.png)
I'm not sure if this has been posted before, and I'm now a sometime reader. I binged on FDS when I found it on Reddit, and have kept up with the podcasts (I miss them!). I'm now logging in every few months to catch up, so I'm here, but just dip in occasionally.
First of all, I've noticed that in chat (its own world, so full of id and so lacking in superego), I can spot a desperate man broody to settle down from the first few passes of convo. I've noticed if a man asks me first and foremost what I call autobiographical info, specifically marital status, chances are he's looking and looking hard. Chances also are he's using anything but dating sites because he's a cheapskate, and because he's tried and failed to meet women in real life. So many men online are desperate for green cards, money, but mostly just attention. Chances are often good, too, that in asking marital status, he may very well be conventional, traditional, conservative, and rather staid.
It's also worth noting that if a man asks about me as a person (rare), that's more of a green flag in wanting to know me for me. What are your hobbies, your interests, do you like this or that. Trying to establish likes in common is great. However, latching on to one thing of a woman's likes, and saying he hates that or would never do that is a big red flag; it's a way of putting distance between himself and someone else. If a man does that, I quite often just leave the entire conversation without bothering to say goodbye. I'm just done, and doing that is a dealbreaker for me. These same type of men, when they find out I was a teacher, say things like, "Man, I HATED my teacher" and carry a lot of unresolved educational trauma they project outwards (how else), never bothering to self-reflect, work on healing, forgiveness, or owning their part of anything. Their being openly hostile or rude or saying things that create detachment are all dealbreakers to me.
Another thing I've noticed is that men who seem pissed off, or even just confused by my being a woman who isn't constantly laboring and/or working is a giant red flag. Lots of those broody to settle down men are gigantic manbabies who want to be taken care of. The fact that I say I'm retired, and yeah, maybe, I guess I wouldn't mind another relationship, provided we had a living apart together relationship -- then they seem less than thrilled about this, red flag every single time. They're centering their needs and wants, ie cooking, cleaning, caregiving, and my being totally unwilling to be a Mommy McBangmaid upsets them no end.
Add to that, finally, any questions about finances, when first getting to know someone, giant red flag. I just say my finances are my business, and provide zero details. I might say occasionally that I have a pension, since I'm retired, but that's it. My first thought is that these guys are lazy ass mooches, hobosexuals, and video game addicts who want a woman to keep them in the manner to which they've become accustomed.
Thanks for reading, ladies. Love to all, and keep those standards sky-high!
The second they ask what your job is and how you're making money it means they're a gold digger or down low.
I have older men grin at me asking for my age, if im married or if I have kids, ex husbands and I say no.
They also ask If I live alone but I do not answer that.
Then it usually ends up with asking for my number with a sob story that he was focusing on himself too much in his younger years and now he's ready to settle down and have kids.
Sorry I'm not your one way ticket out of being a biological failure.
Even women give me grief when I tell older men that they should have used their prime years better, older doesn't mean better unless you're attractive with heaps of cash, but those women don't love you just your wallet.
Men disregarded women who could love them for who they are so I don't feel sorry for them.
Let men date other men and adopt.
Older men will take a jab at you when you don't seem like easy access, well too bad,
Deep inside they don't want women to "Keep their legs closed" because with who are they going to hook up?
“Another thing I've noticed is that men who seem pissed off, or even just confused by my being a woman who isn't constantly laboring and/or working is a giant red flag. Lots of those broody to settle down men are gigantic manbabies who want to be taken care of.”
YES I have experienced this and it’s a huge tell.
I am disabled by an energy limiting neurological disorder, but I look fine. And I have found that men are either really resentful that I don’t have to go out and work every day, or they are at the opposite end and they get really really excited to take care of me.
I run from those men. If they start talking to me about how they want to take care of me when they don’t even know what my medical needs are I know exactly what they mean. They think I am desperate and they want to take over my life so I can’t leave them because I need them. I do appreciate that they show me that red flag pretty much right away, I never tell them because I don’t want them to hide it from anyone in the future.
A man I was talking to said “Men must not want to be with you because of your health.” like he was doing me a favor by wanting me. I laughed so hard and I told him that they don’t care about that because I look fine, I think some men even like that I’m not out running around going to clubs or anything because I’m too sick.
I think he was really disappointed to hear that I didn’t actually have to settle for him. And I didn’t.