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When FDS was still on Reddit, there was a brilliant post someone made about how relationships don't last because of how men view women - they view us as objects/tools. There's a study that shows that when men look at women, especially when the woman is wearing something that accentuates her figure like a bikini, the part of the brain that lights up for using tools, lights up in men's brains.
We all know that there is only so much interest a person can have in an object. Think about a handbag you really want. You can get to the point of obsessing over it which leads to you dreaming about it when you sleep and thinking about it often when you're awake. Once you buy it, use it a few times, match it with a pair of shoes you felt it would go well with, your interest in it wanes until it becomes just another handbag you were crazy over that now lies in the back of your closet. Once that interest in the handbag goes away, your interest in another handbag or another thing altogether, starts, thus starting the cycle again. That's how a lot of men see women - we're exciting to them because we're new and different from their previous or current partner. Once they experience us and what we have to offer, their interest quickly lessens, leaving us wondering why "he lost interest so quickly". An object or a tool is great when it serves a purpose but once the purpose has been served, it's rendered unimportant.
Since most men see us in such a fickle way, it's why their interest in us or relationships with us don't last - they were never interested in us the way we are with them. Their interest is superficial, short-lived and shallow which is why it's essential that we vet the hell out of them. A lot of women get excited when a man shows interest in them and wants to be in a relationship with them. They feel that he must be a good guy because he's committing to them, compared to previous men who just wanted sex. Remember that most men, as we already know, are LV so to think a guy is automatically good/HV because he wants to commit to you is not wise. Vet him to see that he's really and genuinely interested in you. Does he see you as a tool or an autonomous human being, who he respects? Does he like you for who you are as a person which is the way you'd be interested in him? Ask most women what they like in a guy and they'll point to a man's traits that they admire (i.e. seeing him as a human being) and what makes him unique but ask most men what they like in a woman and you'll hear them talk about what they like that the woman does for them/how useful she is too him (i.e. seeing her as a tool).
For example -
Women: "I like his humour, intelligence, kindness, charm and how he has empathy for the less fortunate"
vs
Men: "I like that she's hot, I like her cooking and my friends all say I'm lucky for getting a hottie like her".
See the difference?
I thought to share this with everyone because the more I understood just how much men objectify us, the more I understood why relationships with them don't last.
Please be aware of this.
Yes, this is exactly it. A man wanting a relationship doesn't make him "good". Just means he sees you as potentially useful to his life (usually). We have to vet that he actually sees women as people. Sad but true.
🌟shiny objects 🌟
and it's amazing to me the regularity with which the three-month mark comes around (with my last ex it was exactly 73 days from the day he asked me out, 83 days from the day we met, yes i kept track) and whatever the chemical is (dopamine probably) wears off.
We see this attitude on display in those horrible anniversary posts that sound like a used car ad from LVM 'gushing' about their wives
see, this is why i have completely given up on dating and relationships. men suck and they won't change in my lifetime. the idea of vetting a ma for the rest of my life is very demotivating to me. i'll never be able to trust him and let my guard down to just relax and be happy in a relationship.
Yeah that's why it doesn't matter whether he has "feelings" for you or not, desire and needs are feelings but they don't indebt you to him. We have been socialized to feel flattered by a man confessing his "feelings" to us, to give him a chance and excuse bad behavior because he "loves" us. Yeah no. Those feelings are not a favor. They don't mean shit when he doesn't actually value you as a person and brings stuff to YOUR table as opposed to just wanting what you provide. That's also why FDS advises us to offer less, because it makes us less likely to fall victim to the typical scenario of him going "I love you sooo much (for what you can do for me)" and her feeling validated but also drained and confused as soon as she stops "providing".
🙌. For some reason, I always want to add...(I never want to make a whole new post for this and I hope you don't mind that I'm putting this here.)... the study that showed that men's medial prefrontal cortex didn't light up when they saw women in bikinis vs. fully clothed also showed that some women's didn't light up either. So, women are so oppressed and "sexually" objectified that even a straight woman will begin to objectify women herself.(It's almost like most of what men claim is just their "sexuality" and is "sex" is a falsehood.)
Then, I think a lot of women with internalized misogyny (my former self) pretend like they are actually with a man just because he is so "kind, charming, smart, funny" but they don't truly feel that way about him either nor look out for those traits nor actually value those traits in men. They just know that they have to lie and inflate men's egos in order to get by under the patriarchy. And the men know this.
So, what I'm adding is, men and women are exactly the same; holistically. Just in different bodies. And it's crazy to see how the exact same personality traits will play out SO differently in men and women just because of Homo Sapien sexual dimorphism😂. So, I wish people would only talk in terms of the truth of why men do the shitty things they do (they're misguided and lost, pathetic, men are obsessed with women, etc. 😂) so that women can better respond to it by always identifying a part of themselves in men. To actually dismantle this patriarchy.
Yeah, and that's why I do not want to be in a relationship with or near like 99.99999% of them. I feel like I can talk to an actual person when I talk to women because they're seeing me as one, too.
Yes, I totally agree with the Tool bit. I always felt like they see women as some sort of home appliance - when you are working its great, but as soon as you have needs you need to be replaced. Think when was the last time a fridge have needs?