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There are sooo many. They're like pickme's but with the added bonus that they want you to act like their stand in man and lead/make their decisions for them (just to ignore and make bad decisions anyway) and even render "masculine" services lmao.
I seem to attract a lot of these because of my self assuredness and they lean on me in a super wierd way, but I have cut them all off one by one. A long time ago I too was an insecure pick me (but for fucks sakes at least I had standards when CHOOSING a boyfriend, and even that one "situationship" was a literal Wilhelmina model I met IRL who at least took me out, called me & pretended to be in love with me 😂. My problem was staying too long after the mask slipped in relationships because I was "In looove" and the first incidents spaced far apart enough were easy to give the benefit of the doubt. Back then I felt like I couldn't find a good friend to save my life, other pick mes were mostly indifferent. The few other cool women probably sensed my vibe before I even got to know them. Now? Pick me's don't give up unless I straight up ghost them.
That being said, I met one of these types almost 2 years ago at work and was friendly with her, we went out once and I saw that she had insanely low self esteem and talked almost non stop about some dude who pretty much mopped the floor with her. She kept whining: "(my name), I was supposed to be a briiiide" ugh 🤮. She's religious and I can see past that if the person doesn't make it their whole personality, but she's clearly been beat down by these patriarchal ideas. Idk why I gave her a chance after that, I think I had no one to watch this movie with at the time so I agreed to go with her. Come the day of our plans and I hadn't heard from her so I text less than 2 hours before the movie starts to confirm. She tells me she's in the next town with her sister and will call me "later" to let me know if she can make it 😐.
So ofc that was the end of pursuing that friendship. But we both go to the only all girls gym in town and sometimes I run into her there. The first time she interrupted my workout to talk about all her problems, the guy again (yeah it's been years since he cheated/left her) her bad health (gee I wonder why) etc etc. She told me to call her if I was going to the gym so we could go together. I didn't.
Next time I see her there, she's like whyyyy didnt you call me 😢?? But the crazy thing is she has my phone number too. I saw her a few more times and the latest time she's practically begging me to call her because she says she needs 'motivation' to show up to the gym (like thats my problem??). So idk, I caved so she wouldn't throw a fit next time and let her know that I'm going the following week because I've been busy. The day I specified comes... I text to confirm... tell me why this girl starts talking about (quoted):
we have aftar u know its ramadan im fasting i can later
ican later
eftar i mean
iftaar
So I'm like, I have no idea what that means, are you saying you cant go?
She said she wants to but later and will text me before she comes. So I'm like whateva, mind you its about to be 7 in the evening & I'm going regardless, I do my workout and I'm stretching at the end and she calls me twice. 9 PM at that point. I didn't pick up cause 1 I'm in the middle of something and 2 I knew it would be some lame excuse I don't care about but I text her 'whats up, the music is loud can you just text?' Tell me why this mf asks where I am at, then says:
iwait the car i need someone drive me to the gym my home so far away... LOL i was on my way out at that point I just text her when get home that I left and her reply:
oh really
I didn't respond but honestly I wanna tell her to fuck off but I feel like she genuinely wouldn't understand why so it would be too mean. And I don't feel like explaining basic social etiquette before I tell her to fuck off either... but I will probably run into her again... It's second nature with men now, but maybe the next step of growing a backbone is to just tell a woman NO with 0 self-explaining.
Ew, you're right... dusty as hell.
But you are correct that this will be a new phase for you to vet women just as strongly. They can do as much (if not more) damage as a dead beat scrote.
I started that journey in my late 20s. Women weren't kind to me, even ones in my own family. My being good hearted and free-spirited didn't help. You can be a target for predatory types of women as well... So, I would accept really low level women as friends when any of them finally decided to be friendly with me. In my late 20s I started vetting them like I do men, and most dropped off in my life. To this day, even women on my team at work refuse to not be cutthroat with me. Dusty and low-level women will be ongoing throughout your life, just know that now.
Do the dirty work on all of this, sis. Your older self will very much thank you for figuring it out now rather than later. You don't need to cuss this one out (because absolutely, nope, she won't get it or won't care or will twist the whole thing), but definitely drop her to "acquaintance" level and make space for friends who help YOU grow, instead. Amazing women will get you leveled up rather than dragging you down to where they are. Those are the ones you want to look for. And as always, like with men, until you meet those types, you are fine where you're at.
I tend to have stronger boundaries with these sort of friends. I don't want them entirely out of my life, but I am very selective in how I'd help them.