NOT make a relationship work!

A relationship, on both parts, need mutual respect and efforts that MAY require some change on each parts habits, and there is nothing wrong with that. A guy that just wanna be "accepted as who he is" just wanna be lazy. It's a very toxic statement (even in friendship Id say). They don't even wanna evolve and progress as an human being (even outside the relationship, this kind of person will most likely not become mature with time).