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I live in the Southern U.S. and bro-code or the closing of ranks in favor of men is rampant here. There is so much "boys will be boys" and "you wouldn't get it; it's a guy thing" and "I gave the job to my boy" and "this dude's cool he's my bro - we can't exclude him, the charges were dropped" kind of bullshit all the time that it can feel like every man you meet knows every other man you meet and they are all looking out for each other (and very much never going to help you). This is where my tale is set, so please forgive the parts of my story where I could have acted braver or smarter.
There is a customer at the bar I work at who I know has a history of domestic violence. In addition, I have seen him hitting on very drunk women, and them awkwardly making small-talk with this wacko because they feel unsafe. I complained to the organizer that his guest was making people feel unsafe - this was big for me, I'm a recovering people-pleaser, hate conflict, and want to make money off this organizer's events. I also live in a small town, and I don't want to slander a dude, for all I know maybe he's worked on himself and is no longer a dangerous psycho.
The DJ who was organizing immediately invoked bro-code - oh, that abusive dude is my boy, we're besties, he's the only reason I set up this event, blah, blah, blah. I held firm even though it made me so stressed, and said I felt unsafe and deserved to feel safe at work. DJ organizer agreed he would not attend the next event. I breathed a sigh of relief.
Who showed up the week after at another event? This same psycho I had talked to the organizer about. So I went and talked to the doorman, and I was like hey this psycho can't come in the building. The doorman agreed, then promptly forgot and let him in. At this point I was so frustrated I just ignored the guy for the night, but I knew in my heart he was not safe to be around for the women at the party.
So finally I was working the door at the third event, and this psycho tried to come in. I was like "No" you can't attend these events - I have a personal issue with you. You can't come in the building. He got angry and tried to puff up and argue, but I just kept saying no - he knew I could tell everyone how he put my friend in the hospital, and he didn't want that so he left.
To reiterate, no one helped me at any point, hundreds of people at these events acted like this guy was everyone's best friend, and a crucial - VIP person who MUST attend.
Do you know how many people asked me about "their boy the psycho" that night? No one. NO ONE ASKED ME ABOUT THEIR SUPPOSED VIP BESTIE, and why was he not allowed in. They didn't ask me the next day at breakdown, or the week after at a different event with the same group. Literally, no one asked me at any time about their supposed "best bro."
I believe I know why.
I think many of these selfish creeps don't have any "real" friends. They're not like women, enjoying real intimacy and exchanging life wisdom. Most male-on-male relationships are about getting something or using each other. It turned out this psycho had a habit of giving out tiny bits of free drugs to people, so these dudes I work with were totally comfortable making my work life a stressful hell for a month and endangering women for maybe $15 worth of free drugs.
The next time they tell you he's their bro, just know he's not. HE'S NOT BACKED BY SOME INVISIBLE NETWORK OF DUDES LOOKING TO BOYCOTT YOUR BUSINESS OR OSTACIZE YOU OR SET YOU UP FOR MONEY PROBLEMS.
Now, I know sometimes this isn't true, especially for big frats and the rich/connected. Probably not true for law enforcement, and other tighter communities. But most dudes only care about using other dudes for respect, approval, or even admiration. Hell, I've seen them friend dudes just so they can ride in their boat. They're not real friends.
Please remember my story the next time you have to go up against the "Old Boy's Network." They may not be as connected as they want you to think. They certainly aren't sharing information. They close rank against you out of patriarchial habit, not because they actually like each other.
I hope my story can help someone realize they're weaker than they want us to think.
Thank you for sharing this real-life example as a warning.
Men only want benefits for themselves. That’s why they let this guy in - free drugs. Even with professional networks, it’s all about benefits for the men involved, whether it’s jobs, money, access to women, or status.
We women HAVE to protect ourselves. Men will not.
Good job on speaking up - I know it wasn’t easy.
Scrotes will drop each other the moment they get a gf. Their only goal in life is sex.
For all men's talk about the bro code, most of their friendships are incredibly shallow. Either they're getting something out of the friendship, like free drugs in this case or they just have a shallow friendship where they only talk about things like football.
I regularly see posts online from young men saying that one of their parents has died and none of their friends have reached out to ask if they're ok or to offer any kind of support. The replies nearly always make excuses for this behaviour, saying stuff like "Oh, they probably just don't know what to say. It doesn't mean anything". If I experienced a death in my family and my friends made no effort to reach out and ask if I were ok, I would totally drop those friends. IMO that's the bare minimum a friend can do. I'm sure that most women would agree with me but clearly men don't see it the same way.
So going back to OP's point, the bro code is nonsense.
most men are just princesses and sad when their gf/wives don't treat them like they're special. hence bro code is just idiot men respecting other men and not women.