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My text dumped me via TEXT after three straight months of him asking me for commitment (got exclusive after only two weeks), wanting to see me 4/5 times a week even when I would suggest less, cooking me many brunch and dinners, telling me how beautiful I am, how much he cares about me, how I relax him, how I'm important to him. When I called him, he had weak non-answers even though I told him I accept the breakup but it would help me to move on if I understood why so if there was something I was doing I could stop doing it in a future relationship. Even when pressed, he mostly said it was because I had never traveled internationally (the only reason I haven't just because I've been focusing on paying my college and car loans first, which should be done this year). I felt that was kind of unfair because he's 6 years older with a job that gives him significantly more time off and he chose to travel via credit cards rather than pay his student loans off at my age. I guess part of me is bitter because he is sort of a selfish lover, doesn't really want to wear condoms, doesn't try hard to give me an orgasm despite pretending to in the beginning. He has some extra weight on his torso that I was fine to look past. I guess I'm just thinking wow, this guy thinks he can do better? When he did meet the international traveler hot chick, she didn't want him. He met this woman I knew from high school and she is now engaged to a taller hotter version of him, she didn't want him. I'm not trying to sound like a NiceGuy, I'm just saying what was the point of earnestly pursuing me, telling me how hot and beautiful I am, seeing that I was constantly eager to please sexually, wanting to see me all the time and introduce me to friends and family just to dump me because I don't travel internationally yet? I expressed that I do want to travel, even as soon as less than one year from now when my loans are done. I told him in the meantime I would love to go on weekend road trips with him. Besides, I'm not going to go to a foreign country with a guy I've only been dating a couple weeks or months, that's literally dangerous. He also said his ex-girlfriend barely even wanted to touch him at all whether it was affection or sexually, and she went on a trip with another guy. So he got his travel girlfriend and she went traveling with another guy and didn't even want to have sex with him, meanwhile I do want to have sex literally all the time but he's going to dump me because I can't go to Thailand for 3 weeks with him?
I'm not hoping for him to come back- I have no way of knowing if he does since he's blocked on every medium possible with voicemail blocking and unknown number blocking.
Some petty heartbroken part of me is hoping that long after I've moved on his ass will come crawling back. He is already 34 years old and like I said somewhat pudgy and sexually selfish. I know I'm better off without him but it's still stings that he was the one to dump me including via text message. As early as 24 hours prior he was telling me how important I am to him and how he can't wait to see me.
I've read stories of ex-boyfriends coming crawling back years later and I guess I just wanted to hear some.
I don't have any exes but pretty much all of the guys I dated/situationships have circled back at some point, whether it was months or years later. I'm pretty thorough about blocking and deleting, but sometimes they'll manage to slip through the cracks.
I don't know if I would go as far as to say that they came crawling back, it's not as if these men showed up on my doorstep with a bouquet of roses crying and begging for another chance. They usually pop up in the form of some low-effort social media poke. I had a guy sporadically send me links to stupid videos every few months for over a year after I blocked him (my computer doesn't always filter out messages from blocked contacts unfortunately). Another guy I also blocked and deleted on everything tried to add me over a year later when I joined a new social media platform.
I'll admit it's a bit of an ego boost in the moment, but more than anything I just find it sad and pathetic that you can drive someone away with your poor behavior, feel regretful, but still think you can have meaningful relationships with good people through such low-effort disrespectful behavior. They just don't know how to grow up or change. They'd rather just bank on the possibility that I'm lonely or vulnerable or stupid enough in that moment to let them slip back into my life without having to show up with any vulnerability or authenticity on their part. They're essentially popping in to say, "Hey, I remember having you around used to benefit me. Do you think you'd be interested in doing more of that?"
So don't feel bad that he hasn't tried to come back. Men reach out to check if you're still stupid. It's an act of disrespect. All the men from my pre-FDS days have reached out because they remember me from when I was stupid. None of the men who I cut off after FDS have reached out to me, because even if they were able to pull one over me, I didn't let them stick around for any longer than reasonable and cut them off right away. They fucked around and found out, and they learned that I'm not stupid and they don't bother. You did 100% the right thing blocking and deleting him on everything and he probably knows now not to mess with you. Be grateful that the trash took itself out and be offended if the trash ever so much as tries to breathe the same air as you.
Be careful of the passport bros and travel bros! It's one thing to love travel..but most guys I find who are avid international travelers are f*ckboys. I traveled internationally a few years before covid hit (backpacked the world solo for 2 years) and met the most despicable male expats, especially in SE Asia where I taught English for 6 months to make some money while traveling.
These types of guys love the thrill of the new. They're very different from women like myself who love to backpack and explore new cultures. They're there for other reasons and it's usually to meet women. I traveled around India solo by train for 4 months and never once thought about meeting anyone or dating, but a guy would happily get a meantime gf just because they're codependent losers addicted to people and can't be alone. If he's significantly older I'd say he's a total loser and predator praying on younger women. Who's this dummy to shame you for not traveling yet when you're just finishing college and paying off loans? I'm 32 and have experienced traveling the world and living in global cities (NYC. Miami etc) and these guys are all the same. Of course he came back! They all do for sure at some point because they're men and men make it seem like they can get anyone and have options but they don't lmao. In my experience narcissists always come crawling back, it's called hovering where they don't want you to forget them and it's an abusive tactic to see if you take the bait. I'll never date a guy who travels just to travel cause I know what they're like..but will date a guy who'd be happy to travel along with me and go on adventures I pick out for us lol.
Oh and side note, I did meet a guy while traveling once and he was a dangerous malignant narcissist who ended up causing me to get CPTSD. He was from India to abd traveled to Nepal to meet me. Absolutely never meet a strange guy while traveling especially solo cause they know you're alone and vulnerable with no male or female protection around you and will abuse and exploit you to the fullest. He was an absolute predator just looking for solo female backpsckers to meet up with abroad and stalked their IG in advance before meeting them. I'll never meet a strange guy when traveling ever again.
Oh, those adventuresome traveling dudebros are so fucking exhausting. Solo male travelers are never happy with what or who they have, so that's why they're always traveling. It's sad because traveling in of itself, is an incredibly enriching experience, and can make people very interesting when they have stories to tell. But those men are much different than solo female travelers, ime. Female travelers in general also enjoy enriching themselves in many other ways, and they appreciate their homes once they want to rest easy from their traveling.
But the men, on the other hand? Always on the lookout for something new. Always afraid of commitment, stability, or monogamy. They're the type most likely to cheat because of that obsession with novelty. A woman who wants a normal long term relationship is seen as evil in their eyes.
I had an ex to come back only to call me names, ( I don't really see him as an ex because I only dated him because I felt like my standards are too high and I need to settle down for a video game addictive manchild who lives in a dumpster with his parents at the ripe age of 25 while I already live on my own with an income) I assume he's angry that I never reached out or bombarded his emails with pleads to come back, and not even giving him the satisfaction that he's irreplicable.
But I had pickme friends coming back on their hands and feet after leaving me behind but I'm not a church, my doors won't remain open just because you regret leaving. I had one send a fb request after years not talking to her, sorry but I will never forget how she mocked me for having little friends, that no man would want me for being career focused and now that her man is abusive she wants a place to stay away from him.
Lol bye sis.
Not really an ex, but someone I was casually dating. He gave me the whole I'm not ready speech, so I ghosted him. The next weekend after that, I met my now husband.
Then, about six months down the line, he appears out of the blue to resume things. I told him I began living with someone else (my now husband). Then I blocked and deleted his number.
I had an ex who I was absolutely heartbroken over for years. He did come back numerous times and the last time we were once again a couple. At the time, he was working for a huge company with their network security and making great money. He was always gushing about how getting this job made him feel like things were finally coming together for him.
One night, he and I went out on a dinner date. All throughout dinner his phone kept blowing up and he would roll his eyes about how "work had him on call and he felt bad that they kept interrupting us". I believed him, because what reason did I have not to? After we ate, we went back to my house to cuddle up. Instead, he received a phone call, apologized to me, and told me he would call me.
One month went by and nothing.
I found out that he was dating this girl I graduated high school with. My best friend knew her in passing within the circle of friends that both of them were part of. My friend told me how this person stole heavy hitting prescription pills such as Xanax and Oxys so that she and other friends could get high. And he was with her! I was totally and utterly destroyed, my best friend hated him (yay!), and overall just a total sack of shit.
I did the best I could to put him as far behind me as possible. Years later, I'm in a much better headspace and making my own success. Then he called me and I felt like my world stopped. He asked me to meet up. After a lot of soul searching, I agreed to it for my own closure.
He poured the truth out to me and told me he "made the biggest mistake by choosing the other girl over you". He went on to tell me that she "showed who she truly was" when she began stealing the medication he was prescribed post surgery. It wasn't a lie since my best friend had told me what this girl was doing. I asked him, honestly, "What were you even thinking?" And he gave me this lame excuse that he met her through one of his friends, they started talking and hang out....
And it hit me how moronic this whole thing was. From the guy who swore up and down that he would never cheat because that's what broke up his parents' marriage, look what he did. He went on to tell me how their entire relationship left him questioning what the hell he did. He regretted letting me go, said that he couldn't stand that she didn't possess any drive or ambition to get a job other than babysitting for the neighbor across the street from her parents. The straw that broke the camel's back was stealing from him after his surgery.
What happened next, you ask? He admitted he still had feelings for me. I...just nodded and told him that I understood, then he quickly followed with, "...but I'm not looking for anything serious!" I nodded again and said that I was glad to see him and that I was heading home.
It was a mixture of emotions, although I really didn't have the same feelings for him. He admitted that he screwed me over and didn't pay any mind to the relationship that we were in. Without realizing it, he put me in the position of power because he came groveling to me. In my mind, I knew that by him "opening" the door as he had before, he expected us to start something, then disappear again. He didn't text me after the fact and I didn't make any overtures to contact him.
Last year, I was on a date with my current boyfriend. Unbeknownst to me, my ex was in the same restaurant and saw me. I had no idea until I received a text from him telling me that he had seen me, how great I looked, and "wanted to send this message out of courtesy". I didn't respond.
About 10 years ago, I dated a covert narcissist. He was all sorts of bad. When I'd had enough of his gaslighting, I blocked his phone number, emails, and social media.
This past Valentine's Day, after 7 years of no contact, he emailed me (using an email I had not blocked) and told me he still wanted to have sex with me. My blood ran cold when I read the email.
Of course, I did not respond. I had to block that email too.
Scrotes have nothing but audacity.
Thanks for your nice comments everyone. I feel sloppy and embarrassing. But you are always all so kind to me.
i had a guy i dated for 3 years send me a letter in the mail begging for a crumb of my attention after i had blocked him/ignored him on as many platforms as possible--5 YEARS LATER.
it can happen.
this guy sounds like a total tool, by the way.
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that your lack of international travel had absolutely nothing to do with his decision to dump. More likely he was lovebombing more than one woman at a time, and he decided to focus on the one that would most benefit him and his scrotery.
I am very sorry he made you feel bad -- so bad that you called and asked for advice on how to better yourself for future relationships. I am sure you know this already, but please, please try to resist that impulse if it comes up again in the future... with him or with any other scrub. By all means you can vent here, and we FDSers might be a little harsh in a tough-love kind of way, but we'll never gaslight or lie or neg you!
He didn’t want a serious relationship with me bc I didn’t want kids. He dumped me by ghosting. He eventually married, and his wife was pregnant and he called and asked if I wanted to go to a beer festival with him while his wife was 6 months pregnant. Of course I declined.
My ex broke up with me because I was upset over him yelling at me the night before we come back from our cruise vacation. He said that if we can’t enjoy a vacation together then it won’t work out, and completely ignored that he is the one who ruined the last day of our vacation. Two weeks later he comment on my pic and tries to make a generic conversation with me. There were no remorse, guilt, apology for his behavior and for breaking up with me on a vacation. He was just trying to flirt with me by texting me once a day. On third day, I realized he would never apologize, he is just breadcrumbing me. So I shut him down and stopped talking to him together. Now he just follow me on insta but doesn’t likes my pic or watches my story. I just pretend he doesn’t exist.
PreFDS: my ex and I mutually broke up - I pretty much lived with him but wasn't on the lease. He was cheating with not one but THREE other women. When we split I grabber what I immediately needed to take with me. He would be traveling in about a month and had pets - and I agreed to use the time when be was away to clean out my stuff and take care of his pets. I did so and he'd periodically text me to checkup on his pets. When he was returning we agreed to meetup at a coffee shop so I could give him back his keys and so he could pay me back (idiot didn't leave any pet food or litter before he went away).
He ended up trying to kiss me and told me he still loved me and then started trash talking one of his new flings. I ended up leaving as quickly as I could.
About a week later - he messaged me on a social media site - this text wall bad mouthing me, saying how I traumatized and hurt him, and how it was never fair that I didn't pay him rent (which he had always told me I didn't need to, as his parents paid and me cooking and doing chores was the "payment"), how he went to all our mutual friends and told them about how awful I was, and how he never wanted to hear from me again. I simply left it on read and made sure to remove him from my social media's.
Another 2 months go past. By this point a former friend had reached out to me to rub salt in my breakup wound telling me how he was now engaged and living with the same woman he trash talked to me. It hurt.
A few days later, I was woken up very early in the morning to a call from an unknown number. My grandpa had been In the hospital and the area code was the same so I was thinking it was him calling me - so I got up and answered half awake.
To my surprise, it was my ex calling me in the middle of ugly crying. Being tired and shocked, I started to tell him "um you have the wrong number" but he started to call me by name begging to not hang up on him.
Still being a pickme I was thinking maybe there was some unfinished business or money so I begrudgingly said, "what the hell do you want?" He started stammering saying he was in some airport, leaving some town I had never heard of, and that he messed everything up with me, it was never my fault, and that he loved and missed me sooooo much.
I rolled my eyes as he blabbered on and on finally cutting him off saying "it's too late. Please don't contact me again, I don't want to hear from you anymore". Ah, the sweet irony of saying the same words back to him that he had said before in that wall of text he messaged me. He started stammering something, he was completely tongue tied, and I finally hung up the phone and blocked that weird new number of his.
A few months later, a woman found me on a work related social media of mine. As contacts here could lead to potential business, I'd open and read all the messages. The woman just started saying random things to me and seemed sort of hostile and upon looking at the account, I noticed it was brand new and mentioned places to the same town that my ex told me he'd be moving to (which was part of the reason we split up). I quickly noticed that the accounts only 2 followers were both accounts that matched the name of the woman he had cheated on me with and saw that she was pretending to be this other account. If that wasn't the icing on the cake, all of the photos on this account were all the same exact photos that his rebound used on her Facebook. So I knew it was her, and messaged her back saying hey I know you're her - so you don't need to put this front on. I then sent her another message saying telling her about the messages and the phone call from him - even sending her a screenshot along with it which also showed the date.
She immediately became very nasty and rude, calling me names and gaslighting me saying I was crazy and delusional.
So I didn't respond and blocked her accounts as well.
I met a guy on a dating site. I wasn't head over heels about him but he was starting to grow on me. Then I stop hearing from him. I wasn't that invested so I didn't bother texting him to see what's up. Then a month or so later he texted me, saying he needed the time to 'find himself' and oh yeah, he had also lost his phone. I'm sure he met someone 'better' and when that didn't work he thought he could come back to me. I just ignored his texts. We had only communicated on the dating site and text, then I got an email from him, but I had never given him my email address. He was a tech guy so maybe he got it from the site, I don't know, but it creeped me out. I promptly deleted my dating profile after that happened.
Why does your handle say that you’re banned?