Okay, so, allow me to explain: I am a very masculine female, maybe not in the physical sense (since I am kinda short and skinny), but my face still looks very masculine. I act masculine too, sometimes even a bit toxically masculine, gotta admit. I am bisexual, so while I'm also into women, my preferance is for men. I only like feminine men tho, by which I do not neccessarily mean dudes that wear skirts and pink, or whatever, I mean the guys that just sorta have that natural feminine aura about them. I guess I just subconsciously notice it, I look at them, the length of their hair, their face, the shape of their body, at the way they move, walk, talk, act, all of that.
And obviously, as the masculine person in the relationship, my duty is to be the giver, the provider, and all of that (off topic, but seriously, those self proclaimed "masculine" "alpha" males who want their wife to serve them are the least masculine creatures to exist, like, bro, ur supposed to be the one giving her your everything, NOT the other way around). Which essentially means that I am always the one to make the first move, to text them first, to compliment them every chance I get, to buy them flowers, write poems for them, and serenade to them under their windows (which usually requires me to stalk them to find where they live, but being the courteous woman I am, I always inform them about my odd shenanigans). And logically thinking, if the man is feminine, he must want to be treated like a princess and be admired by a knightly masculine woman. YET, Such rational train of thought seems to crash upon meeting reality. Which is where my problem arises.
All of the very obviously feminine men that I've tried to charm have not only rejected me, but sometimes, straight up found a very feminine girlfriend for themselves, while I was clearly courting them. It is preposterous and completely ridiculous. It is like they dont know what they need, and what they truly want. A relationship consisting of two naturally, fully feminine or two naturally, fully masculine people cannot be actually healthy and fullfilling, yet those fools seem to not want the absolute perfect match for them (me). Absurd. So, dear ladies of FDS, do any of you, perchance (I am aware that I can't just say "perchance"), know why do feminine men seem to not want masculine women that could actually treat them well?
I don't know if this is for real, but I'm entertained by this tragicomedy. Let's assume for a moment you are a woman (your username isn't helping). Why do you try so hard to imitate what you consider to be truly masculine behaviour? Could the reason be a parental figure who was highly inadequate and let you and your mother down? And now you're trying to show men how being a "real man" is done. I see a psychological problem here. Even if you eventually realise you were a confused lesbian, I still can't appreciate this hyperbutch roleplay. But hey, I'm not in your target group.
Consider the possibility that some of those soft boys are waiting for someone who can make them feel/be perceived as not so soft anymore. And some of them are gay and in the closet. It's a major rule when dealing with men no matter their temperament: have the queen mindset or suffer.
They don't like you because they don't respect you. If you're the one doing all the legwork, texting first, buying them flowers, writing poems, etc. they will view you as desperate. You really are doing too much. Pull back a bit. Let them come to you. Let them lavish YOU with affection, not the other way around.
I used to be butch once upon a time, with the same approach as you. It didn't really work for me. Try dressing masculine but playing hard-to-get. Remember you don't have to text first. If a man really wants to talk to you, he'll find a way to get ahold of you. You don't have to try so hard.
How strange to think the natural shape of a person's face, the length of their hair, the way they act, amd their "aura" all equally contribute to whether or not a person is gender-conforming.
I hate to say it, but even these feminine men need to always be in the role of pursuing or they will take any woman for granted. Don't lift a finger for them and see what they do next. Lean back and relax and let them pamper you. If they don't pamper you or man up and take the lead, block them on everything and show they can't access you if they don't try to impress you. There's nothing you need to do as a woman to impress some dustmite except show up with your feminine energy. He will try and trick you to take the leading role and treat him like he's the prize to be courted, but it's a trap designed to trip confident assertive women to humiliate ourselves by taking on a masculine role and doing the job HE should be doing. Make them work. Trust me they are playing mind games. I did this once with an effeminate man..I don't like them in general since I'm a straight woman and they turn me off, but I nudged him a bit and he eventually snapped lol cause he realized I wasn't gonna move and actually ask him out or give him my number so he caved and gave me his number weeks later! They know what they should be doing and when you show em you ain't playing they do step up..I've seen it every time. Needless to say that didn't work out cause he ended up being a LVM who was supposedly into poly and a definite dusty. This clown tried to trick me into impressing him when there was literally nothing impressive about this dead end job cornball. I realized it was a trap and I don't need to do sh*t to get a man except be my beautiful self.Also keep in mind covert narc males are usually very effeminate and try and trick women into playing the masculine role cause they are too lazy to do any work to impress a woman. Even if you're bi and think you might have some masculine energy at times I would make these men break their necks to prove themselves to you, not the other way around and it's not the same when it comes to men and I wouldn't even let them know you're bi cause they just use it against women anyway to toy with you.
My ex is a very passive, feminine man. He married an assertive doctor, makes very little money at a dead end job and lets her support him. He just rides along. If I think about it, he did the same with me - rode along on my energy and ideas, until I got fed up and divorced him.
But she’s kind of a weirdo (according to my kids who have spent time with her). She worships my ex in SM posts, and acts like he hung the moon. Me thinks she doth protest too much (I did the same when we were together - I was lying to myself).
Anyhoo, they each seem to benefit from the relationship. And they’ve now been married 17 years.
So it’s possible.
Most of the feminine men Ive met would kill for someone like you. Some guys may just be unconsciously less manly or youve had bad luck? No shortage of feminine men these days
Maybe dont be so preoccupied with gender stereotypes. Gender stereotypes are invented by men in a patriachy to naturalize and justify women's subjugation by men. A woman doesnt benefit by defining herself within a framework the sole purpose of which being her oppression.
You might just be a lesbian.