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I’ve used Tinder back in 2018 then I stopped completely. I developed a terrible view from dating apps and everyone who was there for me was garbage. I never ever wanted to use it again.
years later, this year, I was in a dinner with some single people and they were taking about dating apps. I proudly said "I dont use apps because they are full of terrible people". They all looked at me and said "oh really, because all of us in this table used or is using it and we are not necessarly bad people". There was even this guy sitting close to me that had recently found his girlfriend on the app and was proudly showing me one picture of her.
anyways, this stayed my mind and I decided to download Hinge (that I had never used) to see what's up, but I swear I was going against my principles and that was very uncomfortable for me.
incredibly I ended up matching with a man. He ticks all the boxes, is contant in communication and we really clicked. We've been on a few dates and I have been pretty happy but there is a demon on my head who keeps telling me "But you met him on Hinge, he wont take you seriously, he will broke your heart, its shameful to meet people on apps" and Ive been suffering because I know its a mix of anxiety and past trauma. I dont think its intuition because he is doing everything right and I dont want to "sabotage" this because I keep thinking its already failed due to my fear of how I met him.
What do you guys think about that? have you been in a similar situation?
ive been going to therapy to "break" the old beliefs I had that were preventint from finding someone and I think this has been such a hard thing to overcome.
Dating apps are a dumpster: broken, rotten and useless men nobody wants end up in there. Only someone who is trying not to starve to death or looking for a fixer upper project would be frequenting a dumpster.
Once in a great while, something perfectly good that needs no refurbishing can be found in there, but you might as well be looking for a needle in a haystack.
That being said, if everything is going good, then don't worry about it! Don't lift a finger and let this guy handle everything.
Sit in your entitlement to Queen treatment so if you find yourself impatient or confused with him AT ALL, that's how you know he needs to be dropped back in the dumpster with no warning or explanation.
Good luck! 👑
I had several relationships off of apps but my last date traumatised me. He kept seeing others despite promising he would stop if we were intimate. I learned not to kiss men on first dates anymore but now whenever I match guys they are all dating multiple simultaneously and sleeping with them. I can't deal with that, I refuse to be in a rotation. Every single match I had last year was either multidating, had severe commitment issues, was lying that thet were not ready (with me) and I had so many scrotes wanting ME to travel to them and go 50/50.
Before, I knew I was pretty, accomplished, worthy, but after the abuse I went through with my ex and the horrible treatment of these scrotes I started doubting myself to the point I just left the apps. They made me a pickme, approaching scrotes, spending money on boosts, it was pathetic.
I know I won't meet my type irl any time soon but I feel I can't deal with the multidating. Which, again, in FDS is dinners and no touching, but downright sex for these scrotes.
At this point I feel scrotes are so deluded and red pilled they don't value a catch anymore. I know I am one, thank god the queens around me helped me see it.
The thing about dating apps is it’s a numbers game. It’s like sifting for gold in a sewer. There MIGHT be a winner on there, but you’ll have to be extremely brutal with everyone else to find that one person. Your standards and boundaries need to be rock solid, and you’re best off employing the “burnt haystack” method (if you’re looking for a needle in a haystack, the quickest way to find it is to burn the hay).
That said, my older sister met her husband on a dating app, and he is wonderful and utterly devoted to her and her happiness. He takes care of all the bills, and her income goes exclusively towards her own interests and/or their travel fund. He bought their house (her name is on the deed) and her luxury car (which is in her name). He is a great father to their young daughter, he is heavily involved in the parenting as well as supporting her in what she needs to be a good mother.
So, yes, you CAN find a good man on a dating app, but it’s sometimes just pure luck because it’s a right time-right place thing.
Make sure to regularly check in with yourself on your standards and boundaries, and journal about any possible red flags your guy is displaying so that you don’t forget about them over time. As things start to add up, you may find that this guy isn’t as great as you thought - or maybe, he actually IS as great as you thought, and you don’t have much to write down that’s negative.
Keep up with therapy because that will help you with discernment and ensuring you aren’t falling into the trap of repeating your patterns.
My experience with dating apps has been largely underwhelming. I tend to agree with most of the comments that it’s like digging through a dumpster, or finding a needle in a haystack. You might find a decent man, but it’s unlikely.
My parents moved us to the middle of nowhere when I was 14☺️💀
So apart from the people at the new school and village I of course tried to find friends online as well.
I view it like this: if a guy has the balls to come talk to you on the street irl, he has the balls to go after other women he likes as well. He just shoots his shots until he finds one who wants him. Not so different from what they do on dating apps.
I've dated a few guys off the apps but I just don't think it's for me. The men were actually fine, I've dealt with shit awful men in my own family so the men on dating apps were lovely and treated me great but what does that matter if it's the bare minimum? I come from a hispanic household so the latin men I interacted with are some of the most garbage personalities I've personally dealt with in a family dynamic. Father, brother, uncles- horrible people. But that doesn't mean I wanna settle for the first man that treats me bare minimum nice on dating apps.
I'd be suspicious too, you're not wrong.