.png)
I know it sounds a bit much, but hear me out.
I was watching a youtube short the other day where some guy talked about the worst thing about programming. He said he was miserable when he knew everything and there was no challenge at all. He was so good at his job he got bored and it was hell.
I think it is healthy to have a job that is challenging. It keeps your mind sharp and is good for motivation. Besides, a job that is just repetitive and monotonous is a recipe for mediocrity, and nobody wants to be mediocre nor wants to be with a mediocre partner (I know I don't). But for some reason what he said stuck to me. Maybe it's because of the 'energy' he gave off (scrote energy). Made me feel icky.
I have noticed men usually see dating as a game (they say it themselves "it's a numbers game" and 'I'm aplayer", etc). This type of man feels miserable when things are consistent and stable and will also be miserable in a long term relationship, when he know pretty much everything there is to know about his partner. Think about it: he'll know her interests, fears, ambitions, pet peeves, what she likes and dislikes in sex, he'll know how to push her buttons, how to seduce her, etc. Where's the challenge in that? This explains why some people cheat even when they are in a happy relationship. It's because they are bored.
So now I'm thinking... If a man seems to be too averse to boredom and only feels motivated when there's a big challenge, I'll probably take that as a red flag - or at least a yellow flag - because if I ever decide to go back to dating, I'll want a long term, stable and drama-free relationship, where knowing each other really well is actually one of the best parts of the experience. So perhaps it's more of a compatibility issue for me personally.
If you agree with me, it might be good to causally ask during the first few dates questions such as:
What would you do if you had a surprise day off?
What do you do when you're bored?
What's the most frustrating job you ever had?
What's the most fulfilling job you ever had?
What do you think is the best thing about having a long-term partner?
What do you think is the worst thing about having a long-term partner?
If the answers show he can't stand the thought of being bored (especially in a relationship) and he needs to be stimulated all the time, it might be a good idea to think twice before going on another date.
I'm not against challenges. I just think if a man sees me as an achievement, just like a game he has finished playing, then he'll get bored of me pretty easily and will move on to the next 'quest' without much consideration to me. A stable relationship has a lot of space for fun and interesting things. The point is: does he want us to have fun together or does he see me as a source of his fun? Does he like me, or does he like how I make him feel?
Anyway, I'm just babbling at this point. I saw the video a few days ago and this got stuck in my head. I just wanted to share my thoughts.
OP these are really good points! I think you can liken these same ideas to men who are adrenaline junky or perpetual Peter Pan types. Always searching for the next best thing, always searching for a new high. They can't settle down with anything at all, let alone a singular woman... It's the same as if we would avoid a man who always has 2-3 different jobs in a year and isn't doing it strategically to make more $$$ or get better offers, etc.. He's doing it out of boredom or out of the fact that no employer wants him that long. These types of men are afraid of being still at all, which I think a healthy relationship requires a certain degree of "stillness."
Scrotes (or people) who experience chronic "boredom" more than likely have traits from the Cluster B Personality Disorders or have one or more of the full blown disorders (the disorders will usually come in pairs or have many attributes from within all disorders in the cluster; they don't often fit one singular disorder)... it is definitely a RED flag in my experience because these types will do whatever they can to kill their boredom at YOUR expense. They do not care about putting your life at risk, they're impulsive, etc. They will create issues out of thin air. Men who can't handle being bored tend to be abusive types, but best case scenario would be that he used you up till he got bored and then kicks you to the curb.... None of it sounds fun.
Healthy relationships should be a little "boring" ie, drama free.
It's also another reason why we should keep as much mystery as we can about ourselves. These men (yes, even the great ones) out here don't need to know every little thing about us. If you feel like you need to tell a scrote everything about you... don't do it. Journal or call a friend or something.
i agree, theres some lvm that can't sit tf still and thats a huge issue to me. I feel like only women know when to be spontaneous together and plan things, or agree to spontaneous plans and agreeable. Men are insane, they could be in the most boring but picture perfect life and destroy it all because of 2 seconds of boredom and NEED thrill. Cheap thrills. Hence men being destructive.
The last time I was on dating apps I was horrified how many men in profiles almost demanded their match either be travel ready immediately or hinting towards unplanned, 3am taco nights. Dating a woman is not batman. Most of us have obligations even if we're young or old to be in bed at a normal hour.
There was a guy I was seeing that called me at 10pm, I didn't pick up until I checked my phone randomly 30-40 minutes later. I was already in bed, my tummy was hurting, I was falling asleep and he called saying he was in my town. Like ok? Have fun. Weeks later he starts having a breakdown cause he felt I wasn't interested and he was right but also I was literally just sleeping?
but of course men think THEIR time is more valuable than a woman's.
Although I agree that any man who gives the slightest bit of needing to constantly chase something to keep his attention is a red flag, I think on the other side of this, no one wants someone totally routine, predictable and submissive. I believe you can be stable and reliable while maintaining individuality and not knowing every single detail about each other.
Think of your identity as your bank account. Does he really need to know how much is in it?
No, he just needs to respect that you have your own and he needs to be enhancing it. Yes, it could be a personality preference as you suggested, but I have to wonder if women demand for men to know us so intimately to make up for our families not paying attention to our preferences and needs?
Daughters are raised (neglected but trained) while sons are loved and doted on. We're expected to seek that love we didn't receive thru our future husbands but only after we've proven our usefulness to them and assert no boundaries early in the relationship so they don't reject us.
I'm not trying to be combative, just offering another perspective so we as women can help each other find the healthiest balance of any scenario for maximum female benefit while preventing further exploitation of us as a sex.
They do that then are never happy. I've been gone from here since September 2024. And I'm back!. With further trauma from scrotes.
They are never happy and always want what they can't have. Then they want things on their terms only. They don't know what they want.