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After being an OLD user for a decade now. I would like to share my few learnings after a lot of trial and error.
Detailed Steps:
Make sure you are in a good place mentally before you start this because this road is tough. Know yourself. Get therapy, heal from previous trauma beforehand.
Have an idea of what you want or at least what you absolutely can't tolerate. Build your boundaries and your non-negotiables.
Install an app. I personally prefer Hinge as it works at my location. Is not too crowded and most importantly if you are the kind of person who dislike swiping, it is for you. You can receive "likes" and match with men who look interesting to you. So basically, you are letting him do the chasing.
Upload clear high-quality pictures. One headshot or something which shows your face clearly. One full body shot. Refrain from group pictures as you don't want to compromise the privacy of your friends or coworkers. Look fun and positive in these pictures. I would personally refrain from very sexy pictures as it attracts fuckboys more.
For prompts make it unique and something which reflects your personality. I make sure to include a poll/prompt where I list my preferred first date options which are dinner/brunch/stand-up comedy show/theatre. Make sure to include things you will enjoy even if the guy does not turn out to be worthwhile. At least you got to do something you enjoy. And only include options which will cost money. This makes sures that when you match and get talking, he will have an idea of how to ask you out properly and even after mentioning this explicitly some guy asks you for a coffee date, unmatch. Don't bother negotiating or explaining. Also, include things in your prompt that you would like him to do or you enjoy. This makes sures he is trying to woo you and is well aware you are here for maximizing your pleasure and not the other way around.
If you are a busy woman (even if you are not), don't use these apps for more than 20 min each day. Add a timer if you want to. It helps provide burn out and also you should not come across as overly available or you value online dating or match highly. I personally receive about 10-50 likes per day on hinge, firstly I would only respond to guys who said something more than Hi and better referenced something from my profile. Just block and delete whenever a guy gets remotely sexual even during preliminary conversations. I stick with 1-2 message a day. Since I have usually 15 men to answer, i can't afford to give more time to one person from the get-go.
If you see repeated or worse copy-pasted prompts in someone's profile. Example, mention of live, laugh, love. Elon Musk. Fluent in sarcasm. Pineapple as pizza toppings. Taking my sweatshirt after you borrowed it. Mention of Friends, Brooklyn 99. Pictures of him drinking or smoking (i personally find it should not be flaunted, keep your personal life personal) Shirtless pictures are too desperate, screams fuckboy. Picture with an attractive woman. They want to show they are good with women, or this one woman gave him a chance, you should too. Either way is bad news. Or if a guy mentions stock and crypto in profile or date. Run.
After 2-3 days of texting if someone asks to meet or get connected on socials. I invite them for a quick call over telegram, this way I don't need to share my number and can block him if he turns weird. I do a 15-20 min voice call and check the vibe if I would be able to spend 1-2 hours with this guy over a date. I also have a weird quirk, if I don't find the guys voice attractive, I am not inclined to meet him. By the end of this call this guy should have ideally scheduled a date. If he does not ask you out within 1-2 days of this conversation and keeps you as a text buddy only, drop him.
For me the rule is, if he hasn't asked me out after a telephonic conversation. I drop him.
Let him give you options as per your preference. Remember you are the one who is being courted. You can select a place or suggest a place you wanted to try if he wants your suggestion. I usually schedule dinner dates for Sunday evening as I don't cook on Sunday haha. But you can choose a day/time combo that works for your lifestyle.
If the date for Sunday was scheduled by Wednesday, he need to ping you to do the raincheck before a reasonable time before the actual date. For example if it is Sunday night, he should at max ask your confirmation till Sunday morning otherwise you don't meet him. Period. You never text him for follow up.
During the date, watch for how he is dressed, did he take effort to dress. If he is holding doors and chairs for you. How he reacts when you are ordering say something expensive. And what he ends up ordering. For example if you are ordering a starter+maincourse and he only ordered something small. Maybe he is broke or not generous.
Look at the conversation flow and verbal and non-verbal ques. Ideally there should be good balance of 50-50 or at least 60-40 in how much each person talks. If he monopolizes the conversation or expect you to carry the entire conversation on your shoulder or worse interview him like he is a king, don't see him again. If he keeps looking at your lips and cleavage or other things constantly which makes you feel objectified. Drop him.
When the check comes, I do an energy check. If he is taking time to read the bill or hints non-verbally that he is expecting me to pinch in. I will offer to pay and never see him again. He should ideally pay before you are even able to notice and not make a big deal out of it. When he does pay, smile generously and thank him for the dinner, etc.
I usually let him drop me home (near home, somewhere he won't get where I live) if he was a HVM. Otherwise I will take a cab back home.
If the entire date was nice, I might let him kiss me but never initiate anything.
Don't text him first when you reach home after the date. Let him do that. He should have ideally suggested another place for second date during the date itself.
In my experience most LVM, aren't able to hold the facade for 3 dates let alone 3 months. You will be disappointed a lot more times than you're expecting.
One thing which keeps me sane is sometimes I would keep seeing a guy if I enjoy his company and he is paying, even when I don't see him as relationship material. Keep the scrotation on. Some guys in your scrotation may be low value but if you enjoy doing a certain activity with them and they are offering expensive dates, feel free. You can also keep friends and family in scrotation, does not have to be LVM. Like some weekends I go out with my girlfriends and have no dates scheduled.
Don't go out when you know you won't have fun. I personally like to go to a mid-range place, or a place where I could pay if he wants to split. If you are used to five-star buffets, do that.
Tell a friend where you are going and with whom. Share his car number if possible. Google him before meeting. Preferably LinkedIn.
Men lie about their height, age, profession, marital status, even employment status.
Follow this never text him first rule unless you want to cancel a scheduled plan.
Personally, for me, I won't do anything more than second base for 90 days and more.
PS- This is something which works in my country which is in South Asia.
I know a lot of time and thought went into this post, so I'm not trying to be mean when I say this:
But look at how much work that is for online dating. Most men are shitty and expect labor from us and going online for dating attracts more shit and more labor.
HVM are not online because they're in such high demand but low supply that they have no problem finding their dream women offline. All you're gonna find online is a spectrum of trash ranging from disappointing to downright dangerous.
Online dating was invented for men to have easy access to women post-academia (the only time in a man's life where he's surrounded by women without having to work for it.) They see women online as desperate if the offline attention we get from men isn't enough, so we must crave it constantly if we're resorting to going online for it.
And desperation=people-pleasing, prioritizing our man above all else, and ultimately just easy to manipulate and treat like crap 'cause they know a desperate woman will never leave them. Online dating works for predators looking for broken people to exploit and they are NOT picky, anyone with low self esteem will do.
Because you're not a person to them. You're a stepping stone to supplement them while they go indulge their insatiable greed and emptiness.
Don't be a rose from the supermarket with her thorns sawed off so the public can handle you easier. You'll live maybe for a week in a vase of contained water and then whither away.
A rose in the wild still has her thorns and roots and she's still connected to the earth so she'll live a lot longer...And because she can't be bought, that's what makes her more appreciated by someone who might find her and pluck her, rather than if they bought her in the supermarket.
The wild rose may cost $0, but she is protected by her thorns therefore not easy to pluck. That means only the brave, thoughtful and strong is ABLE to pick her and knows how to keep her thriving even outside of her natural environment 🌹
Every month, there’s a post about online dating apps on here, but at least you took the time to write out a thoughtful list of dating advice.
If you’re using online dating, my advice is simple: master body language, especially facial expressions. Set kindness aside and assess harshly—photos speak volumes.
Handbook clearly states NO OLD. Moids on old are all baby daddy's, spreaders of stds, pedos and jobless pornisck idiots who will try to kill you during sex. Cease being a pickme.
Also I expect daily chats before we meet or I lose all interest.
3 days before socials? I ask them within an hour. Also full name for vetting.