.png)
Disclaimer: Not every woman wants an expensive engagement ring. This post is for women who do.
In the U.S., many women seem conflicted about how much money their prospective fiances should spend on engagement rings. There seems to be no definitive answer, though the 2-3 months' salary standard is mentioned frequently. This means, for example, that if he takes home $100k/year, the ring should cost between $17k and $25k.
Many people think this seems outrageously pricey, but I disagree. You should not feel ashamed for wanting an expensive engagement ring, if it's important for you.
Here's an anecdote:
In the late 90s, I was a serious pianist and had my eye on a $40k piano. I explained this to my dad, and over the next two years, he scraped together $40k and bought me the piano. My dad earned less than 6 figures at the time and worked hard for his money. Today, I consider the piano a family heirloom and feel grateful to my dad for doing the best he could.
The lesson I extrapolated from this experience: if you date a man seriously and give him your best effort (your youth, time, energy, etc.), then he should feel the desire to give you his best effort.
Hopefully, my story illustrates what a man's best effort can look like. If a middle-class man can save $40k in 2 years to buy his daughter something she deems important, then the middle-class man you're dating can save $40k in 2 years to buy you the engagement ring you want.
Whatever women like, men and women will hate on it so just want what you want.
My grandpa was blue collar and didn't have a lot of money growing up, he scraped together for the expensive coat my grandma wanted and for a Tiffany necklace my mom wanted when she graduated. These men will find a way and make it happen if they want to. Your dad Is a great example.
Also if anyone doesn't want a ring, you should be given something of SIMILAR value during a proposal. The piano could have been something someone mentioned she wanted instead of a ring to her boyfriend, who then went and bought it for her during the engagement. My point is a man needs to be gifting something of decent value, tailored to the woman's unique taste. It requires effort, planning, and will come at somewhat of a cost to him. No cheapo pandora rings will fly.
Exactly. Men will try to move mountains if they love you. If they're buying you a $10 ring while plonking down $5000 for the PCs and video games and spending $20 each month on OnlyVentilators, newsflash: they don't love you - they probably don't even like you!
Men pay over a thousand for a new gaming console, pay monthly subscription to play online. For that amount he can save for a decent ring. If he wanted he would is the best advise because whatever he does or allow to happen. It happened because he wanted to and men should be judged like adults instead of children who had no idea they were in the wrong.
Omg thank you for this post! 🙏🏼 I find it so so so embarrassing when a woman is excited about getting engaged and she has the world’s tiniest diamond ring when I KNOW her & I know she wanted a much bigger or more complicated ring. IMO, if your man can’t afford to get you the ring you want, he can’t afford to marry you, PERIOD.
My dad's awesome in a similar way - he goes out of his way to help me and seems to feel personally obligated to support me in any way possible. He does the same for my mom. Neither of us have to prompt him to do it - it's just in his nature. I've never met a prospective dating partner who acts that way, so if it wasn't for my dad I'd always wonder "am I expecting too much?" or "there's no way men are like that". I can totally see how your parents set the standard that's normalized for you, even in a culture that routinely denigrates women.
My current bf set me straight about how garbage my ex husband's proposal was. It made me feel terrible at first (it was a family heirloom but a family heirloom in MY family, he didn't invest or make an effort at all) but now I see he is the one who had to help me see my own value. He's also made comments about men's poor taste and no fucks given attitude and women's lack of standards when mutual friends have gotten engaged. I'm curious how my "I'd actually prefer not to go ring shopping, you have wonderful taste and know me, have fun" direction will go :)