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Sorry if this is the wrong category, I wasn't sure what to pick. I'm looking for advice because I feel stuck between not encouraging this behavior and not coming off as rude/cold/standoffish, etc.
I have a boss who will always find a way to make any conversation about herself. For example, she may start off by asking me something about myself but after I share, she will follow with an endless monologue about herself and not ask any me any follow-up questions.
At first, it didn't bother me, and I was honestly happy to know someone enjoyed talking to me. It's probably because I spent a good deal of time isolated, so having someone enthusiastically starting conversations made me feel less like an alien with no social skills. That said, recently I feel like I put way more effort into taking interest in what she says and being an active listener than she does for me.
On one hand, I feel like it would be rude for me to just be like "that's nice" when she shares something... I don't want to ruin our relationship because, apart from this rather minor issue, my work environment is great. On the other hand, I feel like being an active listener by asking her follow-up questions, giving compliments, responding/relating etc, is just encouraging her to keep monologuing. It's very exhausting.
What would you queens advise I do here?
So the first thing to remember here is that your boss is not your friend. You can have a warm, even enjoyable working relationship but she's still your boss. She has tasks for you to do, and you do them. If she's monologuing outside of that space...listen for the tidbits you might be able to use to get ahead but aside from that you are perfectly within your rights to bring the conversation back to work. Eventually if you stop sponging up her attention she'll get bored and start monologuing at somebody else. She doesn't need to know much about your life...and in the long run you really don't want her to. Do good work, go home and have buddy conversations with your buddies.
She sounds like a conversational narcissist. Grey rock her. "That's interesting", "I never thought about that", or better yet - "I have to get back to work" I mean, as your boss, there's no way she's gonna get mad at you for that 😂. Don't worry about coming of as rude or impolite. She's the rude one who's monopolising all of your conversations 🙄. She doesn't really care about you - her starting the conversation by asking you questions is just her opener. If she was really interested in what you have to say, she'd ask you follow-up questions as well and the conversation would feel more engaging and not draining so don't feel bad about not engaging with her. By the way, Dr. Ramani has good videos about how to handle narcissistic folks. Best of luck!