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Edit: added link in case video doesn't load (https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPR76GWSh/)
Period. Saw this today and had to share, especially as someone who had not seen healthy relationship models growing up and has struggled in my adult relationships to realize when men actually loved me vs using me. This is why FDS has the vetting standards here that we do - it weeds out selfish men who are not in love with you and are using you.
Many men see women as subhuman, as appliances, as replaceable - they want all of the access to your body, your mind, your money, your youth with as little from them as possible. They are not in love with you and thus know they can replace you whenever they deem you "too much", get a new girl, rinse and repeat. They see all women the same so to them, what difference is there between you and her in his mind? Many men are not capable of true love as women know and understand it. For many men it is purely transactional, with women footing the bill metaphorically and literally. They will suck out every last drop that you allow them to and that they think they can take, and like a used tissue toss you right out.
Women are not here to do charity work for men, to give any part of themselves to others "for free". There is nothing wrong with making men work to access even your time and attention, even for 5 seconds. It's not free and it's not men's right to ever receive it.
For him to show you he loves you, I don't think it has to be big things or grand gestures - but if you require or want big things that is more than ok. But I think we can all agree even the poorest of men in love can be resourceful as hell to make the women they love happy. And honestly, I don't think women as a whole have ever expected anything unreasonable from their men and if men try to make you think that, they are the men we are talking about here.
Pay attention to the little details:
Does he get you a coffee too when he's out without you asking?
Does he do anything for you without you asking?
Does he make your life better?
Does he do anything for you that is purely FOR YOU? aka no benefit to him in any way beyond seeing you happy.
Does he equally contribute to the relationship in every way you do?
Does he ever ask what HE can do to make you life easier, take some stress off of you, make you happy?
Does he ever eat you out without any expectation?
Does he pay the bill or take you out on dates without being asked?
Does he ever help you in any way, shape or form, with no expectation of what he will get in return?
Alternatively...
Does he actively add stress to your life and do nothing about it even when you complain?
Does he argue with you about and disregard your feelings and thoughts?
Has he created a relationship where his needs are the priority (his job/career, always does what he wants to do during outings/dates, his pleasure/climax takes priority, you spend time with his family but he never does with yours, the list could go on)?
Does he show love and compassion to you even when you are your most "unlovable" (sick, in your natural state, in a crisis, etc.)?
Is he unwilling to withstand any (even MILD) discomfort in the relationship even if it made you happy?
Does he throw a tantrum when he doesn't get his way or has to do something once that you do all the time for him?
If he isn't making you a priority and feel like an equal, he does not love you. He is using you to make himself feel good, all at your expense. This is why at FDS we have standards and demand effort, demand he reciprocate, and leave at the first sign of disrespect or other concerning behaviors. We don't owe men shit, and there is no reward for sticking it out with a man who doesn't love you. Like I said before, to many men we are so easily replaceable and insignificant it will not truly bother many for you to walk away despite their theatrics. They are upset because they no longer have access to what makes them feel good, not because they love and lost you. YOU, however, will carry the scars and the sinking feeling that you aren't good enough to love (which of course isn't true) and what we give up in terms of youth, time, our bodies, and everything else is worth too much to waste on men who don't love you.
A million times yes. My HV boyfriend is constantly offering ways to make my life easier, and it is a continual journey learning to say yes every time. He takes deep joy in easing my burdens, whether it is cooking for me, driving me, going down on me, taking me out to events, making plans I’ll enjoy, and many other things big and small. Just like the woman in the video says, he is eager to take on discomfort for the benefit of me and of our relationship. He enthusiastically shoulders financial, physical, and mental burdens for me. It’s incredible.
All the many LVM I had previously dated were focused only on their own pleasure, comfort, and quality of life as selfish individuals. They wanted to take sex, money, physical and emotional labor from me. This is why at FDS we have the entire dichotomy of HVM and LVM! A HVM adds value to your life because he loves giving to you, because he loves YOU. A LVM or NVM adds minimal or negative value to your life, because he loves taking from you, because he feels no true emotion for you, just convenience and disrespect. When we vet, we look for men to add value to our lives as a sign that he truly loves and cares for us.
Men who expect you to make sacrifices for them don't love you either. They wouldn't even allow it, And if you insist they will give whatever you need to compensate for it. And no their version of love is not compensating. Love can't be transferred to your bank account. So men who have nothing to give besides love have no business asking you to build them.
Eh, I still haven't seen any proof that HVM actually exist. You're assuming that they do. So where's the proof other than anecdotal bullshit?
The truth is that men are incapable of respecting women. Yeah, they might buy you shit or "make your life easier," but in reality, it's to get what they ultimately want: cook, clean, fuck. If we want to use anecdotes, I've lost count at how many men "started off" nice to their spouses, only to leave them once the second kid was born, when their wives became ill or infertile, or when a 20-year-old flashed her boobies at him. You can keep evaluating to a point; eventually, it becomes tiresome.
I say, make men fuck each other for 20+ years. Watch as the realization dons on them just how low they really are.